Just had a friend hide from me!

[Nefrititi]

I was just on the way back from the school run, I live on a main road so people can park all along it.
A good friend of mine parks there as she gets a lift into work from someone who lives up the road from me.
As I’m pulling up on my drive I see her getting out of her car but I’m already passed her to beep to acknowledge her (she defo sees me at this point)
So as I’m reversing on my drive I see her cross over the road (she normally walks my side and we’ll wave or a quick chat)
Then as I’m reversing she hides behind a large van opposite so that I can’t see her as I’m parked facing the road!
So I waited in my car to see if she would emerge the other side of the van but she didn’t. It was so obvious!
The thing is I’m the last person to hold someone up or chat for ages (massive introvert) and she’s the opposite and absolutely loves a chat.
We are actually going on holiday together next Monday with 2 other girls (me and one of the girls are paying for it as a treat as the other 2 are financially struggling).
I know I can be really sensitive but that just really hurt this morning. Also was my birthday in March and I didn’t even get a card from the 2 girls.

I do this when I'm having a bad day and can't face talking to anyone.
I wouldn't take it personally.

It’s a bit odd and I wouldn’t do it to a good friend, but very occasionally I’ve done something similar.

I went to the local petrol station shop on Saturday. As I pulled up I noticed a friend’s husband in the shop. He’s a nice guy, I get on with him, but for various reasons I just could
not be arsed with a conversation, so I sat in the car “faffing” until he’d left the shop and driven off.

Maybe she's had a tough weekend and just didn't want to make small talk.

I'm sorry but I think most of the replies saying oh just ignore it are from people who wouldn't say that if it was them.
I would definitely ask her why she was hiding from you! And see her squirm. Then I would cancel the holiday for her.
She is totally taking the piss and there is no excuse for her behaviour. This is not a friend and dosnt deserve your kindness. CF indeed.

As pp said to text..take a call.
Stressful day or many others
Perhaps kidnapped into the white van
Let it go...i will bypass people when i am inna stressed state or very tired..let it go or ask when you can

I have most definitely avoided people by pretending not have seen them mostly as I’m a bit awkward socially and find it hard to make small talk.
but I’ve definitely never done it to a close mate.
I think before people know me they probably think I’m a bit weird or unfriendly but they couldn’t be further from the truth - think I have resting b face 😂
Someone asked why we paid for the holiday?
As I said earlier we are in a position to do so and thought it would be a lovely gesture as they don’t have much and we’ve been in that position in the past.

Whaaaat? Why on earth would you want to see a friend squirm? Fhs 🤷‍♀️

I said ignore. I genuinely wouldn't give it another thought. Any well-balanced, non-paranoid person would just think 'Weird', ascribe it to a sudden phonecall/text, an attack of zits, just not being ready to see someone etc and not think any more about it.

But this is Mn, where people have 'friends' they've never much liked, and go on holiday bafflingly often with people who aren't particularly nice to them. And where someone not waving to you across a street is a valuable opportunity to cancel an upcoming holiday and 'go NC'.

Btw I never said how dare she be closer to the other friend. I think it’s great they’re closer, they’ve got more in common.
I don’t care about cards etc and a txt is lovely but my point was they definitely make more of an effort with others for their birthdays etc.
Micro scrutiny of actions? As I said I was putting it all down and feel better for doing so.
She has shared stuff with me about things she wouldn’t have told closer friends about and we’ve been through lots of ups and downs together.
I just thought it weird not to wave or beep as we’ve done that loads since she parks outside or near mine, something she’s knocked on the door to say she’s parked there

Come on now, who hasn’t played hide and seek?

op you are making up stories , yep she could hate you or she may have got up this morning in a foul mood and not be fit to speak to anyone lest she cry. She may have no make up on or bad hair or a massive zit or had Botox and is bruised. She may be exhausted or depressed and just not able to muster up a hello.

I'd probably message and say 'are you ok X, not sure if you saw me this morning, I was going to say but when I parked up you'd vanished!'

Why not? She saw her and hid from her. You would think because of the Holiday she would be very friendly not hide so obviously. If she was in a hurry and couldnt chat why would she stay hiding behind the van,?
As I said she was taking the piss and not too proud to take a free holiday. Yes I would definitely want her to squirm. She is not a friend.

This is the message I would likely send tbh if not I’ll say it on Saturday when I see her

She normally waves or chats. So i would assume she was in a hurry, unwell, upset or having a bad morning and couldnt face anyone.

I might be worried about her if very out if character and would check in on her at some point later in the week.

She could be feeling very awkward that you've paid for the holiday because you think she's poor. It doesn't exactly put you on an equal footing. I'd find it patronising.

It is a lovely gesture of you to offer this holiday op and they have accepted so it is strange she ignored you and I can understand that you feel a bit hurt and confused by that.

On the other hand, imho, the gift of a holiday shouldn’t make her any more or less responsive or beholden to you - beholden is too strong a word but I hope you know what I mean - than it would if you hadn’t given her this holiday ifyswim.

And people can feel a bit conflicted over gifts like this. They can on the one hand feel very grateful but at the same time feel a bit ashamed that they are in the position where people offer them a generous gesture like this. It’s a sensitive thing. And maybe the latter feeling triumphed briefly when she saw you unexpectedly.

It’s a difficult thing to explain but whereas giving someone a large present like a holiday may give you an uncomplicated “good” feeling of kindness or generosity or whatever, the recipient’s feelings are never quite as straightforward I think.

If she finds that patronising she wouldn’t have agreed to go. We said it in a way that wasn’t and that we had an unused holiday voucher.
If someone had asked me on that basis then I would definitely go.
Also as I’ve said before, I’ve been in a much worse position financially than her and now I’m not so thought it would be a really nice thing to suggest without her feeling patronised

I don’t think it needs such a sledgehammer approach. Could be all sorts of reasons why she did it, or maybe just in that moment she didn’t want to engage. Sometimes I’ve been in the mood to acknowledge and chat and sometimes I've taken a great interest in the window display of a vape shop (I don’t smoke/vape) for the same person.

Maybe she was talking to someone else behind the van

Thank you for this but as far as she knows it’s not costing us anything and I would never ever feel that someone should be beholden to me for a holiday.
It just seemed a nice thing to do at the time

😆

I would be more concerned she’s ok than hoping to see a friend squirm. Also best to get extra info first before condemning her to the friend scrapheap.

Fair enough op. I wasn’t suggesting that you were lording it over her or anything remotely like that btw. You sound like a lovely person!

I don’t suppose there is any way she could have found out that it is costing you something?

I'd do this, Op

the other day I was crying in the garden (long story) and my lovely neighbour came out. I didn't want her to see me all red eyed and sniffling so I hid in the shed

turned out she was STRIMMING HER LAWN

and there were SPIDERS

ended up sat on the shed floor for about an hour

(it was still better than the alternative imo)

I'd be surprised if she believed the whole 'spare voucher' story.