To be sick of my hobbies being judged differently just because I’m fat?

[hobbiesevademe]

Basically just the question in my title.

I run, but slowly. Of course the fact I’m slow in some moral failing and I must aim to lose as much weight as possible and get faster. But if a skinny person is a slow runner, it’s something that’s praised and respected.

I bake, really bloody good cakes. And it’s obviously because I like eating cake, right 🙄 but if someone skinny bakes an impressive cake, it’s a work of art.

I sew, and it’s grandma-ish and frumpy. But if a skinny person sews their own clothes it’s cool, sustainable and “cottage core”

I like sports and it must be to get guys, but when a skinny girl likes the same sports it’s cool and she’s accepted.

i read, and it’s “lonely” and a bit pathetic.

im a bit sick of being labelled negatively for everything I bloody do. I feel like I can’t win.

Ignore tbe idiots. As long as you're happy with what you're doing. Fuck em!

Why do you care what other people think about your hobbies? I don't care what other people think about my hobbies! They are mine - I do what I like with my spare time.

Yes, people can be cruel to anyone they perceive as not conventionally attractive (might be weight, might even be race).

Call them out every time. A PP gave great examples of questions you can ask “Why do you think that?” Or ask “Why do you think that is okay to say to me?”

More disappointing than the people who do this is all the people who will swear blind it does not happen despite several studies on Pretty Privilege. It is like they live their lives with eyes wide shut and little curiosity or empathy to understand others.

Skinnies are always trying to be offended on these type of threads, simply because their behaviour towards plus size people is not acceptable and they can't stand being called out for it.

I wish the OP the best against in a society run by these people. They always have to try and bring you down.

People say all sorts of nonsense whether you’re fat or slim.

i was very slim as a teen/young adult and got quite a lot of stick (if you pardon the pun), for it so hater’s gonna hate Im afraid (and you just need to ignore it).

I wish I could run (I’m a slow and have arthritic knee) and I def admire that in you!
plus I’ve tried crochet, just can’t do it. Even went to a sewing circle to learn - there were slim and larger ladies there - size was no issue. Loads of people I know do crochet - I’m in awe of some of their creations

So, one person made a stupid comment and now you think the entire world is judging your hobby.

Come on now. If I had stopped dong things every time I ever heard a snarky comment from some random arsehole I'd never have achieved half the things in my life that I have.

By this rationale, none of us would ever leave the house because no matter what we do, someone, somewhere is going to judge. Surely you realise you cannot live your life like this?

Try to see the bright side of things. You seem to be a glass half empty person by your own negative attitude.

You read too much into why and what others say. Do your running and bake your cakes for the joy of both, not to get reactions from others.

Decide to spend more time with people who are positive. You might like to join a charity that bakes for the homeless. You might enjoy becoming a Scout Leader. You have many skills to share.

Running forums are bound to be full of competitive arseholes. Apart from comparing your times to their own, no one is interested in your running. If you are a very slow runner you won't even serve as an ego boost for them as they won't see you as someone whose times are worth competing with.

The joy of running is that it can be a completely solo sport that makes you very fit. No one else needs to know about your times or progress.

Are you sure you're not reading into something here ? I sew, only get nice comments. What are you saying to these comments?

I used to play mixed Tag Rugby which was very much gay women and straight men. My current Touch group is overwhelmingly straight women.

There's a place for everyone in rugby 😊

The joy of running is that it can be a completely solo sport that makes you very fit. No one else needs to know about your times or progress.

I agree with this. I run. I have never been remotely interested in joining a running club because I dont care about times or what other people do, I run for me and its brought me huge benefits and got me really fit. Noone needs to run with others, or have others weird competitive approval to run. Thats actually the one wonderful thing about running!

You need to stop caring so much what other people think. Especially toxic work colleagues.. none of their business what you do in your spare time. I mean if you didn’t work with these people would they be your friends ? You do you. Don’t over share and stop placing so much importance on their opinions.

