To think this is why I don’t host parties.

[giveitupm8]

Every year we have a few friends come over to watch Eurovision. Nothing fancy just snacks, drinks and a bit of fun.
Over the year several other friends and acquaintances have expressed an interest in coming along and a couple encouraged me to have a full blown party this year.
So we did. Invited 30 people via Facebook events. Bought and made loads of food, created a special cocktail for the evening. Hired extra glasses. We even decided to buy a soundbar for the tv. We had 25 people accept the invite.
One friend of a friend even messaged me to say ‘hey where’s my invite?! I love Eurovision’ so added her and her husband.

Just after Saturday lunch the excuses came rolling in.
5 people too hungover
3 people kids were sick
1 person said they couldn't come because her husband was going out (despite the fact that both were invited and accepted)

3 just tired
1 person with a dead cat (fair enough on that one)

Okay so these things happen but i was a bit annoyed at the tired and hungover ones given all the effort.

12 of us was still a good number so was looking forward to the night

3 people turned up. The friends who would come anyway. The 10 or so who should have been there? Not a sausage. No message to say can’t come. Nothing. The excited friend who demanded an invite? Nothing.

Im so sad and embarrassed. So angry at the wasted food and effort. Is this what people are like now? AIBU to never host a party again?

Adding: the invite went out 6 weeks ahead of the event. Spoke with most attendees at least once in the intervening time and we discussed the party. I messaged the whole group on Saturday morning to remind them and to advise on parking.

Yes, I do see this encouraged on Mumsnet. It's so gross. I detest the implication that being kindly invited to something is such a chore and sooooooo onerous.

I would definitely say something, perhaps ‘lots of people bailed on me at the last minute, it’s made me wary of hosting again as there was lots of wasted food.’

I think people who do this justify it by telling themselves other people will attend so their flakiness doesn’t matter.

I have ADHD and socialising can be hard but I think very hard before making a commitment because I know when I say yes, I will not back out save for an emergency.

I think people think that they won't be missed. Im like that, and haven't turned up to one friend's party regularly as she always has a full house. Your friends sound like they thought it was all casual. Next time id just not host, or else organise a WhatsApp group where people definitely confirm

It's very ignorant. People should just say no in the first place. Cancelling on the day is only acceptable if a person is genuinely ill or something has happened such as close family member is ill in hospital etc. It costs a lot of time and effort to organise a party and to not show up is really rude.

People don't not turn up because the host is 'not popular' ffs. They don't turn up because they are self-absorbed and thoughtless.

Now?
It has always happened, I've known many people years ago ending up feeling like Miss Havisham with no-shows.

Op, a Eurovision party seems rather silly to me but if that floats your boat, fair enough. No doubt others caught your enthusiasm when mentioned but then things intervened and it didn't seem so important. Each probably thought everyone else would turn up and they wouldn't be missed.

If you decide to do it again, tell people they are welcome to come if they bring a plate and bottle to share. The idea of you going to much trouble and expense for something so banal is beyond the comprehension of most.

I wonder if it all sounded as if people wouldn't be letting you down if they didn't come?

I'm terrible for wanting to do something and then as the event approaches feeling like I would rather stay at home. I've learnt to force myself into going as I always enjoy it once I am there so I do empathisr with people who do that.

I think you invited too early and maybe played down the importance of it to your friends so they didn't worry about letting you down.

It's a shame but don't take it personally and fall out over it. Maybe go for small one t time and invite people to bring their own then if they come they come.

That’s awful. I’m sorry people have been such arseholes. If it makes you feel any better, I had a smallish leaving do (was moving overseas pretty permanently) and one ‘friend’ just didn’t show up, another was sick but I suspect actually hungover. I didn’t bother seeing either again before I left.

I believe that, apart from uncontrollable factors such as falling ill or having to deal with a sudden emergency, everything else is within our control. So, when things are within our control, agreeing to attend a party but failing to make time for it due to personal reasons is disrespectful to the host.

I’d be gutted too OP. I’m mostly a people pleaser but things like this push me over the edge and I would have to comment on the Facebook event about my dismay at their flakiness. There’s no way I could brush this off.

