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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think a junior probationer’s month abroad request is unreasonable?

499 replies

estrogone · 16/05/2026 12:43

We have a junior in our office who’s only been with us about three months and is still on probation, where the expectation is mostly office-based work. They briefly mentioned in passing at one point that they might travel overseas, but there was never any proper discussion or approval before the trip was booked.

They’ve now come back and advised the trip is already booked and confirmed for nearly a month overseas, in a time zone 10 hours away. They proposed a range of adjusted working arrangements, including shortened hours and overnight work, so they can continue working remotely while away.

I haven’t approved the shortened hours or alternative arrangements and have asked them to demonstrate how they realistically intend to maintain service levels and cope with working nights while effectively on holiday overseas.

I am a lot WTAF Confused to four weeks of leave for someone who has only been with the business a matter of months and is still in probation.

AIBU to think this is request is out of order?

OP posts:
SharpTooth · 18/05/2026 14:56

TwinklySquid · 17/05/2026 16:57

I think a lot of people are being very harsh.
The employee didn’t say they were going away for a months holiday. They are going to see family and offered to work nights to suit the business.

People are entitled to a life outside of their work. Now days, companies aren’t willing to invest in good people anymore, as demonstrated by the fact OP would rather sack them and start again. Employees don’t feel loyal anymore because they are seen as disposable .

Let’s be honest: if the company was failing you’d leave it to the last minute to tell people so you could keep making money . Bugger people needing the chance to find new jobs to pay the bills.

Did they make a silly mistake? Yes. But they are young. A better lesson would be to make it unpaid and tell them how this isn’t acceptable in the future.

Do you actually think this person would work 8 hours a night 5 nights a week and sleep most of the day whether it’s a holiday or seeing family? You think they’re going to fly all that way for a month but only really see the family/friends for 8 full days (weekends) and the odd meal during the week?

TwinklySquid · 18/05/2026 14:59

estrogone · 18/05/2026 14:12

Lol. This is mostly definitely a holiday. I have deliberately not mentioned how good we are to our staff (certified B Corp) so as to keep the responses neutral.

This person took the piss. I have 14 others to look out for - so whilst I am all for flexibility and work life balance there is an obvious bigger picture. I have the well-being of 15 families to consider. I take that responsibility bloody seriously.

If a junior employee going away for a month would threaten the livelihood of 14 other people, then you really need to look at your business practices. It would also mean that they weren’t quite as disposable as you made out.

I’m not sure why people like you ask for opinions on this board when you clearly have made your mind up.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/05/2026 15:03

Obviously their request is ridiculous.

I would tell them they can take it as a mix of annual and unpaid leave on this occasion, but that in future all leave must be requested in advance before booking.

Or you can just say no, they can’t go whilst during their probation, and can’t take annnula or unpaid leave at all (including this time) there’s prior approval.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/05/2026 15:04

SharpTooth · 18/05/2026 14:56

Do you actually think this person would work 8 hours a night 5 nights a week and sleep most of the day whether it’s a holiday or seeing family? You think they’re going to fly all that way for a month but only really see the family/friends for 8 full days (weekends) and the odd meal during the week?

Exactly, they’ll dip in, answer a few emails and then go and get some kip!

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 18/05/2026 15:08

@TwinklySquid Most companies want to know if a holiday is booked when someone is appointed. It’s not acceptable to come along later and ask for excessive time off, unpaid or otherwise. It’s nothing to do with work life balance. It’s to do the honesty and being aware that this isn’t acceptable. Of course they won’t work effectively on holiday and what about everyone else? The op is right to flag this up and look closely at company policies when a new employee has taken the piss.

@estrogone Presumably you have performance management, training for new employees and policies about wfh? This presumably means the employee won’t get the training and is in breach of the wfh agreement? Can you not look at this from a discipline point of view and terminate the appointment? They are not meeting the contracted requirements surely?

DancingFerret · 18/05/2026 15:16

Intrigued20 · 18/05/2026 14:37

I honestly wouldn’t want them working for me. They don’t seem to get what they have done wrong…

I think they know exactly what they've done, their behaviour indicates a high degree of manipulation and disingenuousness. Not someone I would contemplate giving a second chance, no matter how promising they appeared at interview.

bigboykitty · 18/05/2026 15:16

Spicysirracha · 18/05/2026 14:39

And you would seriously advertise, interviews candidates, recruit and bring them on board and train them - for a 4 week job whilst they are on unpaid leave??

Yes, and sack the piss-taking probationer if the temp replacement is better. She's a liability.

ConstanzeMozart · 18/05/2026 15:27

estrogone · 18/05/2026 14:00

Update: I have professionally and respectfully let this person know that this won't fly (wfh from their home country). I have been clear on the reasons why and also added in my overall concerns (wtaf face ConfusedConfusedConfused) in my written correspondence. They have responded to day that they assumed a passing comment was implicit approval. I am bemused to say the least but still considering unpaid leave (definitely not going to approve their mad ass wfh proposal).

Lesson learned. Do not look for logic where none exists.

Ho hum. Another day of small business jiggery pokery. It is never dull.

They have responded to day that they assumed a passing comment was implicit approval.

