MIL keeps asking about children’s savings accounts

[bysy]

A while ago my MIL mentioned she thought it was a good idea if we opened up savings accounts for our kids. So we can save on their behalf and also when the family gives money for them, it can all go into their own savings accounts.

we said yeah good idea, we will get around to doing it. I set up a savings account for them under my own account for now. Anyway, every birthday she’s always asking why haven’t we set up a savings account yet. She’s nagging us. Then recently it was one of my kids birthdays and she clearly got SIL to pressure us in the group chat, asking if we’d finally opened a savings account for our children’s future.

I was super pissed off. For what it’s worth, we do have the savings accounts now and I did tell them that I also have one for them under my own account.

then MIL comes round and tells my son to go and find the card they gave him with money in it (cash) it’s like she wanted to see if the cash was still in the card. It pissed me off again.

when SIL asked on the chat about the account I gave her the details of the joint savings account and said any money anyone had given them has gone in there already and will continue to go in there.

I think it’s so rude and intrusive do keep going on about this though. Kids are 4 and 6 for reference.

also for reference I give my nieces and nephews money for their birthdays and have never asked their parents if they have a savings account or enquired where the money has gone that I have given them.

it’s typical MIL dominance here.

You have a card with which you can instantly access cash from a savings account? I guess maybe a kids one but I didn't think that's how they worked.

Sure - but that's not what the MIL is asking for. She wants the OP to set up an account in the children's name, and prove to her that any birthday money is being deposited in there (hence asking the child to show her the card and check the money was still in there). There's an implication of not trusting the OP, and that MIL knows best what should happen to their birthday gifts.

We don't put birthday/ Christmas money in an ISA and keep it in an account linked to DH's account (though it's in DD's name and taxed accordingly) because we want the option of being able to access it (FOR HER) if we decide that spending it on something she would greatly enjoy or benefit from right now is the better option. We save differently/ more efficiently for her elsewhere - but this is about birthday gifts. Some people don't save birthday money at all - and that's perfectly valid if that's what they want. My own family are happy for me to do whatever I think best, but I think they have somewhat the expectation that it's going to be spent on something bigger that she'd enjoy. You don't get to give a gift and say what happens to it.

The OP has her reasons for organising her children's savings accounts the way she has - you can not agree it's the best way, the MIL can not agree it's the best way - but ultimately it's not really anyone else's business.

If MIL went to her son and said 'I want to invest X amount for DC's future, I will only do this if it's in a Junior ISA as I believe that's the best option for them, could you open one and share the details with me so I can contribute?' - that's one thing, although note I said the person she should be talking to is her son, not the OP. What she doesn't get to do is dictate that this is what happens to her birthday gifts.

She can save £50 a year in whatever way makes sense to her for her grandchildren, she can persuade her son to open the kind of account she approves of and deposit £50 a year, she can buy physical birthday gifts instead/ as well as the money, or she can bung the cash in a card and accept it'll get spent/ saved however the child's parents see fit until the child is deemed old enough (by said child's parents) to have an input.

Is it in your name or name their name though?

My friend's MIL swindled her own child out of a 500k inheritance... If something like that has happened in her family you can understand where she's coming from!

Make your husband et up accounts for your children in their names! You MiL is right, sorry

Tbf you could just open up an JISA in your child's name for grandparents etc to put money in. I have both a JISA and a seperate pot in our joint account we're putting savings in for my 6 year old.

Relatives can put birthday money and gifts in the JISA that is solely in my child's name, where as my husband and I put savings in a savings account we control but intend to give DC when we think they'll need it most, ie towards a house deposit. The one under our name is so that we have more control as we were both terrible with money as teens/20s. The JISA our child can then either save or piss up the wall when they're 18 but its their money that they will have autonomy over.

Can you set up an account in your child's name solely for your grandparents and relatives to add to? Personally I think its massively fair that they want to give money and put it directly into their GCs account, you can still keep your own seperate savings for them that you control and add to.

I think the children get contacted by letter once they reach 18 or whenever it is. It's precisely to avoid people being able to set up a kids' ISA but not really for the kids.

If your MIL is dominating you its because you are letting her. she cant do it unless you allow it and you are allowing it.

We have this too. But if a grandparent is talking about putting potentially thousands into an account, where would you prefer they did it? I'm asking as I genuinely don't know, and might be in a similar situation!

I guess at the moment if the money goes into the kid's account, I could access it and squirrel any big chunks away into 'our' savings (the one I am keeping separate specifically for him).

But, if the GP is making large gifts and there are tax implications, I suspect that might get more complicated.

Well she wanted to put money in the kids accounts, not yours so I see her point. If she’s doing the same for other grandkids then I can see why she pushed. An account in your name is not the same as an account in their own name - also for tax purposes she might need it going into account in their names.

It a grandparent puts money in to yours sons account you can’t move it into an account in your name

I would just think she just wants the bank details so she can transfer directly and not get catch out. I would be pretty happy that she is thinking about the kids future.

Yes, we did this until we knew they would be sensible with money. No one had an issue with it.

PIL bought NS&I bonds when they were born and then on every birthday. I noticed that the first one had only DH’s name on as the parent, so I passed it to him in front of them and said that he’s named on it as the managing parent. DH looked at it as if to say what am I supposed to do with this? I think the message got home as the next one had both our names on it. I thought that was interesting as they knew I deal with our finances and yet only put his name on the bond.

What mechanism do you think prevents me doing that?

