MIL keeps asking about children’s savings accounts

[bysy]

A while ago my MIL mentioned she thought it was a good idea if we opened up savings accounts for our kids. So we can save on their behalf and also when the family gives money for them, it can all go into their own savings accounts.

we said yeah good idea, we will get around to doing it. I set up a savings account for them under my own account for now. Anyway, every birthday she’s always asking why haven’t we set up a savings account yet. She’s nagging us. Then recently it was one of my kids birthdays and she clearly got SIL to pressure us in the group chat, asking if we’d finally opened a savings account for our children’s future.

I was super pissed off. For what it’s worth, we do have the savings accounts now and I did tell them that I also have one for them under my own account.

then MIL comes round and tells my son to go and find the card they gave him with money in it (cash) it’s like she wanted to see if the cash was still in the card. It pissed me off again.

when SIL asked on the chat about the account I gave her the details of the joint savings account and said any money anyone had given them has gone in there already and will continue to go in there.

I think it’s so rude and intrusive do keep going on about this though. Kids are 4 and 6 for reference.

also for reference I give my nieces and nephews money for their birthdays and have never asked their parents if they have a savings account or enquired where the money has gone that I have given them.

it’s typical MIL dominance here.

You have to get the parents to set up the account though. It is very painful to do if they aren’t eager to do it.

Didn't realise that. What a pain.

My Mum was like this. We had accounts for the DC, and she had the account details so could transfer directly but every time it was a birthday or Christmas she would hassle me and ask if her money had been transferred to the accounts. But I didn't have the account details, DH did. So I had to ask him, he had to check (because we only got yearly paper statements) then I'd have to let her know because apparently a text message from her SIL wasn't sufficient. Sigh. It was more trouble than it was worth. Once I could understand but after that it was just her anxiety.

This.

MIL and SIL are trying to do something nice for your kids future. It’s not hard to open a savings account in their names, and I’m not surprised they’re wondering why you won’t.

Why?

I’m so shocked by how many people are defending this?

It’s non of their fucking business.

My in laws give DD money every Christmas and birthday, and I have a big family on my side and some of them do the same. More often than not we put it in her savings, but those savings are currently in a savings account linked to DH’s main account. If we choose to spend some of it on something for her, we will do that. The money was given as a birthday gift for DD and we as her parents are best placed to know what will most benefit her. We haven’t actually done this often, but we are contemplating a big, expensive purchase for her that she will love and get a lot of benefit from, and considering putting the money she gets this year towards it. That’s up to us, and my in laws/ family would absolutely support us doing what we think best.

Birthday money is a gift - you can’t specify what happens to a gift. If you want to put money into savings for a child nothing is stopping you, but you can’t dictate that’s what has to happen to their birthday gift.

My two nieces I tend to give cash to now they’re getting older, along with smaller token gifts at Christmas and birthdays. Their mum puts it in a separate account, along with money received from other family, but has dipped into that account before to pay for a trip to an expensive attraction the girls were desperate to go to and the family would not have afforded otherwise. They had an amazing time and the girls were thrilled - absolutely no issue with that whatsoever, am so glad they were able to have that experience which is what they both wanted.

For the record we save separately for DD in an account in her name, and as I understand it in laws are doing the same. We’re not in the business of ‘siphoning off‘ money intended for her - but we’re also not going to be dictated to on what we do with her birthday gifts, if that’s a problem then don’t give her a gift honestly.

Nope, they’re trying to dictate where birthday money goes. If they want to save for the kids there’s nothing stopping them doing that separately.

I've set up a savings account for my grandchild and am paying a regular monthly amount. I haven't told son and DIL yet. I'm hoping it will be a nice surprise in the future.

To be fair, if you have taken years to "get round" to setting up savings accounts (a job that takes an hour maximum) i would be wondering what the issue was.I too would want to make sure they money i was giving my Grandchildren for their savings accounts was actually being saved.

This

Your making a drama about nothing

This is intrusive behaviour and it is hurtful not to be trusted.

I would not need to check that my children & their partners are doing the right thing for their children as I know they are decent people. I would not dream of asking for account numbers.

Your MIL sounds suspicious of you OP. Could you raise this with her in a calm way and clear the air?

If you give your grandchildren money for their birthday it is not up to you to decide what happens to that money.

If their parents choose to save all, save some and spend some, or spend all then that’s up to them (and eventually the child depending on age). Providing it’s being spent on the child or saved for the child - and if you don’t trust your own children to do that for theirs then that’s an issue.

In that case, you have 2 options. Give them actual physical birthday gifts which young children at least will enjoy more.

Or set up a savings account in their name yourself and pay into that every birthday.

