AIBU to charge another mum for school run help?

[Muddlingthroughwith2]

Am I being unreasonable to only offer to help another mum out with school logistics if they can pay me something? And if not unreasonable what would you charge a friend?

situation: they will struggle with getting child to school due to work, looking for options including a nanny, but of course they may not be able to drive; school breakfast club may not even be early enough start time for their day, yes - going to same school as ours, I have a car seat space. It would be 1 mile and 10 minutes extra on my journey minimum. It would save them 30-40 mins round journey, and if they can’t get or don’t use breakfast club it would save them £8.50 a day. They could perhaps drop off at ours to save diversion for me but would still be 50% more kids to navigate for me.

do I charge and if so what? Or charge in “wine” so it’s not a business relationship 😆

FYI they haven’t asked and I haven’t offered but I know it’s going to be difficult but before I offer to help do I make sure I don’t start on a back foot of enabling 7 years of free childcare!

Think about the effect on your own child/ren. How long will this other child be in your home before school? Will it be every day?
The dynamics within your own family will change, however well the kids get on.
Just something to be aware of.

I did this for friends and neighbours for several years. I added business use to my car and got insurance from childminders association. I didn't need to register as a childminder as it was less than 2 hours a day. I charged a little less than after/before school club and it worked great. I had a seven seater and my own kids could go upstairs to their rooms to play if they didn't want company. Minded kids stayed downstairs. Was a big help for me financially as things were tight and I was appreciated by minded kids parents.

I'd go a step further and they'd have to complete a probationary period!!! Xxx

Jesus Christ this makes me not want to have kids. We live in such an individualist culture now. The village is dead.

I think if your tipping point for remaining child free is not being able to find some schmuck to do the school run for six years for free, then it's probably for the best.

Haha. So easy to say when you don't already have dc whose needs you are juggling, alongside work, pets, volunteering and other responsibilities.

That's like saying you despair that you can't get a pet and go away with work because no other person will walk and feed it whenever you are not there!

I am always happy to share lifts and do ad hoc childcare. When it fits and doesn't cause me additional stress. I absolutely can't and won't be part of a fixed arrangement any more as been there and been burned.

I'd be very sure before you offer. Years ago when my daughter was at primary school a friend asked if I'd pick up her daughter with mine on the afternoons I worked shorter days. I said yes as I felt sorry for her - her marriage was collapsing. Problem was it soon became expected and I was treated as ' the help'. On days I had other things arranged after school and couldn't do it I was made to feel awful for not supporting her. The arrangement was I'd collect them and then take her child to her sister's house to drop off. Only sometimes the sister wasn't back from work and we'd sit waiting until she turned up. The final straw was the day I stopped off to pick up a Prescription on the way to the sister's house so was late dropping the child off myself. I got a right earful from the sister and that was the end of the arrangement for me!

Don't do it.. i lift shared with another family in my village. It became a huge burden. Even having to drive their daughter to school when mine was ill.. ( they dropped at end of drive and didn't answer phone). Very slowly you begin to be seen as a safety valve. Extra 10 min here and there... it grows to become an obligation. They were advertising for help fir three years...

The issue of charging then makes you feel more obliged to take their child if her own is ill. If you are paying someone the expectations differ.

You could dig yourself a big hole. What if your dc are unwell and couldn't go to school, would you still be expected to take friends child to school? A doctors appointment, could mean you taking yours into school later, would you still take your friends child for school at the right time. There are many things to think about, and personally l would not get involved, none of us can see into the future and know what problems this could lead too. Just look after your own, this woman should have planned this stuff out before having children. It's her problem, don't make it yours...

A friend asked me to take her daughter who was in the same class as mine to school one morning a week. I felt put on the spot and agreed but it didn’t work out as she made a lot of mess in my daughter’s room and was a horrible bully to her. I had to tell my friend I couldn’t continue and our friendship was never the same. She also asked several other friends to take her daughter so between us we covered her working days, we all had the same issue.

For several years I did give a lift to DD's classmate (secondary school) who lived in our street. They weren't friends and I barely knew the mother (no dad on scene), but just saw it as a good deed at no extra cost to me; although would have saved time and money for them. After a warning I only gave child a lift if she was on time, and their timekeeping generally good after this. I've a vague recollection that I may have been given chocolates on one occasion. I didn't feel a mug and didn't give it much thought.

Personally I wouldn't get in to this even for payment, it will end up feeling like a drag. She needs to find an official way to sort her own child out.

@neveraskingtime No, it’s because people start taking advantage/increasing their expectations that “the village” has to be careful! In an emergency, of course peopke will help out.

There's a big difference between being a village and being taken advantage of

@Tshirtking Yes, but the situation that @Muddlingthroughwith2 is talking about is so one-sided. She’s be giving all the lifts by the sounds of it and there’s no provision for ill children, someone doing a club, etc.

IME, car pools involving several families are the best. We had one for DS’s football team and four families were involved, it made it really easy and everyone did their share. That’s the real “village” scenario.

I took in a friend’s little one to help her out when her hours changed. Wasn’t an issue at all as I was going with mine anyway (we walk) there wasn’t any sickness on our part but if there had been then he would have still came to us (I’d have kept my kids away from him to try stop it being passed on!) and he would have walked himself. She was happy for him to walk himself it was just more that she couldn’t leave him in the house himself. I didn’t take any payment from her, breakfast club would have been £12.50 a day! I’d have never asked for anything. She did however gift us a cinema voucher at Xmas time to say thanks which was lovely but totally not needed. I know if I’d ever needed childcare she would have been there for me too. There was no issue with drop offs or anything as they lived across the road from us.

Really surprised at the comments here! I’d be over the moon if a mum friend offered this and I would be more than happy to compensate them for it. It’s responsibly for you so you deserve to be paid for that, but it’s also not that inconvenient if you’re already doing it all anyway. We should all help each other a bit more!!
I would much rather another mum friend was doing thing for me than a nanny etc.

@LuckyLyds I I think that some of us posting have been burnt in the past so we’re wary now! I agree that it’s a shame,

The problem is that it it can land the OP in very hot water if it is more than 2 hours per day, which happens quite easily !

Don't do it!
I'm a registered childminder, so people pay me for my service......and if my own kids were ill I'd have to drag them on the school run with me just to drop the other children off.

Why not offer to be eg emergency cover if their nanny is sick or on holiday? That's genuinely helpful but doesn't become an obligation or risk ruining the friendship. And then hopefully their nanny can return the favour on any odd occasions you need it.

Good for you. Glad you came through a difficult time and finding being assertive refreshing.

I'd ask her to drop off so it's not costing you in time. And emphasise it's a temporary arrangement as you'll have to see how it works with your mornings which are already stressful. Think about what she could offer. I'd ask for a night's babysitting once a month.

You either want to help or you don’t. Why does there have to be something in it for you?