AIBU to stop giving lifts to a school mum and daughter

[Rosesandthorns66]

Hi,
First time poster but long time reader.
Just wanted some perspective on an issue that is playing on my mind more than it should. The entitlement of this parent has upset me.
A school mum that had mostly ignored me in the past came up to me asking if I can give her the details of the activity my 10 year old daughter goes to, so that she can send her daughter. Both girls are in the same class.

I gave her the details, she arranged to join the activity, which is twice a week.
Then she asked me if she can get a lift on the days her husband was at work. Being put on the spot I said ok. She would go with me and then I would drop her back home. Even picking the girls she would say I'll go with you.
I am a single parent with 4 children, I have a lot of responsibilities of my own.
I have no ex- husband helping out and both my parents have passed away.
I also realised when this woman's husband was off work and taking his daughter himself, the woman made no offer to take my daughter with them.
I did ask this woman if we can take it in turns to drop the girls off and I'll do drop offs and pick ups, when her husband is at work.
She replied, ofcourse, ofcourse.
Then didn't offer to take my daughter on the next occasion.
Then she messages me saying, her husband has been asked to work for the next 4 weeks and if I can drop her daughter off because I go there anyway.
She said, it would be inconvenient for her to get there on the bus.
Its obvious she has no intention of taking my daughter, when her husband is going to drop off their daughter.
Thankyou all for reading, I feel upset, for being put in this position.
I feel guilty but also I feel I'm being used.
Would you feel guilty for saying no?
Am I in the wrong if I said No, this doesn't work for me.
Votes would be no I'm not being unreasonable to stop giving lifts.
Yes if I'm being mean for not helping out.

Yes, she is a user. No, I would not feel guilty. You owe her nothing.

She's a user.

Oh yes, she is using you.

I’d reply-I don’t mind taking turns and sharing lifts, but me taking your daughter twice a week isn’t convenient for me’

Use the same word she’s used with you back at her.

It’s very sad getting the bus isn’t convenient for her. Maybe she shouldn’t have started the club then.

The brass neck of her. She sounds like a thick skinned bulldozer type so you’re going to have to be extremely firm, clear and give no quarter to her inevitable pleas, threats, emotional blackmail. Say no, repeat it, block her if necessary.

Sorry I can’t.

That’s a complete sentence.
you’re not losing anything as she didn’t talk to you before anyway.

You have 4 kids and you, how is her and her daughter fitting in your car?

I would say 'I would have said yes but that agreement where you said you'd share the lifts never resulted in any sharing so that's a no from me.'

“Sorry i can’t. Hope you find another solution”

A 7 seater car perhaps?

I had someone like this and it really got me down. I knew if I just said no, she would make things uncomfortable at school so I just started sending texts saying things like "Really sorry, won't be able to give a lift on Monday as have errands to run". I then got a bit of push back like "I don't mind coming with" and I would just reply "No, I have a lot to do. See you there". I only had to do it a few times (leaving less notice each time) before it stopped completely.

I had a neighbour do this to me too! Thank God she moved up north! I did it for a bit then realised she wasn’t taking turns or even grateful. I ended up messaging her saying, I can’t offer any more lifts. I ignored her questions of why. Even when she accosted me, I repeated that I couldn’t do it anymore. I ignored her questions of why.

The wonderful thing about having mobile phones (as opposed to my mums time in the 80s!) is that you don’t even have to ring someone or tell them to their face. I agree with everyone above, send a short sharp message saying sorry, no.

I also suggest blocking her number for a couple of weeks so you don’t have to read her replies. I do this often when I’ve sent a message I know someone won’t like.

No

Thankyou for your replies, they are comforting and supportive. I am reading all the replies.
They are greatly appreciated.
Tshirtking... I don't have all of my children in the car when I go to drop off my 10 year old. My 2 boys 14 and 15 are off doing their own hobbies.

This isn't even car share, it's you being a mug.

She’s using you and relying on you being a mug and not saying no.

just say, “this arrangement doesn’t work for me anymore, I’ll just be taking my own daughter from now on” just message her then ignore.

Thankyou for all your replies.
Everyone has replied saying, she's a user.
I will definitely leave a message saying, I can't give anymore lifts. It will be a firm no.

Glad to see what you've decided. I had this from a school mum. She was very entitled and would say things like "you need to give daughter a lift, i can't driiiiive!" She never said thank you or offered any sort of favour in return. Plus her daughter was a brat who ate snacks and dropped rubbish in my car even when I told her not too.

Initially I felt sorry for her and assumed she couldn't afford to learn to drive. But then her teenage son passed his test and they bought him his own car. Plus I realised on lots of the days she asked for lifts her husband was at home but just couldn't be bothered .

I just started saying no, sorry I can't and ignoring the "but why" follow ups. I think she just moved on to some other mug. Our daughters have now left primary and not having to deal with her is one of the nicest things!

You just have to be blunt with some people. A clear ' No that doesn't work for me'. The end. No reasons need to be given.

Its made me realise, how clever this person has acted. She did add in her message, please if you can't take my daughter on both days then at least take her on of the days.

She has conveniently forgotten about how she couldn't offer to take my daughter on the days her husband went to take their own daughter.
I will be very firm in my reply, making it clear I can't do anymore lifts, adding if she wasn't able to take her daughter, why did she join the activity.
I just feel annoyed about her putting me in this position. I feel awkward.
Thankyou everyone for reading and replying.
I just needed to offload.

Sorry, meant to write * then at least take her on one of the days.

Good-just send one text now and be done with it.

I would say, ‘I’ll do you a trade. I’ll do the next 4 weeks, and then you do the 4 weeks after that.’ If that works it could would work out well for you longer term.

I would say that you’re going to charge petrol costs as you’re doing all the running around and it’s not being reciprocated.
If she’s funny about it, just block.

I'd ask her to do the first 4!! Cf lady could get first 4 from op then refuse to do her fair share.

or op could just say no now. Cheeky entitled twats aren't really known to suddenly morph into decent people.