I understand what you mean! Thankfully, I only feel judged by a few people and it is definitely their problem, not mine, but it still makes me feel so so so small and unworthy.

having been a size 22, I have had to listen to some seemingly innocuous but rather ridiculous and hurtful comments that are no longer said now that I am a size 16. It is a sad fact of life that people do respond to you differently, if you are larger.

Your hobbies sound lovely. Enjoy them. Do what you enjoy doing. Try not to invite the opinions of others.

And… get yourself some new friends who will appreciate you for who you are.

Your hobbies sound great. I wish I was that motivated at any weight tbh. I hope you can learn to just enjoy them and let others think what they think - there’s not a lot you can do about that.

If you’re saying that larger people are judged more harshly than slim people, there’s a lot of research that backs that up.

I dint care about the opinions of people who are inconsequential. Fuck them and their negativity. Do what you want because you enjoy it. Someone has always got some arsehole comment.

But I can imagine some people in a running club saying you’d be faster if you lost weight, as usually that is true. But they’d say that to someone who was quite slim as well.

when I was a member (and I’m not overweight), I found the old stalwarts in the club (men) didn’t like anyone who couldn’t run fast , or couldn’t understand them getting encouragement and that’s whether they were fat or thin . But that’s not to say it’s not a lot worse if you are fat. As an aside I find anyone who says get a life is usually quite thick.

I was fat for a few years you are definitely treated differently

and this is what you are judged on all the time, people do pick up on these judgments people are not stupid

so no I don’t think you are being paranoid op, maybe not everyone is thinking it but it’s always there and I am sorry that it is this way

I will admit I have caught myself having negative thoughts because someone is very overweight I think many people will justify such judgements but it’s wrong full stop

It’s also illogical , you have a life otherwise you’d be dead and not having the conversation. That’s the avenue I’d be exploring with them!

but yes they are saying it as a joke , the crux of it being are you not out and about as that sounds boring to them. Do you have a relationship where you all take the Mickey? Do the ones who are not fat not make jokes at each others expense? Be honest, perhaps listen to the conversation, if no one says anything or comments on anything then yes you may have a point but otherwise you are putting two and two together and coming up with a million.

How do you know other people who do these things are praised though? Especially for niche things like sewing or for reading, where are you hearing people say different things to slim people who read or sew?

What has what men prefer got to do with anything? Is that what women are striving for, to be so women prefer? What a very odd comment.

Have never heard any of those things said or implied in similar situations to the examples given in the OP.
Where are you finding these people who comment and compare everything you do to that of someone with a different body shape?!

My book club is full of obese women. No one sneers at them for trying to read.
So is my walking group. Nobody cares. Most people in the UK are overweight anyway.

As ever on MN, you need better friends and to get off social media.

I was fat for a few years you are definitely treated differently
and this is what you are judged on all the time, people do pick up on these judgments people are not stupid

I've been slim my entire life and I've had plenty of nasty/rude/snarky/sarcastic/offensive comments over the years. About all sorts of topics - snark about being female, snark about my intelligence, snark about my appearance, snark about my driving ability, snark about my skin colour, snark about my height (I'm tall), snark about the fact I dont drink alcohol etc Loads of people told me I could never start my own business and that it was a dumb idea which was bound to fail and yet I did and its now very successful.

If I took all of those comments to heart as a universal truth about me I'd be a hermit and never leave the house ever again. But I dont, because I know they arent true. They're just the rude ramblings of idiots.

It's not a common thing but everyone gets them from time to time because the sad truth is- people can be arseholes. If you live your life based on what other people say you will be perpetually miserable and just because you are slim doesnt mean you get constant approval and praise.

I think you’re amazing. Fitness. Baking. Sewing.

and I bet there are so many more who agree with me than don’t.

I wish I could sew and bake.

You have to get thicker skin. Doing what you love is fantastic. All power to you.

12 stone 10 is fat, of course it is. At my height that is right on the border of being obese and Im not short by any means.