To think this is why I don’t host parties.

[giveitupm8]

Every year we have a few friends come over to watch Eurovision. Nothing fancy just snacks, drinks and a bit of fun.
Over the year several other friends and acquaintances have expressed an interest in coming along and a couple encouraged me to have a full blown party this year.
So we did. Invited 30 people via Facebook events. Bought and made loads of food, created a special cocktail for the evening. Hired extra glasses. We even decided to buy a soundbar for the tv. We had 25 people accept the invite.
One friend of a friend even messaged me to say ‘hey where’s my invite?! I love Eurovision’ so added her and her husband.

Just after Saturday lunch the excuses came rolling in.
5 people too hungover
3 people kids were sick
1 person said they couldn't come because her husband was going out (despite the fact that both were invited and accepted)

3 just tired
1 person with a dead cat (fair enough on that one)

Okay so these things happen but i was a bit annoyed at the tired and hungover ones given all the effort.

12 of us was still a good number so was looking forward to the night

3 people turned up. The friends who would come anyway. The 10 or so who should have been there? Not a sausage. No message to say can’t come. Nothing. The excited friend who demanded an invite? Nothing.

Im so sad and embarrassed. So angry at the wasted food and effort. Is this what people are like now? AIBU to never host a party again?

Adding: the invite went out 6 weeks ahead of the event. Spoke with most attendees at least once in the intervening time and we discussed the party. I messaged the whole group on Saturday morning to remind them and to advise on parking.

That is very very strange.

I don’t think it is. It’s the way of the world now.

Oh that's frustrating. People can be really crap sometimes. Not been let down for a party, but definitely for birthday gatherings and nights out. I always feel anxious about parties because you hear so many horrors stories, but they've all be OK so far.

How old are you? I found people were generally worst for this in 20s (getting into careers/doing too much) and 30s (careers getting in the way, young kids so more clashes/illness which isn't really anyone's fault) and from my 40s onwards it's been better again.

Really? I have friends over fairly often, it’s very rare for someone to not show. That’s really sad if so, and Yanbu in that case op. Though I would find an entire set of new friends as this isn’t my experience

Thats awful people need to get better at just saying no if they don't want to do something instead of messing people about. You know who your true friends are at least

That's awful. The 3 who turned up and the person whose cat died are your friends now. Forget the others.

I always have somebody who doesn't turn up out of a group of 20 or 30, but never a number like this. I think we're older than OP's group though.

I have never, ever RSVPd to anything and not turned up without telling the host. It is unbelievably inconsiderate and selfish. I’m baffled that so many people all did the same.

We are mid 40s

That’s really crappy. I wouldn’t spend any time or effort on the ‘friends’ who pushed you to have a party they didn’t bother to pitch up for!

Thankfully it’s not the way of my world.

You have a friends problems.
Ive hosted plenty parties and often 2 or 3 pull out on the day but most people who accepted have come.
I’ve NEVER had anyone just not turn up!

That’s awful.

I would wonder if using facebook to issue the invitations ,any have made it seem more optional? Sending individual messages via WhatsApp (or even paper invites) might have made it seem more official.

I would certainly think that following people up on this would be very reasonable though possibly you don’t have the stomach for it.

I wonder if these FB event things mean that people don’t really feel the same commitment when accepting them, when it’s just a click of a button to say yes or no. I’ve never experienced anything like this scale with proper one to one invitations.

The couple of friends who encouraged the bigger party ducked out in the afternoon. One was a ‘tired’ one and the other was the one whose husband was going out so she had to stay home!!

That’s terrible! Went to one last night one no show due to tiredness everyone else was there danced drank and wore crazy costumes. We are an established party group though and all live within walking distance.

Incredibly rude and also why I don't host parties

Rude. Well you’ll know not to host a party again.

I remember back in the 2000’s going to my friends 18th birthday party. Her family had hired a hall, a DJ, a mobile bar… 5 people including me showed up. She’d invited the whole year group.

That’s really crappy for you OP. I’d remember who didn’t show up and didn’t communicate and reassess how committed you need to be to the friendships.

Mid 40s and people cancelled because they had a hangover! Most of my friends can't go out Friday and Saturday night anyway!

Obviously not all, but a lot of people seem to only care about themselves these days. There’s just no loyalty anymore or guilt, as long as they’re alright.

That’s crappy behaviour but too many people seem to think they can accept invites then decide on the day whether to attend because of “boundaries” or whatever.

I often don’t fancy parties when the day comes but when I receive invitations I’m honest that I’m a “maybe” and discuss that with the host (unless it’s a best best friend & I’m 100% committed)

There is a bit of this occurring now , more so since covid

Every year until recently we hosted a big party in August , started mid afternoon - families, BBQ, went on till early morning with people arriving after their work or after they had been out for an evening and just popped in - people always came

Then the first one we hosted after covid - very few attended. We never did formal invites, it was all word of mouth, other then close friends, and it was those that blew out last minute

That’s outrageous! What shit friends 🙁

Have you called these 'friends' out?