AIBU to expect my ex to tell me about overnight trips?

[Bluedeep]

Am I justified or overreacting?
My DS is 4 and starting school in September. My ex is married with a 1 year old DS and has our son Thursday morning until Sunday morning every week. My DS SM is due to end her maternity in a few weeks.

I have just picked him up and he was telling me they went to Drayton Manor for the weekend to meet Thomas and stayed in a Thomas themed room at the hotel. I asked my ex about it and he said they did and had a great time. They left on Thursday morning and stayed in the hotel Thursday and Friday night as a little treat for DS and his sister before his wife goes back to work.
Drayton Manor is about 3 and a half hours drive from where we live.

I was so angry at my ex, telling him he should not be taking my DS away overnight without asking permission first. My ex did not agree and has said as his dad he is free to make plans on his days.

I just don’t agree and think he should be asking me before doing anything like driving so far away. I had a similar reaction a year ago when I found out he had driven to Cadbury World for the day and didn’t tell me.

Am I in the right or am I overreacting?

I don't think what a child gets up to with one parent for a significant proportion of the week is nothing to do with the other parent. For example, if the child had swimming lessons every week on Dad's time this would be useful for the Mum to know, so she didn't also put him in swimming lessons during her time. They are parenting the same child.

Are you sure you understand the meaning of irresponsible?

It really doesnt stretch to a parent taking their own child on a trip during their allocated custody time.

Very different to a family weekend break though?

You sound unhinged lol

You’re angry at your ex and trying to make it into a parenting issue. It’s his time, none of your business.

That is just an excuse to get at him OP.
Loads of kids go on holiday and stay in hotels when they are babies or toddlers.
You just feel left out and lacking control.

I think this is a sensible response.

the abuse on this thread is awful. No wonder she’s not coming back.

If she hadn't throw such a hissy fit over a trip to bloody Cadbury world the ex might've been more likely to mention it perhaps

Proving my point 😂

That's not abusive. It's merely what she said herself

This. But I’m guessing the OP won’t be back to argue the toss now…

your being so unreasonable and your a complete control freak. Please you need to let go. Maybe just say Id love to be give a heads up when your going way just so I know. He may or may not comply. He isn't required to.

So your lazy selfish and also a complete control freak. Time to go get a job and also start to go to therapy.

I disagree. She has controlling behaviour. She needs to grow up and get her own life while her son is with his dad. He has every right to take their son on days out amd holidays without her permission (unless overseas trip). If OP doesn't come back it's because she can't handle the truth that everyone is telling her.

She's not coming back because 97% think she's being unreasonable. Which, of course, she is.

Thanks. I know I’m surprised at some
of the responses too and why it needed to get so nasty.

Unfortunately @Bluedeep got her ass handed to her. Hopefully, she'll think about things going forward and this finally got through to her.

OP i kinda agree with you. Its good courtesy to let the other parent know your plans if you take them away. Ive always done it

Let them know.... is very different to PERMISSION

Who is being nasty? Just because you disagree with the majority agree she is BU it doesn't make people nasty. The OP is BU to expect to be consulted on what her ex does with their son in his time. It's not like he is being negative. Without knowing more it seems he is being a good dad. What's nasty about that?

I was referring to posts attacking her personally for example calling her unhinged, controlling, ungrateful, saying she needs therapy etc. In my book those are nasty comments and we know very little about her life to throw those out but maybe you don’t agree. It’s fine to disagree and answer her question without resorting to this, as others have managed to.

also I never said I disagreed with majority. I said i understood her feelings for wanting to know where her son was for overnight trips but that it’s more of a courtesy for her ex to tell her so she should apologise and speak to him about communicating in the future and that it should work both ways.

Telling someone they are controlling when they are clearly being controlling isn't nasty... its called the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts but it isn't nasty.

and calling her unhinged, lazy, selfish and saying she needs therapy. Are those also fine?

He doesn't need your permission but is good practice to tell you.

DB has his DC shared with ex and it's so hypocritical. She is micro managing of his time with them and will go batshit at the slightest thing. Meanwhile she takes DC away without telling him and changes his days of looking after at the drop of a hat.

It's taken years for DC to be 'allowed' to stay overnight and now oh can you have them another night at short notice.

DB is a brilliant Dad, loves his DC so much, but has to overthink every situation. Ex is known for being over reactive/unhinged at times and insists the money he pays is via another person to as not to affect her UC, which it wouldn't anyway.

Yes, he should have taken her to court years ago and was going to but didn't so has to play along with her control freak double standards.

Lazy.... somewhat
Unhinged... if the cap fits (I personally didn't see that one, but I completely understand why someone might say it)
Selfish... absolutely 💯
Therapy... honestly it's actually good idea

Nothing nasty