AIBU to charge another mum for school run help?

[Muddlingthroughwith2]

Am I being unreasonable to only offer to help another mum out with school logistics if they can pay me something? And if not unreasonable what would you charge a friend?

situation: they will struggle with getting child to school due to work, looking for options including a nanny, but of course they may not be able to drive; school breakfast club may not even be early enough start time for their day, yes - going to same school as ours, I have a car seat space. It would be 1 mile and 10 minutes extra on my journey minimum. It would save them 30-40 mins round journey, and if they can’t get or don’t use breakfast club it would save them £8.50 a day. They could perhaps drop off at ours to save diversion for me but would still be 50% more kids to navigate for me.

do I charge and if so what? Or charge in “wine” so it’s not a business relationship 😆

FYI they haven’t asked and I haven’t offered but I know it’s going to be difficult but before I offer to help do I make sure I don’t start on a back foot of enabling 7 years of free childcare!

Perhaps, I know it’s a bit radical, the Father is doing the school run. Often children have 2 parents working full time and they work it out.

Think I will just stay quiet and offer to help in emergencies only unless they offer something reciprocal.

@Muddlingthroughwith2 I think you’re wise. Years ago I did a car pool with a friend and even though we were supposed to be sharing, I somehow ended up giving more lifts. As someone else said, the requests will start creeping up and it’s difficult to decline them. Luckily they moved so that gave me an out!

I know it sounds harsh but since that experience I’ll help friends out in an emergency, but I don’t commit to longterm lifts.

Asking for payment depends upon whether the other party approaches you for the "favour" or whatever it is. Offering to quote a price is often a conversation stopper (I have found) when someone is trying to take advantage of your time or knowledge. Like the neighbour who asked if she could park one of her several vehicles on my drive and I told her I would think about it. However of I agreed it would have to be done on a commercial basis via the app and would not be a cheap option. I could immediately tell by the look on her face she had no intention of paying. She expected me to house her vehicle for free. Yeah, right.

Do not offer. Do not charge

I feel if they drop their kid to your house when you are about to leave for school, I wouldn't charge. It doesn’t make much of a difference. Maybe offer a day or two a week to help for a term till they find a solution. Are your mornings that calm that you can commit daily getting another kid back and forth? I mean we have with 3 kids are a bit chaotic. Also, what if you put yours into a club after school and then stop or change etc? Do your kids have identical programs? What if yours is sick one dat? If you are getting paid, you still need to drop off and pick the other kid? It s hard to commit that much. But I would def offer adhoc help.

I helped a neighbour out for about a year, her son was in my daughter's class.
Work changed her shift suddenly and she genuinely couldn't get her son to nursery in the morning as she had to start work at 8am.
Only 3 days a week.
I was in university then so I also used to take my daughter to breakfast club.
So she would drop her son at mine at about 7.15, I would take the kids to breakfast club at 8.
I never offered to take him or anything and was never paid but I appreciated her presence in the building tbh because we were both single mums and you never know when you'll need help etc. And she used to invite my daughter a lot in the afternoons to play at hers so that was lovely.
Anyway, a year later, I found a house closer to my family and the area I grew up in so I moved. She was so sad, I think I would've felt guilty had it been a business relationship.
And she did eventually find someone else to help her.

If you are looking after a child (aged 8 or under) for 2 hours a day or more and being paid (money or goods) for this, you must register with Ofsted.

It doesn't need to be the same child. For example, you might have a child for the morning for an hour and a second child in the afternoon for an hour. It still counts.

Providing unregistered childcare when legally required to do so is a criminal offence.

Why not consider opening a before and after school childminding service? You could provide the service to several families this way.

id say no, for one thing it is a big responsibility and when she’s late, you’re late, if you she’s early, it puts on you. Basically. You are at her whim, taking payment makes it worse, you find it harder to say no.

Dont offer. Say no if asked. Its a huge responsibility.

Whatever you offer, offer to help for two months. Then you can extend or cease without feeling mean.
You don't want to be out of pocket. Accept milk, bread or cash etc
I would insist on them dropping child off between xx and xx. (Ten minute window).

Only offer what you can sustainably do for a year. Reassess every term.
Hopefully friend will find independant options.

I recently spent a week at my son and Dil’s house due to their work commitments and I did the school runs for my 2 grandchildren at different schools. Their routine is to collect granddaughter’s friend on the way.

