AIBU to expect my ex to tell me about overnight trips?

[Bluedeep]

Am I justified or overreacting?
My DS is 4 and starting school in September. My ex is married with a 1 year old DS and has our son Thursday morning until Sunday morning every week. My DS SM is due to end her maternity in a few weeks.

I have just picked him up and he was telling me they went to Drayton Manor for the weekend to meet Thomas and stayed in a Thomas themed room at the hotel. I asked my ex about it and he said they did and had a great time. They left on Thursday morning and stayed in the hotel Thursday and Friday night as a little treat for DS and his sister before his wife goes back to work.
Drayton Manor is about 3 and a half hours drive from where we live.

I was so angry at my ex, telling him he should not be taking my DS away overnight without asking permission first. My ex did not agree and has said as his dad he is free to make plans on his days.

I just don’t agree and think he should be asking me before doing anything like driving so far away. I had a similar reaction a year ago when I found out he had driven to Cadbury World for the day and didn’t tell me.

Am I in the right or am I overreacting?

I think it’s good that his dad is giving him the opportunity to experience trips away!

I have read some bizzare things on here but the idea a 4 year old is too young to go away with a parent is up there with the best.

No such thing as a main parent.

Your ex sounds like a good dad and you are making yourself sound like a lunatic.

op I presume given the absolute consensus here that you will take on board you were wrong, apologies to your sons dad, and let him get on with giving his son more of what sounded like a really fun thing to do?

The law doesn't say you can dictate anything to your ex.

Whilst it would be nice for him to let you know as a courtesy, he absolutely does not need to ask your permission to take the child anywhere within the UK during the time the child spends with him and he legally doesn't have to let you know. Yabvu.

I probably am overreacting. It just scares me to think if something happened and my little boy is so far away.

You are both parents and you need to work together for many years to come. Don’t make things hard by being petty over him giving your son experiences

Do you tell your Ex your plans? You seem very controlling, be grateful his dad wants to do things with him.

Why would 4 be too young for overnight trips? You didn’t say you just want to know what he’s doing though (which I agreed it would be good for you to know where he is) but you think he needs to ask permission, which he doesn’t.

You don't get CM for being the 'main parent'
You get CM for having your son 4/7 compared to your Ex's 3/7/
Your need for control here is gobsmacking

Sorry, you lost me at a 4 year old being too young for overnight trips. My kids had been on lots by that age, including abroad. The fact that he went and had a good time means that he is not to young! You sound very controlling.

There is no such thing as main parent law in the UK.

Do you not want your son to have lovely experiences and memories, or do you just not like that its with his Dad, Stepmum and sibling?
He could have let you know but he does not need your permission.

You sound unhinged OP, he can decide what to do on his time with DS as much as you can. If anything before school constraints is the perfect time for trips like this, it sounds like he had a great time.

As an aside, I’d be seriously reconsidering that childcare split, once your DS is in school
you'll have no quality time with him at all.

You have your child 4 nights and your ex has him 3 so not much difference
You may have diffrent ideas about how to parrnt your son
But you dont get to tell your ex what to do on his time.

I think most people would just be happy their child had a nice time and is integrated in with his dad's second family. He doesn't need your permission to take the DC away in the UK on his time.

This
I don’t see what the issue is here at all it sounds a lovely thing to do.
lots of dads once they separate - especially if they go on to have more kids - can check out and not bother but this is a lovely weekend giving your son a lovely time.
Your ex just wanted to treat him.

When step mum's talk in forums like this about the ex causing trouble for the dad, and a lot of people don't believe them.... I'm sorry but you are sounding just like the lunatic 'ex' in this situation.
My partner has one. Absolutely deluded.

You sound bitter that your son had a lovely short break with his dad. You’re not entitled to know what plans he’s made for HIS time with his own son.

Unhinged is a bit harsh. The concern comes from a good place, it’s just that the op needs to realise the dad has as much say as she does.

YABU. He did a lovely trip with his ds. Yes it might have been nice if you'd been told but certainly you have no say in if they go or not. You sound like you have some issues to resolve around hyper vigilance with your ds. Accept what everyone is telling you.

Main parent - you have very similar amount of time. You both are parents here.

Why would your 4yo be too young for overnight trips with their parent? Noone is too young for that, just some parents want to (and have means to) do it, and some are more comfortable around home.

He doesn't have the duty to ask your permission, unless he wants to go abroad.
Getting nuclear won't make him.
You can try to calm down and politely ask whether he would be able to let you know (even by a sms when leaving), but unless you see active specific danger (your child being alergic to chocolate going for a weekend into a Chocolate world), the only answer you can use (if you want to be informed the next time) is "thanks for letting me know"

That is not what the law says at all. Your ex pays maintenance because your DC is resident with you more nights than your ex.

You require his permission to take your DC out of the country same as he does. Neither of you require permission to go for a trip in the UK on your time with your DC.

You are massively overreacting.

what on earth were you kicking off about a day trip to Cadbury World for? Your ex doesn’t need to detail his movements to you anymore than you do to him.

I think you are in the wrong and massively over reacting. He likely didn’t tell you as you over reacted when he told you about a trip to Cadbury World. Perhaps discuss with your lawyer what the legal position is you are clear what is allowed and what is not.