To be sick of my hobbies being judged differently just because I’m fat?

[hobbiesevademe]

Basically just the question in my title.

I run, but slowly. Of course the fact I’m slow in some moral failing and I must aim to lose as much weight as possible and get faster. But if a skinny person is a slow runner, it’s something that’s praised and respected.

I bake, really bloody good cakes. And it’s obviously because I like eating cake, right 🙄 but if someone skinny bakes an impressive cake, it’s a work of art.

I sew, and it’s grandma-ish and frumpy. But if a skinny person sews their own clothes it’s cool, sustainable and “cottage core”

I like sports and it must be to get guys, but when a skinny girl likes the same sports it’s cool and she’s accepted.

i read, and it’s “lonely” and a bit pathetic.

im a bit sick of being labelled negatively for everything I bloody do. I feel like I can’t win.

I feel you surround yourself with the wrong type of people. None of this sounds weird to me.

you like to run slowly 🤷🏼‍♀️
you like to bake 🤷🏼‍♀️
you like to sew 🤷🏼‍♀️

there all very normal hobbies for people of all shapes, sizes and ages.

I loved knitting when I was in my late teens.. before crotchet became a popular niche amongst young people.. i can’t lie, I did feel like a little old lady but I enjoyed it and I never had any negative comments beside my own insecurity.

carry on doing what you enjoy. Stop letting others give you unwarranted opinions.

Sounds like a mix of you knowing some very rude people, being a bit oversensitive, and also your delivery.

tbh if someone told me they'd be spending the weekend sewing, I'd think that was a bit boring (although I wouldn't be rude enough to say it). It's not the sewing itself, but usually the response to that question is the main or most interesting thing that person will be doing that weekend - I'd think the same if someone said they'd be watching tv all weekend, or cleaning, or doing a puzzle, or going to the gym - they are all things you do for an hour or two, at a time, not spend the whole weekend doing.

I can happily spend a few hours at a time chilling in the sun with a beer and a good book, but I'd a) probably try and at least do something else over the weekend, and b) expand on that rather than just say 'read.'

I honestly don't see the link between people's reactions to your hobbies and your weight. Going from 'she likes X sport' to 'only as a way to meet guys' is bizarre to me.

Maybe its my age group that feel its boring (early 30s) 🤔, i enjoy sewing/crochet/knitting even when i was younger i use to sew little dresses for my dolls and knit scarfs and puppets, crocheting is a newer hobby for me only last 5 years or so.

And why do you think these people would think differently if a skinny person were sewing at the weekend?

Yes I wonder this too. Because the fact is that someone who thinks someone who sews (I do too, and knit and crochet and bake and game and build lego) "needs to get a life" will think that regardless of the size of the person they are talking to. You could be a size 6 and that person would still be sneery about your hobbies.

The fact that you immediately attached it to your size says that this is more about how you see yourself than how other people see you.

Fantastic that you're running, anyone of any size or age who runs any distance at any speed is admirable.
But some hobbies are so specific and interesting only to fellow hobbyists. If someone starts telling me they spent the weekend sewing (or baking or cycling or woodworking) it's an absolute conversation-terminator. I just do not care and I cannot show much interest. Just like I don't expect anyone to enjoy me telling them about how I spent the weekend playing guitar.
Hobbies aren't something you do for validation and admiration, they're just for you. Absolutely nobody is judging you for sewing because you're fat, they're not judging you at all, they're just not interested in sewing. Just enjoy your interests and stop letting other people make you feel inferior.

Can I recommend Every Body Outdoors for women who are a size 16/18+

As Ted Lasso said
Be curious not judgemental

very uplifting science Google it @hobbiesevademe if you haven’t see it
(Ted plays darts with Richard Ted Lasso)
should do it to fine the YouTube clip

best advice, do what you prefer @hobbiesevademe

All great hobbies. Try and crack on. I'm surprised you've had such negativity in all of them OP - if it's the same people each time, they really are not nice. You definitely need to find a wider circle.

YANB entirely U though; I'm not surprised at some of the comments you've had regarding a couple of your hobbies.

I need to lose some weight after injury. Mention a whiff of a new form of exercise to the wrong person my mum and they will light up with unflattering hope. Don't think they always even know they're doing it, but there's a subtle yet definite coo-at-the-toddler-going-on-the-potty-for-the-first-time energy that you just know it based on your body. It's palpable.

I also quite like baking and used to bake and take the results in to my last job. Often pretty big cakes as a) the joy for me is in the baking, b) I like cooking for others and c) this way I wasn't eating them beyond maybe 1 slice of cake, 1 cookie etc. Commented to someone (who was a ooo friend as well as a colleague) during a general conversation about body image that I was trying to be more mindful with food. The greedy and large bastard confidently said perhaps baking less would help. Despite seeing whole, untouched cakes come in to work and having his own snout so well in the trough he had to re do a fitness test. I simply doubt he'd have felt confident to comment at all on my baking I had been skinnier.

It sounds like you are working with / in contact with some people who totally suck.

It is certainly true that people who are widely considered 'hot' (and let's be honest, thinner people are more likely to be put in that category, but it's not by any means enough to guarantee it on its own) get treated better. People are just generally nicer to you when they think you look good. It comes with a bit of power.