2 out of the 5 mornings she texted to say she’d overslept and needed another 10 mins. I did manage to get all 3 of them to school in the nick of time but I found it stressful because we were running late. It’s not a paid arrangement and I wouldn’t like to enter in to one and feel obligated to do it. What if your kids are off sick or if the other family have overslept and keep you late?

In England, it is a criminal offence to operate as an unregistered childminder if you care for children under eight for reward (payment or in-kind benefits) for more than two hours a day.
2 hours are surprisingly little if it includes the school run….
You are making yourself hugely vulnerable offering this, anyone with a grudge and you end up with a criminal offence on your record.

Mine cost us £13 more a year.

Don't do it!! Even for payment. It's a huge commitment. I have a friend who did similar (no money involved) her child has since moved schools so she has to go out of her way to take this child, even when she's sick, when her kids have inset days. It's ridiculous

Don't do it.
I did this when I was out of work and someone advertised for help one day a week getting her kid to dance which was near my kids swimming on the same day. So I offered thinking it was a paid gig.
Ended up a mug doing this weekly and if my kid was off I still had to go get her kid and take her to dance as agreed.
When the year ended I said I couldn't do it the following year as things for me had changed. She thanked me and asked my address so she could drop something over for everything I'd done for her, never saw or heard from her again.
No gift, payment never got mentioned after I started. Which was fine, I was usually going there anyway but it did become a problem when my daughter wasn't at school and I'd committed to helping.

Easier to stay out of those arrangements. One off is OK but permanent commitment will get annoying.

(If she's reading this, I still remember. 😂)

I personally wouldn’t offer. It’s a big commitment to tie yourself into for all those years, and not your problem to solve. What if you are running late, your children are ill, you need to use breakfast club one day etc? More hassle than it’s worth IMO

Yeah I shared school runs from year 7 to year 10. It soured quickly when my DS and the other boy were no longer friends. Plus the Mum always had her phone on silent in the morning so when mine was ill I still ended up taking hers to school (30-40 min round trip) as couldn't get hold of her. Plus she started a separate job invigilating and was constantly messaging last minute to swap things round. Also her DS never spoke to me or thanked me and was never ready when I got to their house so I was waiting 5 mins there every day which was making us late. It was a PITA tbh.

I had a small baby, was up all night, sleep deprived and barely functioning any way. I avoided confrontation.

They were having a really hard time and struggling to stay employed and I felt I couldn't make life harder for them when there was no real reason to say no.

I am so much better at this stuff now but it was a tricky phase!

I wouldn’t be offering to do this, paid or otherwise. It’s too much responsibility and too binding on you.

I had this situation for a couple of years and it didn’t bother me as they lived very close by. But then my child and hers fell out. Mine was getting upset and I had to put an end to the arrangement. I really wouldn’t recommend starting it up.

She should pay you once the arrangement is in place. It’s a job that helps her out. I’d say 25 minimum.
I used to drop off and collect, keep for an hour before and after school, 💶 worked out €20 per day.

Dont offer. Its too much. What a faff every day for 7 years. And what if you are running late. You will end up resentful

I shared lifts to an evening swimming class for my DD with another mum (girls were 12). Weirdly, she started dropping my DD home later and later and it turned out they were going back to her house because she was worried that her own DD was lonely (she was home schooled, mine wasn't). I started asking for my DD to be dropped straight home on the friend's pick up days, friend would agree, then bring her back half an hour late. One night it had been over an hour late and my texts were being ignored so I put my two younger kids (who were in their pjs) in the car and went to pick up my DD. I could see her through their front window sat alone in their living room. Turns out the other child had argued with her parents and been up in her room for 40 minutes!! After that I just said I'll take my DD every week from now on and we'll meet her DD there. Our friendship didn't really recover...

I am usually the type to offer to help people but I learnt quite quickly (especially if you are a SAHM and she is a working mother) that people will come to expect it and pretty soon your generous offer is justified because "she's got nothing to do all day and I'm really busy". What happens if you child is off sick, for example?

Lift shares and picking up/dropping off other people's children can quickly become a pain. If you ask for money, I'd be careful as you'll be changing the relationship - even more expectation from the other mother. Maybe offer to do it occasionally to help her out but make it clear from the outset that it would be no more than two or three times a half term or whatever feels reasonable.

Definitely charge, that puts it on a formal arrangement . Also people value things they pay for more than stuff they get for free.