Just had a friend hide from me!

[Nefrititi]

I was just on the way back from the school run, I live on a main road so people can park all along it.
A good friend of mine parks there as she gets a lift into work from someone who lives up the road from me.
As I’m pulling up on my drive I see her getting out of her car but I’m already passed her to beep to acknowledge her (she defo sees me at this point)
So as I’m reversing on my drive I see her cross over the road (she normally walks my side and we’ll wave or a quick chat)
Then as I’m reversing she hides behind a large van opposite so that I can’t see her as I’m parked facing the road!
So I waited in my car to see if she would emerge the other side of the van but she didn’t. It was so obvious!
The thing is I’m the last person to hold someone up or chat for ages (massive introvert) and she’s the opposite and absolutely loves a chat.
We are actually going on holiday together next Monday with 2 other girls (me and one of the girls are paying for it as a treat as the other 2 are financially struggling).
I know I can be really sensitive but that just really hurt this morning. Also was my birthday in March and I didn’t even get a card from the 2 girls.

Financially struggling people should not live on charity from friends, they should not be going on paid-for holidays. They should be working to earn some money. Unless they are disabled and unable to work. If they are healthy, why are you paying for a healthy adult to go on holiday? Does your mum have an expensive winter coat, bought by you for her? Or your dad has a superb fishing rod bought for him by you? Why are you paying for strangers ahead of your family and at the same time give a shit that they hide from you? All this is very odd. Apologies if your mu and dad already have those or similar items bought by you, but even in that case, you can buy them a second coat and a second fishing rod.

Maybe she was wearing clothes she didn’t want to be seen in or had just been crying and didn’t want to see you as a result.

She may have had to take an urgent call or she may have some bad news or something. It’s not always about other people

Maybe she had a massively shit morning and just didn’t want to chat. And the birthday card - grow up

Snagging your nephew in the back of his van?
😂

Probably had the turtle's head.

OP, it sounds like you and your cousin are lovely, kind people - I think taking your friends on holiday when you know they're struggling is really thoughtful.

For now, I would try not to overthink it - the chances are that she didn't stop to chat for one of the many reasons people have suggested, or she simply looked straight through you and didn't actually "see" you, like a previous poster suggested.

I wouldn't message, I'd just wait and see. If you're over-thinking, then messaging will seem a bit weird. If you're not, then you'll find out soon enough and she should be left with the burden of e.g. telling you she doesn't want to go on holiday (personally I doubt that's the explanation). Unless you've got a really pressing reason to know now (like you have someone else you could invite at short notice, for example), I would just let it unfold.

Whatever happens, I wish you and your cousin a lovely holiday.

Maybe she just got bad news and thought she couldn’t face anyone. It’s unlikely to be about you

I've had people I know come up to me in supermarkets and start chatting with a hint of "didn't you see me? Are you ignoring me?" Er, no, just totally didn't spot you, my mind is miles away. However, if you had fleeting eye contact and you say she hid behind a van it seems deliberate. Would have been funny if said van had then driven off and left her exposed!

I think it’s probably a good shout to send a little message like “saw you this morning, not sure if you saw me but I wanted to check everything was ok?”. Yes kind of to make her squirm but more to see why the hell she hid behind a van from her friend.

oh gosh I hide from people all the time in supermarkets - usually because I suddenly see them & have a minor social anxiety panic, it's not a thought out thing but more of a reaction.

It really could be just about anything. She could have stopped for a phone-call or a text, or she could have not felt like talking that morning, or it could be that she is feeling awkward about the holiday. Impossible to say without asking her. But in my experience, things are less about us than we think they are, so most likely whatever the reason is, it has nothing to do with you.

Buying them a holiday is a bit strange though. I used to do things like that when I was younger, and while I never begrudged the money, I see now it had a lot to do with my own insecurities and wanting to be a likeable person. But in reality it has the opposite affect as it makes people feel bad to be beholden to someone, even if it is a "voucher"-situation, and they gradually back off. I have learnt with time that generosity is a fine thing, but it can be taken too far. A meal is okay - holidays are not.

So you’re paying for a holiday for someone who didn’t even bother to get you a Birthday card?
i think that’s more odd than playing hide and seek

Ok. They both work (extremely hard) one is a single parent as of recently.
As you’re aware the cost of living is through the roof atm and they couldn’t afford a friends trip right now so why do you find it so weird as a friend that I could offer that? I did it in a way that’s not patronizing or condescending to them and they readily accepted. As far as they know I’m used an unused travel voucher so not going to cost me anything.
My Mum and Dad have both died, and when they were here and I had the means they got everything I could afford - holidays etc.
mom not paying anything for anyone above my family - don’t know how you made that assumption 🤷‍♀️
As I said earlier I had an extremely tough upbringing financially and now that I’m in a much better position I like to pay it forward.
We had kindly neighbours who would take us on holiday occasionally as they knew my parents could never afford to. I’ve never ever forgotten that kindness and what it meant as a kid.

Thank you very much for your kind words. I had a chat with my daughter about the whole situation and she’s in agreement about not contacting and wait until Saturday.
In fact she’s half hoping they do cancel so she can come instead 😂

Poor woman everyone judging her and know one knows why or whats really going on.
And here is her caring friend online to a bunch of strangers talking alsorts about her.

I wouldn’t insult them by offering spending money etc

Call me cynical but I don't think with those two they'd see it as an insult at all.

I’d make light of it to be fair, and see what she says ‘Hi Jane, I thought I saw you along my road earlier but you disappeared behind a van! You weren’t kidnapped were you?’ 🤣

I honestly wouldn’t put it past my nephew tbh 😂

Im sure there is a reason but wether its to do with you personally its not possible to say .
Could be personal overwhelm,going through a difficult time/moment,anxiety?
I once did this to a friend because id just received a call to say my husband had cancer and i couldnt hide it but didnt want to discuss it a that moment so i avoided. I did tell my friend some time later though.
I would say nothing and let it go. If it repeats perhaps mention it tactfully asking if everything is ok. Dont take it personally until you know if its actually personal.

I'm similar but I think it's important to also realize that rejection sensitivity can play a role. Yes perhaps you were right sometimes but other times you may not have been and those times go unnoticed (confirmation bias).

My dad is extreme with this and he genuinely still harks back to an incident abroad in the 1980s where a shopkeeper was mildly abrupt with him as evidence that said person was hostile to Brits in general. He will not even entertain the idea that the guy could have been having a bad day, he knows it was about him, he just knows...

In reality, people are generally not thinking about us nearly as much as we think/worry they are.

I’ve ‘hidden’ from friends and acquaintances before. I live in a tiny town and bump into people all the time. I sometimes just cannot be arsed with having a chat or am in a hurry. Although I probably wouldn’t do it with a very close friend (eg. Someone I was going on holiday with) and with others, I’d probably just pretend not to see them rather than hiding behind a van. I think you could tell if she went behind there to take a call or it was an accident or something, like some pps have suggested. You can usually tell by body language etc if it’s deliberate. But if she’s acting normally the rest of the time and it doesn’t happen again, I’d just let it go

I've edited this as, thinking about it, you must've been having a laugh....next time, put a smiley emoji on or something 😁 😁

Apologies, I thought you were a typical modern t**t with 'my friends are my family' spiel, yet ignoring your parents. Re in light of repaying what your neighbours did to you, to other people - you are an exemplary human being, all I can say. Apologies again.

This is literally the scenario in an NHS CBT workbook.