@WeatherOrNothing ..the ideal that a 40th is cringe made me laugh

No party or celebration is cringe. What a sad take on life. I actually loved my 40th party and most people I know had one. People.cancelled mostly due to babies and toddlers as it was a time when our kids were small...but the party itself was brilliant and we all danced to the early hours. My generation grew up raving in the 90s and would never describe any gathering for fun as cringy!

This is the whole.modern notion that enjoying yourself is performative and dependant on the approval of others...and actually what leads to people selfishly not turning up.

https://www.spectator.com.au/2025/11/the-rise-of-the-on-the-day-party-drop-out/

You are not alone
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/jan/07/flaking-out-of-social-plans

This has happened to me before. Two things- be honest with them that you had lots of no shows as (selfishly) they will not realise the impact of flakiness. Everyone assumes it’s fine if they drop out as there’ll still be loads other people going.

Second point is why I no longer do group invites (unless it’s a close friend group of 5 or less people) where everyone can see who is attending. Not on Facebook or WhatsApp. As everyone will say yes in the group but only privately say no. So the group won’t have a true idea of numbers and that’s often why they assume it doesn’t matter if they drop out.

I still think it’s really shit though - people have become more like this since Covid and it makes it really difficult to plan larger events.

I would absolutely post on Facebook a message to the effect ; We were asked by ., of you to host a full euro party. Which we did costing extra time and expense . As only the usual 3 we have every year attended, please do not ask next year.

Im sorry this happened, some people are so rude and selfish. I would have put up a picture of all the food and drink left over, with a caption " what am I suppose to do with all this waste when so called friends let you down?"
We just had my DHs bro and sis in law. Had prawn cocktail, chilli, and jam sponge and custard, and apart from England being last, we had a lovely time.
I do think England should pull out of Eurovision though, we could have had Freddie Mercury, Mick Jagger, or George Michael singing for us and we would still get nil points.

When my daughter was getting married a group of “friends” agreed to go to her house to help her make the wedding favours. She had a baby so it was easier than going out . My daughter , who is an excellent cook, made some food and bought wine , tidied house etc. Last minute they called to say they had decided to go out instead . I was fuming for her and had to bite my tongue at the wedding. Fortunately she hardly sees them now .

That’s awful 😞 absolutely i wouldn’t host again after that, those who didn’t message are incredibly rude and i don’t think much those who cancelled due to a hangover, they knew about your event and could have watched their drinking. I hosted a Christmas party and those who had work do’s the night before still came. One had a bad cold and she came! Just kept her distance a bit.
Sorry OP.

I’m your age and that’s never happened. We always have a few that don’t turn up, but they cancel prior.
personallly I would message each one and say what you’ve said here.

I know. I had second hand embarrassment at the idea having a party to celebrate a particular event is cringe. But then I always find it embarrassing when people over 25 set themselves up as the arbiter of what’s cool or not.

You can have a gathering for anything you want.

I’m sorry this happened to you OP. The hungover excuse would particularly sting for me. It’s like saying someone else’s event was more of a priority. Just rude! I wouldn’t put myself out for the no shows in future. You don’t have to drop them but just put them in the casual friends category.

You just found out who your friends really are.

If that happened to me I would put a blanket message out to all of them saying how rude it was and what a waste of your time and effort it has been. It won't change anything for you but maybe it might make them think twice about being such total flakes in the future. Fucking rude, I'd be livid.

That is shocking and just downright rude. You know what do do next year. No more invites, and stick to those that you know won't you down.

Unfortunately it’s very normal now. I have a friend who started a mums group that is hugely popular in our town, so she hosts events and so many people rsvp yes, and then no one shows up. With no explanation or message. And she’s made activities etc. it’s really strange. I can’t imagine rsvping yes and then just no showing.

so many people are crying out for connection but aren’t willing to put the effort in for that connection.

I think people don't think anything of pulling out of commitments now, where they did in the past. The problem is, everyone thinks it'll just be them and their presence won't be missed amidst all the other people.

People are, and have been encouraged to be, more selfish these days.