AIBU to stop giving lifts to a school mum and daughter

[Rosesandthorns66]

Hi,
First time poster but long time reader.
Just wanted some perspective on an issue that is playing on my mind more than it should. The entitlement of this parent has upset me.
A school mum that had mostly ignored me in the past came up to me asking if I can give her the details of the activity my 10 year old daughter goes to, so that she can send her daughter. Both girls are in the same class.

I gave her the details, she arranged to join the activity, which is twice a week.
Then she asked me if she can get a lift on the days her husband was at work. Being put on the spot I said ok. She would go with me and then I would drop her back home. Even picking the girls she would say I'll go with you.
I am a single parent with 4 children, I have a lot of responsibilities of my own.
I have no ex- husband helping out and both my parents have passed away.
I also realised when this woman's husband was off work and taking his daughter himself, the woman made no offer to take my daughter with them.
I did ask this woman if we can take it in turns to drop the girls off and I'll do drop offs and pick ups, when her husband is at work.
She replied, ofcourse, ofcourse.
Then didn't offer to take my daughter on the next occasion.
Then she messages me saying, her husband has been asked to work for the next 4 weeks and if I can drop her daughter off because I go there anyway.
She said, it would be inconvenient for her to get there on the bus.
Its obvious she has no intention of taking my daughter, when her husband is going to drop off their daughter.
Thankyou all for reading, I feel upset, for being put in this position.
I feel guilty but also I feel I'm being used.
Would you feel guilty for saying no?
Am I in the wrong if I said No, this doesn't work for me.
Votes would be no I'm not being unreasonable to stop giving lifts.
Yes if I'm being mean for not helping out.

@G5000 Her husband's not available for the next 4 weeks now.
I have a feeling she'll make her own arrangements now, she just wanted to get free lifts from me.
When I refused anymore lifts, she said ok just take us the 1 day a week and I'll make my own arrangements for the other day.
But the reply I've sent her this time has been very firm. I dont think she will ask again.
If she does, I will say how come you didn't offer to take my daughter with and are only interested in receiving lifts.
I have said no and I'm sticking with that.

Well done OP.

OP, you were taken advantage of because you were put on the spot. Many of us have also had someone try to take advantage of us and have learned from it. Don’t feel bad about it.
My lovely MIL would have done anyone a favour but she didn’t like CFs. If anyone asked her on the spot to do something for them then she would always say that she would think about it and get back to them.

Well done OP. You've behaved brilliantly. She's a cheeky fucker who will now look for someone else to leech off.

I wouldnt get into it with her. Just say no its not convenient if she asks and keep repeating. I wouldnt want my kids in a car with a random man they dont know anyway.

@NameChangeAgain48
Yes exactly, I don't feel like getting involved with her.

I thought this was a zombie thread as I’m sure I’ve read the same thing before, which I probably have. There are always people like this. Things are rarely equal but they haven’t even tried.

I knew someone who didn’t drive, friend’s husband offered to pick her and DD up for an activity each week. One week she said she wasn’t well and just DD went with them, then she then clearly thought she didn’t need to go at all. So friends husband was stuck with the 2 children each week, getting them ready and home etc. woman then suggested she shouldn’t be the one to pay as it was friends husband who took them so it was his responsibility. There are always piss takers.

I had a weird mum do something similar to me

People will take advantage of your kindness if they can. Yanbu, tell her to get to fuck x

I would say I’m happy to do an equal week rota but sorry this arrangement doesn’t work for me.

The reason why I didn't push her to reciprocate the giving of lifts, is because I was taking my daughter to the activity anyway. So there was no need for me to be forceful, besides I wouldn't want my daughter to go with parents who who weren't genuinely helpful.
She is the one who needed the lifts, so I mentioned it to her if we can take it in turns.

She made no gesture of offering a lift, so now she can go and find someone else. She obviously thought she was entitled.

We had a similar situation a while ago. In the end I just said no more. If the arrangement is reciprocal it’s fine, but mine wasn’t and we felt very used. The mum has barely spoken to me since.

How pathetic of you. And your name is @KindnessIsKey123 ? Is that an ironic name

@Rosesandthorns66 well done. Shes a cheeky fecker and needs to find her own way around things. Stick to your guns.

Converse4Ever..... I can assure you this is no zombie thread. Your friends situation described is more unbelievable than mine.
Writing this thread has helped me calm down. I don't have much close family, I could share this with.
I was beginning to panic about how to get myself out of this situation. Also I was thinking if I see her on the school run will she give me nasty looks.
However, I'm not going to let this get to me.
I'm not in the wrong, so why should I be feeling like this.

You should actually be really impressed with yourself that you acted as soon as you realised!

I've read MN posts where the OP comes after the 4 weeks and says the CF hasn't reciprocated after the 4 they did and how can they let the CF down gently. And the drip feed is that the CF has never taken the OP's DC despite saying they would take turns.

So you haven't been taken for a fool. You've given her the benefit of the doubt, given her opportunity to reciprocate but in the face of being asked to do 4 weeks on the bounce you've firmly pushed back. Good on you I say!

@DanceMumTaxi
Yes thats what I'm thinking aswell, its going to be awkward as she may become cold.
To be honest, I will have to remain strong as I don't really wish to engage in any conversations with her anymore.

Gosh don't feel bad. You could also add its one of the few times it's just you and your dd, and sure she'd understand how that time is precious.

Is your dd happy to have you to herself?:)

@Growingaseed
I don't think anyone is pathetic or should be called that please.
I think we have to deal with entitled people in the way we think best for our own mental healths sake.
Coming on mumsnet has helped me calm down. Otherwise I was in a pathetic state of anxiety with no one to talk to.

Didn't you see her coming, op

@Beesandhoney123 yes I think its definitely more comfortable with just me and my daughter and she's more happier with just the two of us. :)

Should have just sent her a link for the uber app

dont worry about her feelings op, she certainly doesn’t give a shit about yours.

@canuckup
Unfortunately no I didn't.
Definitely have well and truly learned my lesson.

I wasn't calling you pathetic (nothing wrong with what you have posted). I was talking about @KindnessIsKey123

"I also suggest blocking her number for a couple of weeks so you don’t have to read her replies. I do this often when I’ve sent a message I know someone won’t like."

A grown adult advising others to send a message and quickly block people rather than be able to have a conversation or handle very low level conflict. That is pathetic. Then she goes on to say she does it all the time! It's so childish and the sort of behaviour I would expect from a 12 year old.

Good for you to stand up for yourself. It's important for your daughter to see that you can be kind, but don't let people take advantage. I think sometimes when we're in these uncomfortable situations it can help to think "what lesson am I teaching my child?" She'll be aware that the mum hasn't been fair or friendly to you, and it doesn't sound like the girls are particularly friendly either.

People try it on arguing “you’re going that way anyway”. They don’t think of you, or of returning the favour. They don’t want to put in the effort when you’ll do it for them and some can see it as a way of saving them money.
It’s quite a common trick.
In future, tell them you’re not going directly, or will be going somewhere else afterwards to make it difficult for them. Never feel uncomfortable about their brass neck requests. You won’t be the only person this couple have tapped into. Keep an ear open, you’ll hear all too soon.