AIBU to charge another mum for school run help?

[Muddlingthroughwith2]

Am I being unreasonable to only offer to help another mum out with school logistics if they can pay me something? And if not unreasonable what would you charge a friend?

situation: they will struggle with getting child to school due to work, looking for options including a nanny, but of course they may not be able to drive; school breakfast club may not even be early enough start time for their day, yes - going to same school as ours, I have a car seat space. It would be 1 mile and 10 minutes extra on my journey minimum. It would save them 30-40 mins round journey, and if they can’t get or don’t use breakfast club it would save them £8.50 a day. They could perhaps drop off at ours to save diversion for me but would still be 50% more kids to navigate for me.

do I charge and if so what? Or charge in “wine” so it’s not a business relationship 😆

FYI they haven’t asked and I haven’t offered but I know it’s going to be difficult but before I offer to help do I make sure I don’t start on a back foot of enabling 7 years of free childcare!

I wouldn't offer just because I wouldn't want to be tied to the routine.

I would not offer. When you are doing a favor regularly, people come to expect perfect service, even if they aren't paying you. Then they get mad that you were late because your own child was sick or they expect you to drag your sick child out in freezing weather to serve their child. I had one mother literally turn around and walk back to her house when she was already halfway towards school because she saw I was on my way and "could pick up my daughter" for her. She was going to take a nap! A NAP!!!! I had already declined to do that pickup because I had a conflict on my end, and she was trying to force my hand by just not showing up.

If you are being paid, then the expectations go up a lot. Is a fiver per day enough compensation to be worth the stress and restriction of having to fit another child into your routine every single day?

If the school breakfast club isn't open early enough, she's going to need you to collect her child very early - earlier than you need to get your child up and out.

I got stuck with a primary school friend of my son, one afternoon a week for a year, home from school, out to football practice, home for tea.

I do believe it takes a village, but you feel a bit like the village idiot when you're the mug who's doing all the heavy lifting, then being criticised for giving the kid fish fingers for tea again, by a parent who's an hour late to pick him up!

If paid the expectations are heightened as your now considered as the paid help.
Wouldn't say a thing.

Yes, this. IME when you help someone out in a situation like this, they are initially relieved and thankful, and it’s all hugs and gratitude. You’re a lifesaver!

Of course it soon becomes a routine obligation, and you are no longer their savior and best neighbor ever 🤣, just part of their daily setup.

eventually when you cannot keep it up, then you have created an problem, let them down, etc. Noone remembers the initial offer of help, just that you have withdrawn your help, and that stings them.

Keep out of it !🤣

it’s icky, isnt it?

It would stress me out if for some reason I couldn’t take her. I’d personally leave it but be there for her on an emergency basis if needed

What I find most weird about this thread is that the friend hasn’t even asked the OP this.

Don’t do it. It’s potentially a very long term commitment you’ll have trouble getting out of.

The other issue would be what if the friends child was ill before you got to school.
There are plenty of parents who risk in when they send their child to breakfast club/into school knowing they aren't well. School generally can be a bit more forceful if the parent starts to say they will collect but have a meeting first, and start pushing to say well no, they have been sick they need collecting immediately.
Would you have the same effect if the friend dropped the child at yours and was then sick? Or would you then be guilty tripped into looking after a poorly child for a long length of time.

I wouldn't. So many things can crop up in the morning. Your child could wake up ill and you need to make a docs appointment for that day. You could be ill so taking on an extra child wouldn't work. Your child's friendship could fail with this child, that would make for horrendous mornings for all involved. Emergencies fine, anything more and you are setting yourself up

You are very kind to think of it but word of caution...family member did this for a neighbours child and when neighbours circumstances changed the routine wss so embedded they felt couldnt stop. The other childs mum would wave them off in her jammies! Family member moved house 😅

Hard agree

I think it would depend on the relationship, e.g. how close are you, do you regularly do favours for each other...
Also how would a long term commitment work in practice? What would happen on days when your child is off sick, if you're sick or have something else on etc.

Definitely don't offer. School runs are generally so stressful that adding anything to it is a terrible idea. Children might become ill, they might make you late, they might forget things or be generally grumpy. Even extra logistics like forgetting a scarf or looking for an umbrella adds minutes that could easily make both children late. The risk is just too great.

It sounds like both children are young and haven even started their "school run life" yet. You don't know if her child will end up with EBSA or some other issue that makes it even harder to get to school. Cold, flu and stomach bug symptoms tend to flare in the morning so you will have to deal with all of that if one or more child isn't well. I wouldn't touch another family's child with a 10ft pole during school runs.

Do not offer. And if she asks then agree to emergency cover only.

It would very soon have become expected and you would have come to resent it, even if she bunged you a tenner.

Even if she asks you, I would be prepared to say no, except for emergencies.

I'm guessing that the whole premise is that OP is only thinking of doing it for money. She mentioned they save £8.50 breakfast club so she's clearly thinking along those lines. She probably thinks she can charge them the equivalent of £5 or so per day which would add up to £25 or an extra £100 a month. If you're really skint, an extra £100 might make it reasonable to take on the favour. Nobody in their right mind would do it for free though.

Wow! I hope she told the mum no after that?

I don’t think a 2 litre of milk, a box of cereal and a loaf of break per week is adequate payment for this work. It’s only worth £6 per week.

I agree with a poster above that it sounds like the school run will be new to both of you, starting reception. New starters bring their own problems to the school run. Children under not wanting to go in, this is hard for your own child, now imagine doing it not only with your own child but friends child as well. Even getting my own child out of the house because of nerves during the first term was hard, they needed my full attention, now add in another kid who has been left with you, possibly nervous as well. That's before you get to illness,etc. Dont do it to yourself .

Why are you putting yourself in this position - do you need the cash? If you feel obligated to help her stressful situation - ask yourself why and could you have people pleaser tendencies.

Is this your and / or their DC first time at school? Do you want to compromise the emotional support either might need directly from their parent?

What about your own DC - these morning moments are important for you to be attuned to any issues your own child might be brewing or just to enjoy each other. Why invite complexity into your life?

But it’s not really about payment in this situation IMO. It’s not really a situation where you’re offering nannying or childminding, it’s dropping a kid off on your way. It’s more of a token than employment and it creates more of an arrangement / partnership (one handles the drop off one handles the feeding).

How would that work when your kid is off sick?
Would you offer every single day? That's a lot. You won't get that time in the morning where it's just you and your child to spend together. I'd miss that.
Maybe offer a few days, rather than ever day.
If it was the other way around, would she help you?
Also, what about if the kids fall out and your child doesn't want them coming with them in the car?

Agree. There could be ‘role creep’ - can you do their reading, spelling test, wash teeth, give breakfast etc