AIBU to expect my ex to tell me about overnight trips?

[Bluedeep]

Am I justified or overreacting?
My DS is 4 and starting school in September. My ex is married with a 1 year old DS and has our son Thursday morning until Sunday morning every week. My DS SM is due to end her maternity in a few weeks.

I have just picked him up and he was telling me they went to Drayton Manor for the weekend to meet Thomas and stayed in a Thomas themed room at the hotel. I asked my ex about it and he said they did and had a great time. They left on Thursday morning and stayed in the hotel Thursday and Friday night as a little treat for DS and his sister before his wife goes back to work.
Drayton Manor is about 3 and a half hours drive from where we live.

I was so angry at my ex, telling him he should not be taking my DS away overnight without asking permission first. My ex did not agree and has said as his dad he is free to make plans on his days.

I just don’t agree and think he should be asking me before doing anything like driving so far away. I had a similar reaction a year ago when I found out he had driven to Cadbury World for the day and didn’t tell me.

Am I in the right or am I overreacting?

It's not your business what happens on his time.

Sorry but you have no say in what he does on his time and he doesn't need to tell you. It might be polite if he does however if you try to stop him then he won't be telling you again.

I think it would be good of him to tell you of his plans so you know where they are, but I don’t think he needs to ask permission. I assume you wouldn’t ask his permission for the reverse?

It might be nice to be told beforehand, but your ex doesn't have to and has done nothing wrong. In fact, given the age of his other child, this is a treat really for your DS who is at the perfect age to get the most out of it. So your ex has been really thoughtful.

I have never taken him away as personally I think he’s too young for overnight trips. However, as the main parent I believe I should know what my child is doing.

Why does he need your permission? It’s his child and on his time, you saying no wouldn’t stop him going. He could give you a heads up but you have absolutely zero right to say yes or no anyway, so pointless to ask.

You think a 4 year old is too young for overnight trips with his own parent? You must be joking

Absolutely none of your business. He’s his dad and his time with your mutual child is his own to do as he likes.
Your DC had a fantastic time. Celebrate that. A lot of dads do sod all for their kids. Yours is actually stepping up!

So hes never had a holiday etc?
You dont own your son
Your ex coud have told you but hes not obliged

“I was so angry at my ex, telling him he should not be taking my DS away overnight without asking permission first.”

He isn’t just your son, and his dad doesn’t need your permission to take him for days or nights out within the country.

You're being unreasonable
Ex DH is doing fun things with his son on his time with him. He's not leaving the country with him, he's not engaging in anything dangerous with him and your so is safe and well looked after.
If the opposite situation was posted on here for a mum having to check in with dad to do stuff with her kids, he would be absolutely rinsed.
Unless you have safeguarding concerns, whilst I agree it would be courteous to let you know, there's no need to get 'so angry'.

You are babying your child. Stop it.
Of course he’s old enough for overnight trips. Has he never been in holiday?!

This can’t be real.

Main parent?

You’re equal parents. And it’s brilliant DS is getting fun outings with his dad especially as you don’t take him anywhere. He’s not the odd one here.

You sound ridiculous.

You are both equal parents.

No. Your son’s dad is an equal parent and can do what he wants when he has his so . You don’t outrank him, he doesn’t need permission.

Yes I am the main parent as he stays with me more nights than with his dad. I receive the child benefit and I get CM payments.

We have gone on holiday before yes but I think a single night or 2 in a hotel unsettles a child’s routine at such a young age.

Too young for over night trips with a parent?

Yabvu. Your ex is also an equal parent, whether you like it or not.

You're not the "main parent" though - you're both DCs parents and DC spends a substantial amount of each week with his Dad and you're being really controlling. Dad can do what he wants if it's on his time and he doesn't need your "permission." Any solicitor or family court judge will consider your behaviour controlling and over the top.

You're overreacting.
If you have your son 4 nights and your ex 3 nights then you're barely the main parent.

It's fine for you to think that and it's fine for your ex to think differently. You can't control what happens on their time.

He literally does 1 extra night with you, receiving CM & CB doesn’t give you special power to deny him going out.

If you continue to be this regimented OP he will quickly learn where he has more fun.

Unclench. He has a good dad who is taking him to do lovely things, that is a good thing.

But in the eyes of the law I am. That is why my ex sends child maintenance as I am the main parent.