However:

• people seen as 'hot' also get some nasty creepy shit too so it isn't all rosey. How much of the positive feedback you see / hear other people getting is really about others trying to suck up to them / slobber over them for sexually motivated purposes or, in the case of heterosexual women, out of a desire to suck up to someone they want to emulate or associate with in the hope of getting some second hand stardust?
• anyone in a running community who is remotely worth listening to or associating with would NOT mock / criticise any other runner or tell them to 'get a move on' in the context of a forum. Only arseholes do this. Unless you are hoping to make some sort of high-powered competitive running team, no one should give you this sort of feedback, whatever your weight.
• anyone who tells you to 'get a life' or generally belittles or dismisses your hobbies is just not someone worth associating with any more than you have to. It sounds like an incredibly rude and immature response.

I'm sorry you have to face this hurtful shit but I really hope you can distance yourself from these people where you can. Such utter rubbish. Presumably you do these things because you enjoy them or care about them, not because you want popularity. Anyone who deserves your time and attention would not speak to you in this ridiculous way.

Is someone actually saying any of this to you OP or is it in your head? Sounds like you’re doing awesomely to me. Switch the negative soundtrack off. Xx

Have you actually heard these people that say these things to you praise skinny people for doing the same, or are they just negative Nelly's in general?

As a fat person people are always impressed with my sewing and knitting.
And they always encourage my exercise.
They are happy to hear about any hobby!

How do they know you're fat on the running forum? And maybe your colleagues would tell a skinny person that they think sewing is frumpy, and the sewer needs to get a life. It sounds like you may be projecting your own insecurities onto others' statements, based on the little you've said.

Although there will always be some people who have something negative to say. I'm skinny, and have had a few comments made in regards to my baking - 'Oh, you need to eat more of your baking!' or 'It can't be that good if you're still so thin!' etc. But those sorts of people will always find something to pick at, and are best just ignored.

Do you really think this would have played out any differently if you were slim?

I think you've convinced yourself that examples like this are only caused because of your weight. This is nothing to do with your weight. Maybe this person is just a bitch. Maybe they thought it was a joke. Most likely they are just 1 of many extremely judgemental people who thinks their way to do life is the only correct way. People like this don't understand hobbies they can't relate to and don't get why you wouldn't rather be doing the things they and all they associate with, enjoy.

I've seen it on mumsnet a couple of times where posters are worrying about their late teen children who don't like to be going on nights out, acting concerned that they are missing out on the life they had at that age.

I'm slim. Always have been. Just 2 examples like yours I have had since I no longer like nights out (and before the nights out ended):

• Took a day off work as Gino de campo was coming to my town. Was called 'sad'. Lot of laughs made about it, as he was very minor celeb at the time.
• Asked what plans are for the weekend. Sunny weekend was forecast. I said I'm going to spend the weekend gardening as 1st sunny day we had in months. They said I need to get out more. My response was but I will be outside the whole time.

I know what I like doing most of the time is not the same as the majority. I'm OK with that and own it. We can't all be the same.

You got a wide and varied set of hobbies that make you more interesting than most. Own it. Know it is different and be proud of that. Let them judge. Banter back if you can. If they say "you need to get a life", say "oh do tell me, what are your superior plans this weekend?" If it something you think is shit, say no wouldn't be for me, can't think of anything worse. If they say something you do sometimes. Then just develop the conversation to "I do that some weekends, I last done it .... and ask them more on what their plans are. Any negativity will soon be washed over.

You can't change the world and the thoughtless people in it, but you can change your response

But I think that person would have said that to you even if you were slim?

If a slim person said they were going to spend their weekend knitting or sewing, they absolutely would have gotten the same response.

I adore crafting and other cottagecore-adjacent activities - baking, sewing, needle felting etc - and to me, that sounds like a blissful weekend.

But there are others that would view those kinds of activities as something to fill the time and secondary to going out and meeting friends. Hence the half-jokey “get a life” comment because to them, it will seem like you’re wasting a weekend.

Personally, a weekend spent littering around the home doing crafts is absolute peak enjoyment.

Others won’t view it that way. I give no shits about that.

You need to find your tribe OP. While it’s certainly true that chubbier women get judged more in certain ways, I don’t think that’s what’s going on here. How old are you OP, if you don’t mind me asking?

I have had different hobbies at different sizes not once have I ever thought anyone has judged me because of my size

I would say people have enough going on in theit own lives to be that into judging others, yet I know people who seem to constantly feel judged

call them out ‘and you need to get some manners - or are you always this rude?’ Not easy at all, but generally we’re trained to be the ‘good girl’ which includes staying quiet. Unbelievably rude.

How do you know that these comments are linked to you being overweight?

Have you heard those same colleagues speak differently to skinny colleagues who like sewing? Because it sounds like your colleagues are just arseholes, nothing to do with your weight.

So does my niece, but she’s gay and so are probably at least half of her team.

So that would be a fail to meet guys. 😂

There is something wrong with your colleagues! I’d be like wow that’s so great what do you sew? I run, I bake, I read, and I’m an aspirational sewer and I’d think that all sounds awesome.

Oh, my heart bleeds.

@hobbiesevademe I think you are overtaking this massively. I don't think your college said “you need to get a life” because you are fat. It's more because they find it boring and wanted to make a joke.
You need to stop thinking about yourself as fat. And stop thinking that everyone else also thinks that you are fat. Truth is, nobody really cares. 99.9999% of this is in your head.