I can log into my son's account and move the money wherever I want. I won't, but there is nothing to stop me.
E.g. if I buy him a video game on my credit card, he wants to pay me back from his bank account, I can go in and do that by transferring the amount to my bank account.

They most likely do t want to hand over substantial sums of money to their DIL to do what she wants with it. DIL is the one being a dick here.

You've obviously never met one of the many 18 year olds who gained access to savings on their 18th birthday and over the course of the next 18mths blew a load of it on shit.
Not a chance am I opening accounts in my kids names. I'll save the money on their behalf and when they are old enough /mature enough it'll be passed to them to go on something worthwhile like a house deposit. Very unlikely I'd give it before 21, not taking the risk with hard earned money!

It's not just tax either - there have been a lot of MN posts over the years saying "My parents gave my sibling X but now they are getting divorced and the money they said I would get has gone."

EXACTLY a reason why grandparents might want to properly ring-fence their DGC savings, rather than giving to DIL and potentially losing it all in a divorce.

What's with implying that her DIL, their grandchildren's mother, is going to do 'what she wants' with it?

The OP is clear - it's the occasional £50 on the kids birthday. You don't get to dictate what happens to a birthday gift.

If they want to invest 'substantial sums of money' (which is neither written nor implied in the OP) then they can do that - buy premium bonds, set up their own accounts, buy a property in their grandchild's name, bury gold under the floorboards or whatever else they see fit.

Or - shocking idea I know - speak to their own bloody son and discuss with him what would be best.

They don't get to accuse their DIL of trying to steal her own children's birthday gifts.

They haven't accused the DIL of anything. The son has now set up children's accounts, which what should have been done in the first place.

It appears your MIL thinks saving from a young age is important and developing good habits for the future. Having individual accounts in the children's own names is reinforcing this. The way your MIL is approaching this with you may not be the most tactful but she obviously cares. In this instance I would probably just show her the individual accounts, smile and say any contributions are very welcome.

If MIL is that bothered why doesn't she open up an account for them and put the money in herself? Both my mum and MIL did this from when my DD was 3 years old, they did this so they could put regular money away for her to be hers to do with as she wishes when she is older, especially as the child accounts even in trust get better tax deals etc, its a relief as if she wants to do uni/ buy a car/ buy a property etc she'll have a nice lump sum, especially as my mum and MIL passed away a few years ago, so its nice to have that for my DD. But I agree your MIL sounds like she's accusing you and or your husband of spunking your children's money!!

People can save for their children in whatever way they like. The most financially savvy people I know do NOT put money in junior ISA's purely because the child can access it at 18 and there's such a high risk it then won't be spend on what the saver intended it for. 18 year olds aren't known for being sensible with money!!

I'm a bit 50/50. I understand wanting to save gifts in the GC's accounts (although asking to see the birthday cash as "proof" of something is a disgusting way to treat your DIL) but the decision on how it is managed and when they can access it should be the parents'.

We get money transferred into our current account and since around age 5 have let DS spend half of it before it goes into his Kids Saver. But it's now at 5k and with 11 years to go until he is 18 we're not going to pay into it forevermore. If we start a uni fund/house fund it'll be in one of our ISAs.

My IL set up saving account for the kids themsleves - I think DH gave them brith certifcate to do so - they were always in the kids names and nothing to do with us.

We had child trust funds we paid in every month - they got those as well as IL cheque at 18.

Did sometimes have to manage expectations about amount IL were saving- 5K in end -as MIl was exaggerating how much it would be - house buying levels she sometime made out partly inflation passing her by and partly normal exaggeration - but it was a very nice thing for them to do.

We also had funds under DH name for them - those have been used mainly for incidental uni expenses and any left for first job costs.

Birthday money went into the child trust fund when too young to spend it. Then they started spending it so that stopped. Then we realised there was a lot of money in the house - oldest was a teen - so we opened child saving and current account for them - which they then controlled - with cards that can't go overdrawn. Been useful to them - they then kept birthday money mix of cash and in their accounts - useful for college and get money for buses to them.

I was astonished when it came out DN who worked and earned since 16 had no bank account her wages were paid into her mum bank account - that didn't stop till she was past 18.

I don't see why you can't easily open a child account in their names and give that to DH family to pay money into - and keep the ones under your name to manage how you want as well.

About 25 yrs ago, I was able to open up an account at our local building society for my step-granddaughter. It was specifically for children and the rule was that you could only open it if you were a parent or grandparent.

I thought that I might not be allowed to open it since I was only a step-grandmother, but was told at the branch that I could. I already had accounts of my own at the branch.

I deposited a thousand - maybe not a lot in some people's eyes, but a lot of money for me at the time. (I had initially set it aside as a contribution for the baby's parents' wedding, but it seemed that they weren't going to get married.)

I can't remember what the account was called now - it definitely was not an ISA - but it had a very good rate of interest and had been recommended in both the Guardian and Telegraph money pages.

I later signed control of it over to the child's mother.

It may well be that grandmothers are no longer allowed to open accounts for children.

Some of the advice on what’s best only applies if you’re saving over a certain amount.

My bank sets up two accounts for kids - saving one with no card and a current account one with card when they reach 11 that doesn't allow the account to go overdrawn at all.

They can then internet or phone bank and transfer the money between the two. Older two then at 18 and off to uni opened student accounts with another bank and have current account and savings with them as well.

The card was useful when they started going out and about themselves in teen years and very useful for paying bus fares to college rather than having to find exact change.