Just had a friend hide from me!

[Nefrititi]

I was just on the way back from the school run, I live on a main road so people can park all along it.
A good friend of mine parks there as she gets a lift into work from someone who lives up the road from me.
As I’m pulling up on my drive I see her getting out of her car but I’m already passed her to beep to acknowledge her (she defo sees me at this point)
So as I’m reversing on my drive I see her cross over the road (she normally walks my side and we’ll wave or a quick chat)
Then as I’m reversing she hides behind a large van opposite so that I can’t see her as I’m parked facing the road!
So I waited in my car to see if she would emerge the other side of the van but she didn’t. It was so obvious!
The thing is I’m the last person to hold someone up or chat for ages (massive introvert) and she’s the opposite and absolutely loves a chat.
We are actually going on holiday together next Monday with 2 other girls (me and one of the girls are paying for it as a treat as the other 2 are financially struggling).
I know I can be really sensitive but that just really hurt this morning. Also was my birthday in March and I didn’t even get a card from the 2 girls.

My work is really busy and I have to carefully time dog walks etc. ( I WFH). The amount of retired friends / acquaintances I have who will always try and stop me for a (long) chat as they have all the time in the world, and I have ten minutes, is crazy. My neighbour is the same. She doesn't work, but I have a small and carefully timed window to walk in. She always catches me to chat when I leave the house for walks, and I just don't have the time!

It could have been something like this for your friend. Not my exact examples but whatever it is that's keeping her busy.

If she did hide, and if she is one of the friends you're funding, then yes I'd be furious.

Could you text something like Hi I saw you this morning on my way back, but I don’t think you saw me, so here’s a wave hello 🙋‍♀️ See you soon, love ….

God that happened to me once, poor kids had to run to keep up with me 😂 Made it home in time but my god the sweat was pouring off my face 😂. If I’d been passing a friend I’d have had to push them out the way 🫣

I’d do this.

There is a lot of insane point scoring going on here.

• so first of all you and your friend are actually family and you are close. And the other two girls are close.
• you offered them a 'voucher' for their holiday. They didn't ask for it.
• they wished you on your birthday.
• she normally does wave/chat to you

So just this once she didn't. And she's dared to be closer to another friend. And didn't give you a card but simply wished you. And now she's the bad friend who needs to be cut off.

At this point she might well be relieved to be cut off. This kind of micro scrutiny of actions is truly the epitome of overthinking things.

I honestly don't know anyone who sends birthday cards these days, isn't a nice message the norm? If you're actually going out for someone's birthday that's different (as opposed to sending/delivering one)

Personally I think you're overthinking this OP. It could have been absolutely anything and almost certainly not to do with you. And how do you know she hadn't just got a text or call which distracted her, it could even have been before you pulled up.

Maybe a big spot/ looked grim/ unbrushed hair/ something in her teeth/ has a sickness bug?
YABU

You've not said anything about simply asking her now. Don't wait until Saturday, don't wait for her to say it to you, just say "Hey, all OK? I beeped hello this morning but you jumped behind that van!" or make it more funny if you want, but why wouldn't you simply ask your friend?

What? 😂

I think your overthinking i avoid people when im in a rush to

She probably hasn't put her makeup on .... I can't face people without mine
Just drop her a text
"Really looking forward to next week ... I think I saw you this morning? Everything ok"?

if she’s a good enough friend to go on holiday with she should be ok with a message saying hey why don’t you say hello today?!

It would be a cold day in hell before I went on holiday with somebody who blatantly hid from me rather than even wave and shout ”sorry can’t stop, running late!” never mind paying for it.
I would personally speak to cousin and discuss this holiday arrangements.
I would be of the opinion that the voucher has gone out of date so if you want to come you pay. I genuinely couldn’t enjoy myself with her there knowing l had paid for her to come on holiday and she so blatantly ignored me.

I would put it down to her not wanting to face anyone and chat for what ever reason.
Maybe she was in a bad mood, felt unwell, was rushing etc and didn't even want to do the 'sorry, im in a rush, catch you later' speech.
I know there gave been days where I could hardly manage a smile, let alone a ' hi'!

@Sj07 This is the first thing that crossed my mind, OP. That the 'getting a lift to work' is not exactly what is going on here and she doesn't want you to find out.

Maybe she just didn't feel like chatting for whatever reason?

I know I've deliberately avoided people from time to time as I just couldn't be arsed, and it was no reflection on them.

Sometimes in the mornings when I do the school run I can’t be bothered to speak to anyone. I look and feel like shit - young children, my dad is very poorly and I have a lot going on at work. I would avoid anyone. It’s nothing personal I just want to get home and have 5 mins peace and get myself together before I start my day.

Why are you paying for her holiday?

That hurts. No way around it. Whether she was avoiding a chat or avoiding you specifically, hiding behind a van is weird and childish.
A few possibilities. She was in a rush and didn't want to stop. She's stressed about something and avoiding people in general. Or she's avoiding you specifically.

She probably didn’t have time or wasn’t dressed properly. Maybe the little chats hold her up in the morning, who knows? I wouldn’t be offended.

I wouldn't judge it on this alone. Obviously if there are other things she starts doing it might mean something more. Maybe she had a medical issue. Sometimes I avoid people if it's some issue like that.

Maybe she was pooing behind the van

This definitely. I’ve pretended I haven’t seen people in the past, not because I didn’t want to talk to them, but that I haven’t wanted to talk to anyone. I’ve just seen them at a bad time.

I apologise if I hurt your feelings but you were acting entitled.

No one owes you a conversation and no one owes you an explanation of why they didn’t have a conversation with you.

If you’re an over-thinker then in the gentlest way, it’s your problem and no one else’s.

OP has said this woman has a lot of things going on and as she’s normally chatty and friendly, something was obviously wrong that day and it’s not for you or OP to be prying or making it personal.

I’d probably send her a quick text asking if she was ok. I agree with pp though, she and the other one aren’t really your friends but if you do go on holiday just enjoy yourself and distance yourself from them after it.