AIBU to buy the house I love despite my parents' concerns?

[Orangebananas]

I’m an only child of older parents, they live abroad, I live in the south of England. Not sure if it matters but I opted not to have kids and currently single! They come and stay with me maybe 3 times a year, 2 weeks on the trot before we all start hating each other.

Last year I decided I would move and finally found a house I can afford. I was really excited, it’s got buckets of character, is in the perfect location for me. It’ll need a bit of work long term but nothing I’m worried about / unprepared for.
Anyway, I went ahead and got my lawyer on it. Until my parents came to stay with me.
I set up a viewing so they could see it, my hope was that they would love it too. Instead they were horrified, my mother had not a single positive thing to say, my father literally no opinion as usual. The entire time they stayed with me I heard all their gripes, the main being the stairs were too old and narrow and that there was no downstairs loo. Now my dad is banging on about how I should compromise and buy somewhere that basically they like and inconveniences me by being out of the area I love and is practical to me.
Im trying to find solutions to the above like putting a loo in, but does this make me a dickhead if I buy it?

If they can’t handle stairs it seems unlikely they will get on a plane to stay with me anyway.
It’s driving me mad, I just want to buy the place that I love and be happy there. I can’t deal with all this nonsense and guilt. I work really hard and I don’t want to mortgage too high to get a place that has loads more space that I’ll pay to heat but never use.

Or am I being a shitty selfish only child not thinking about what they want?

@DilemmaDelilah i didn’t call you manipulative, I said that the belief these parents have that they should have a veto on her home, and the way they’re pressuring their dd is manipulative. Like you, they could meet their dd out of her home if its location or arrangement didn’t suit them. Unlike you, they’ve chosen to live abroad so they don’t have a drop-in relationship with the OP, and seem to see her home as their holiday house, over which they should get a say. I think that’s outrageous.

"Or am I being a shitty selfish only child not thinking about what they want?"

Far from it. In fact the reverse is true, and they are being completely selfish in only considering their own wants and not yours. You're an adult and they appear to have forgotten that you are no longer someone who has to do as they are told.

Have they always been controlling?

When the time comes you will be grateful for a downstairs loo and also you not being able to navigate steep stairs yourself. Think longterm for your own needs. You may well regret steep stairs and no downstairs loo when you’re older!

You like it you buy it. You will figure something out for the few times your parents visit. Premier Inn etc.

The house sounds perfect for you. Go for it xx.

You are an adult. Why do they get a say in where you live and how you spend your money?

they visit you 2 weeks per year. Focus on the other 50 and build a life that is a fit for you.

Buy your house and be happy there.....

This!

Please don't forgo what you love to pander to other people's selfish desires, let them sleep on a put you up downstairs,or stay at a hotel they like. You only get one live, live it for yourself,just like they do

If my son was to buy a house it would be because it fulfilled his requirements, I certainly wouldn't expect it to fulfill mine. As an adult you can spend your cash on whatever you wish.

They are mixing up your home with their own criteria for a holiday home! Ignore them. The house must suit the primary purpose and owner, not occasional guests.

Buy the house you love. If your parents can't manage the stairs they can always stay elsewhere when they visit.
Don't let them bully you into buying somewhere unsuitable for you. It's your life not theirs

Nailed it.

aOP is your life, if you love it go for it. You can’t live in a place you don’t like only to appease them twice a year . Ignore and follow your instincts. Don’t give in to what they want

And particularly parents. How odd.

Nonsense. I am 70 and I live in a house with stairs and no downstairs toilet. It's not a problem Physios even suggest that older people should stay in houses with stairs as long as possible. Because it's good for the body.
My DD lives in a house with old narrow stairs and no downstairs toilet.We manage when we visit. And if we couldn't we would stay somewhere else. I would never expect or want my children to consider me when choosing their home.

To hell with them. Buy it and love it.

They could pay for a stair lift if they're that concerned.

If the house is right for you then go for it!

My FIL told us specifically not to buy our house as it needed far too much work, and my MIL hated it was on a busy Road and in an area that she thought was too snobish, potentially racist, because it’s a Tory area!

14 years on, we have seen the house down to bare brick in each room, applied for planning permission, extended it (luckily we completed a huge extension just before Covid lockdown) and we adapted it to meet the needs of our now family!

We absolutely love where we live, we have a vibrant independent high street a 2 minute walk away with cafes, restaurants and bars!

The commute to work is well under an hours, and we have one of the largest parks less than a 10 minute walk away!

The area is diverse and friendly…

We have never regretted our decision, and our mortgage is less than half the price of renting a smaller house in our area now!

My advice is that you know where you want to be…. and if you compromise to suit other people’s needs, then you are doing yourself a disservice!

When we bought our house, there came a time when we had to say to our in-laws that it was our money and our choice, and we were adults who knew what they were doing!

For the sake of six weeks a year, which could be far cheaper in the long term to cover by air B&B rental compared to daily inconvenience and far higher costs to you….
I wholeheartedly say go for your dream home!

Your parents have decided not to live in the UK. Though it's very kind of you, you have no responsibility to host them when they come to visit. Other contributors have mentioned them staying at a local Airbnb/hotel and that's acceptable if they don't want to stay in your house.
You will be living there all the time and must be somewhere that is right for you. I have 3 grown up children and other than them asking us for practical advice, I would not want to influence their decision unless we had a very serious concern.

when they come they can stay in a hotel or air b n b
more important that you like where you live

God, this has reminded me of the look of horror on my parents faces when I showed them the house me and my partner were buying, back in the day (a lovely terraced house in what I consider to be a lovely part of London - they clearly didn't agree). Apart from anything else, they couldn't understand how anyone would chose to buy somewhere without a garage. Anyhoo, didn't pay any attention to them (much as I love them), bought the place and had many happy times there. I even think my mum shifted her view (slightly). What really matters is how you feel about the place, and you clearly love your new home-to-be. Good luck.

They've had their go. Now it's your turn. Do your thing.

Please just do it!
About 15 years ago I drove my parents past a house I wanted to buy; later that evening when they’d driven home my dad was on the phone in tears telling me not to buy that house. I was 51 years old.
In the end I didn’t buy it as the vendor was immovable on price and I was a cash buyer and didn’t want to take out a mortgage.
Five years ago, when one of my daughters was wanting to buy a flat, it was just the sane.. “don’t let her buy …..”. My daughter was nearly 30 and had a huge cash deposit.

If your house doesn't work for your parents, they could stay in a hotel. It's your home and your future, not theirs.

I’m in my late 60s.I can walk up a flight of stairs. There are also things called stair lifts.
I would wangle a downstairs loo in somehow though, if you possibly can.