AIBU to charge another mum for school run help?

[Muddlingthroughwith2]

Am I being unreasonable to only offer to help another mum out with school logistics if they can pay me something? And if not unreasonable what would you charge a friend?

situation: they will struggle with getting child to school due to work, looking for options including a nanny, but of course they may not be able to drive; school breakfast club may not even be early enough start time for their day, yes - going to same school as ours, I have a car seat space. It would be 1 mile and 10 minutes extra on my journey minimum. It would save them 30-40 mins round journey, and if they can’t get or don’t use breakfast club it would save them £8.50 a day. They could perhaps drop off at ours to save diversion for me but would still be 50% more kids to navigate for me.

do I charge and if so what? Or charge in “wine” so it’s not a business relationship 😆

FYI they haven’t asked and I haven’t offered but I know it’s going to be difficult but before I offer to help do I make sure I don’t start on a back foot of enabling 7 years of free childcare!

Be careful - if you charge her you will be running an unlicensed taxi service. This has tax implications and you need to inform your car insurance.

Contribution to petrol or wine or babysitting is the way to go.

So we take my niece (slightly different because family) but the arrangement we have is she is dropped at my house at 7.30am, she is in her uniform but I give her breakfast with my kids and then I take the 3 of them school. I don’t take money or anything but my brother and SIL are the first on the list when I need child care

I don't think you are unreasonable to offer, and charge potentially but only more what would be potentially described as 'pin' money. So a small token to cover costs, not like a commercial transaction. If it works better for you to say a bottle of wine a week, thats great too!

Its worth having a chat about what the arrangements would be if your DC are sick, if there is any possible back up. However, I don't think its necessarily as big a deal as some people think. If she hired a nanny or childminder, they could also be sick for a day.

It really depends if you think she can be pragmatic when needed, and make sure it won't effect your friendship. If you think it could lead to disagreements or additional stress, don't offer.

We helped friends out in the past, was very little extra work on our side, no extra costs to us, no charges, but they brought some thank you gifts periodically.

I wouldn't offer ... it will come back to bite you in the arse no doubt ... and you'll need business insurance if you're taking pay to deliver her DC to /from school for her so she can work.

Don't do it. People take the piss, their child will end up grating on you, your child and theirs will start squabbling, it's a nightmare, I speak from experience.

I wouldn't even get into it in the first place if it adds that much onto your journey. You might think it's ok now, but there will be difficulties and days where it's just not going to work for you. Don't do it. She needs to find a way to get her kids to school, or move schools, move house, get a taxi, get a nanny to take them - anything. But it's not your problem.

Also, if you make an arrangement your friend counts on what do you do if your child is sick and not going to school? Tell tour friend you can't drive today and that happens to be the day they need to be at work for an important meeting or giving a presentation? A permanent arrangement carries too much responsibility. And, honestly, I would feel a bit put off if you approached me with an out of the blue offer including terms when I hadn't even asked if you could help.

You cold offer in return for free return childcare?

The poster that suggested a 3 month trial I think is spot on. Offer the help, and see if you end up with a case of wine / money for the odd tank of petrol. I used to park at a friends house instead of having to pay for parking. Saved me £8 per day. We were good friends, so I made it work for her & insured her on my car to use in the daytime, and dropped the odd bottle of wine round. It worked well for both of us.

Omg I do this and the woman who we drop off/pick up for does my nails and cuts my hair for free. Absolutely banging deal imo. Could she offer you a service? Or does she have access to anything good through work? I used to get lifts to my pub job with a neighbour and gave him my friends and family discount + would get him the big bottles of hot sauce we used in the kitchen.

Don’t do it.
If you have to change your schedule for any reason it immediately gets to be your fault & you’re made to feel guilty forevermore.
I’ve fallen into the trap …daftly twice!

You CAN take payment if it’s less than two hours a day you don’t have to register as a child minder. Check with your car insurance about the arrangement - I used to drive kids about when babysitting and my insurance said it was fine but I had a record that I’d told them.
only do it if it works for you eg it will entertain your own kids at this time. We used to do this one day a week with another family when I was a child and I enjoyed going to their house more than a school club,

Be really careful
-Would you be running an unlicensed taxi or childminding service?
-would you need business insurance for your car if they discover you are running a paid service?
-Are there tax implications?
-what happens if your kids are sick - will she expect you still to do it?
-will she have higher expectations because she is paying?

It is better not to get involved. Just let her use a childminder.

I would just stay out of it tbh and let her sort it out herself.

I agree with this!

Quite surprised at how many saying don’t offer but wonder if they would accept help if they were in a difficult spot. There was a thread recently about a woman who’s kids ASC was shutting down at short notice and lots of suggestions of if friends could help with the kids for an hour or so in the afternoon - just funny how we all hope for a village but don’t want to be villagers

If this is a friend I would offer but have clear boundaries about how it would work for you. So child would be dropped off and collects at a particular time (I would only personally offer to do it on a regular basis if it wasn’t out of my way), plan ahead for what to do if your child can’t go in at short notice and say you will review it each term to see if it’s still working. If not you could give her until the next term to make new arrangements. I personally wouldn’t charge as not costing any extra but could try and arrange some babysitting evenings / weekend days if possible.

This.

Does the family only live a mile from the school? (It seems that way from your post)
Nice of you to think of offering but surely they can easily walk it. 20 mins walk to school. I had to do that to get to nursery in the 80s.
Unless you are a register childminder I don’t think you can do this for money legally?? (Am not sure)
Not a good idea.

but you didn't have to do it and I am assuming that you didn't charge the school?

I had to if I wanted to transport the dc to the appointments, as required in my job description, and anyone claiming business mileage needs the right level of insurance to be covered and be able to claim.

10 minutes? Tell her to pay it forward. Can’t believe you’d want paying.

I drop someone off daily. It adds 15 min to my journey. I do not charge. They have given me roughly £10 a week for petrol

I wouldn’t offer. If you do (and partially if it’s paid), it becomes an obligation. What if your DC is unwell and you’re still on the hook for kid’s school drop off? What if you find a bargain holiday in term time and decide you want to go? It’s not worth your effort.

I was able to I worked for family so didn't start till 10am, I did it for several years it suited us. Plus I didn't drive then so she would give me a lift to bday parties.
My mum helped out the single mum down the road when I was a kid. She would come with bread, milk and 60 Stirling Blue 😅

She was grateful for the help and I was happy to help.
@Muddlingthroughwith2 You do have to be prepared for possible fall out of the kids. My DD and her DD were best friends, they still had tiffs.

I wouldn't do this.

We had a reciprocal arrangement with another family for six years, where I dropped off early and they fed and took mine to school a couple of mornings a week and I took theirs one morning. It started with our eldest and then the youngest as well.

It was OK for the most part, but could be a bit of a pain when one of the kids was ill or had appointments as it left the other party scrambling. I also found planning around it annoying.

It was only one day a week (for us) and we walked - I certainly wouldn't have wanted to do it five days a week and factor in driving, parking, car seats etc.