Either they are a bit hard of thinking and genuinely don't have a clue what it means to have a job, or they are utterly entitled and are seeing how far they can push it. The fact that they sent the original message after you'd left for the day suggests to me the latter. But either way, if I were you I would no longer be considering offering unpaid leave. I'd tell them they either turn up for work or they can consider themselves to be no longer working for me.

Spicysirracha · 18/05/2026 15:36

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IBlinkedAndBecameMiddleAged · 18/05/2026 16:09

I think you need to be careful that you don’t set a precedent with unpaid leave. What if parents now ask for a month unpaid to cover school holidays? A nightmare if you have several parents asking for same time period. After all, if you have it to someone new while still on probation then they are reasonable to expect that they would get it.

Was the trainee apologetic at all for the inconvenience etc in their message? I think that’s key.

I have to say that I think you’d be better saying no to unpaid and they either go on holiday or stay with your firm.

5thchildso · 18/05/2026 16:12

Parent can request a month's paid leave though, they don't have to be given it at the times they ask for but it can't be refused overall

IBlinkedAndBecameMiddleAged · 18/05/2026 16:31

5thchildso · 18/05/2026 16:12

Parent can request a month's paid leave though, they don't have to be given it at the times they ask for but it can't be refused overall

Yes but if they aren’t given their request for a months paid leave then they will want it unpaid and would likely feel hard done by if they don’t get it after the new hire was given it etc. That’s a problem if you have a few parents wanting at same time - will not create good feeling if the OP sets precedent by allowing new starter to do it and not letting everyone do it.

If I worked there and saw a new starter behave like this and be given a month unpaid, I’d not be happy to not be given the same.

5thchildso · 18/05/2026 16:48

Sorry the parental leave I was referring to is unpaid, not paid! In case anyone was getting excited 😃

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 18/05/2026 17:17

After their comment that they assumed a passing comment was implicit approval I’d refuse the unpaid leave offer and terminate their employment. They’ll only get worse and be trouble. As pp said suppose your other employees find out you’ve given them a lot of unpaid leave. They won’t be happy the new person is getting preferential treatment, well I wouldn’t be if I worked at your company. Let them cancel and either get a refund or lose out financially. I can’t believe their brass neck and assumption tbh.

Megifer · 18/05/2026 17:39

Op this employee is taking the pure steam off your piss. Its commendable youre considering approving their unpaid leave but honestly? People like this just get worse.

I predict the next problems you have with them will be they can't get back from leave when they are supposed to. Then if you offer sick pay they will be ill when they get back Then you will have performance issues. Then they will be off sick again. In that order.

Terfarina · 18/05/2026 18:57

I think you are being over kind. This person is being disingenuous at best. You have to be able to trust your staff.

ParmaVioletTea · 18/05/2026 19:45

They have responded to day that they assumed a passing comment was implicit approval.

Longer term, this person sounds a bit arrogant, and a potentially problematic colleague.

cubistqueen · 18/05/2026 19:55

TwinklySquid · 17/05/2026 19:39

They would have likely started their career during Covid - so had limited actual work experience to see what is done/not.
Your brain also isn’t formed until 25

Bollocks. I’ve got a nearly 25 year old and she is definitely aware of what is acceptable and not in the workplace even though she is just starting her first job (trainee accountant). And my younger daughter who is currently working in hospitality whilst finishing her A levels which she first failed due to mental health issues that started during covid. She also understands how the workplace works. So 💁🏻

TwinklySquid · 18/05/2026 20:12

cubistqueen · 18/05/2026 19:55

Bollocks. I’ve got a nearly 25 year old and she is definitely aware of what is acceptable and not in the workplace even though she is just starting her first job (trainee accountant). And my younger daughter who is currently working in hospitality whilst finishing her A levels which she first failed due to mental health issues that started during covid. She also understands how the workplace works. So 💁🏻

It’s almost like people have different experiences … weird that 🙄

bigboykitty · 18/05/2026 20:12

Age has nothing to do with it really. She's just a chancer. I've met them in all age groups.

cubistqueen · 18/05/2026 20:18

TwinklySquid · 18/05/2026 20:12

It’s almost like people have different experiences … weird that 🙄

Again bollocks. 25 is not a young age to be in the workplace. If they don’t understand how a workplace works then they deserve to lose a job.

TwinklySquid · 18/05/2026 20:21

cubistqueen · 18/05/2026 20:18

Again bollocks. 25 is not a young age to be in the workplace. If they don’t understand how a workplace works then they deserve to lose a job.

They also aren’t from Australia. Different culture?

turkeyboots · 18/05/2026 20:24

Unpaid leave and restarting probation was going to be my suggestion. I'd start formalising things in writing asap, just in case.
And hope they quit while away.

QuadrupleH · 18/05/2026 20:33

turkeyboots · 18/05/2026 20:24

Unpaid leave and restarting probation was going to be my suggestion. I'd start formalising things in writing asap, just in case.
And hope they quit while away.

Yeah I think thats incredibly fair. Allows the employee to show this is a one off misjudgement and they still really want the job yet also allows OP to guard against future dipshittery.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 18/05/2026 21:11

TwinklySquid · 18/05/2026 20:21

They also aren’t from Australia. Different culture?

How does their culture mean anything only that they’d like to see their relatives? When you move to a western country you get to know about the culture of that country. I’ve worked with people from different countries and cultures and they didn’t assume they could wfh abroad or take unpaid leave shortly after starting the job. They valued their jobs and respected where they worked.