Am with you. It is interfering and cheeky.
We did not open separate accounts for our children, both because of the danger you highlight of them having access to the money at an age when they might make unwise decisions and because we had seen what rampant inflation in the 70’s had done to the relative value of savings accounts set up for very young children.
We did do a lot of saving, in our names, throughout their childhood. This was what allowed us to support them through uni, offer interest free car loans, help with deposits for house purchase, all things which set them up in a stronger financial position than a savings account which they got at 18 and blew. MIL disagreed with our approach so bought premium bonds. They learned about the value of saving from piggy banks, deals with us to hold back pocket money for something, and teen bank accounts as soon as they were old enough.
With our grandchildren we buy things they need and some premium bonds.
Cash in birthday cards is for the child to choose how to spend.

If MIL wants to save money for her grandchildren she doesn’t have to go via you to do it. She can open her own savings account for her grandchildren.

I have accounts which I've named as my children's savings. I actually got the idea from mumsnet as there was lots of talk of 18 year olds being really irresponsible which they can be. I think having some control over the money so they don't waste it is sensible. I'm not going to steal my children's money and would be annoyed at having to prove I'm not doing that.

If you save 'for children' in your own name, it can impact your tax situation, or entitlement to benefits. My ex wanted to save money in our names rather than DC's. He wanted half of the money when I left him. Luckily, I'd ignored his wishes.

My ex MIL did this with me too. Now we are going way back into the mid 90’s. I had a bank account opened for my oldest son, and my mother in law would ask to see the bank account and would make the excuse she wanted to put money into his bank. I never gave her it, as it’s no business of hers what is in his account, and I hated the fact that she didn’t trust me. She eventually said she had opened an account for him and at one point told me she had saved £5000 for him and he would get it when he turned 18.
She never opened a bank account for him as she would have needed his birth certificate for it which she never asked me for. Needless to say my son has never saw a penny of this money that she apparently “put away for him”. Whereas when my son told her how much money I had given him when he turned 21, well let’s just say her jaw dropped.

This is fine but you pay tax on their interest at marginal rate as it is yours. There would no such tax if it was in their name and they would also get a higher rate of interest. That could be the difference between your child earning 5% interest or 2%. Big difference

Well, you have already said that you don't want DS to have access to the money when he's 18. If you want to save money intended for him and choose when he gets it, that's your choice, but if MIL wants it to go into an account that is for him and belongs to him to access when he becomes an adult, that's also her choice. It takes a few minutes to set up a savings account and the interest rates are very good, so I don't understand why you wouldn't do it. If MIL was to save money for him under her own name and then die within 7 years of giving it to him, it would be subject to IHT rules.

My MIL wouldn’t have been able to recognise our kids in a crowd, so maybe be grateful she’s looking to gift them money. Seems odd to look a gift horse in the mouth!

Why not open a JISA (up to 9K a year) for them if she’d like to invest regularly. Or if your worried about them having access to cash at 18, a JSIP, £2880 a year limit as they have no earnings, topped up by the government to £3660 and they can’t access till 10yrs below state pension age, so currently 57yrs.
£2880 a year from birth to 67yrs would yield a 1.5m pension with conservative growth, so well worth staring as a child!

Because maybe she wants to use the kid’s birthday money to buy them a trampoline for the garden, or take them to a theme park?

The OP has savings accounts for her kids. It may not be the kind that you, or other posters here would think best, but she’s made her perfectly valid choice as a parent.

Her MIL is not just randomly giving money towards saving for the child’s future, she’s giving them a birthday gift. It’s not up to her to dictate what’s done with it, and it’s bloody insulting of her to imply the OP is stealing it.

Perhaps if your DH sent his mother the account details for his DC she would put more money in?

OP you sound like you hate your MIL and you are not very financially savvy either.

Just give her the account details. She isn't the problem here.

It does matter what you do with it, and is the fonors business, if the financial gift is given with the intention of being for the childs future financial security. However. If it is just birthday gift money you are certainly free to spend it how you and the child would like.

The most efficient way of earning money for children is in a Junior ISA. The interest is tax free. However whilst a grandparent can pay into one they can’t set it up, a parent has to do that.

My son has 2 savings accounts. The first one is an account he's unaware of, that we pay monthly into and when young any birthday/Christmas money was deposited. The second account is one that he's fully aware of, and he saves up pocket money/birthday/Christmas money and deposits. He can access the second account, and take out money if he wishes.

A child having their own account, that they can access, teaches them how to save. So half of their Christmas/birthday money they can spend, the rest is saved. If you can afford it, set up a second account each and pay into it yourself, and don't tell them.