AIBU to charge another mum for school run help?

[Muddlingthroughwith2]

Am I being unreasonable to only offer to help another mum out with school logistics if they can pay me something? And if not unreasonable what would you charge a friend?

situation: they will struggle with getting child to school due to work, looking for options including a nanny, but of course they may not be able to drive; school breakfast club may not even be early enough start time for their day, yes - going to same school as ours, I have a car seat space. It would be 1 mile and 10 minutes extra on my journey minimum. It would save them 30-40 mins round journey, and if they can’t get or don’t use breakfast club it would save them £8.50 a day. They could perhaps drop off at ours to save diversion for me but would still be 50% more kids to navigate for me.

do I charge and if so what? Or charge in “wine” so it’s not a business relationship 😆

FYI they haven’t asked and I haven’t offered but I know it’s going to be difficult but before I offer to help do I make sure I don’t start on a back foot of enabling 7 years of free childcare!

There’s a huge difference between carrying out a task that’s part of your job and taking on a job that is basically being a taxi driver.

Still wasn’t expensive

I personally wouldn’t offer as could end up affecting friendships.

I would stay out of it — it’s not a here or there favour… every day for many years. As others have said what would happen if your DC was ill, or your DC and their DC were no longer friends you’d be stuck in an awkward situation.

Empathise with the problem without offering you and your life as the solution.

Still wasn’t expensive

I wouldn’t offer. It’s a lot to take on every day of every school week and they may expect this for the duration of primary. Breakfast club starts at 7.30 usually so they must want to drop the DC off very early. I think you’ll eventually resent the arrangement and it will cause a lot of issues.

Be careful. There’s been too many threads on mn where people have helped out, and the other mum has become a cf. What happens if you child is ill, the child is running late, or mum isn’t home , and you need to go gymnastics?

As others have said, it’s not your problem to solve, but in answer to your question, I would charge.

This
don’t offer either
you can’t legally take payment unless you are a registered childminder - you can “help a friend out” and I’ve done this as-hoc but not as a long term childcare solution.

If she asks see what she says - don’t agree straight away and say you need to think about it and discuss it with partner etc

As I said, it cost me £10.

I mean, are you extremely skint?

I would find it very odd for someone to offer but also ask for payment.... Either make her a very kind offer (that you'll likely regret) or wait for her to actually ask you and if she does that you might have scope for asking for money.

This ^
I would be available for emergency situations if it’s a friend but no more.
People do team up eg one does drop off and the other picks up or one does Tuesdays and the other Wednesdays so there is mutual benefit for both.

It depends on your relationship with the other family and how frequent it is. If it was a close friend I wouldn’t charge and would do it as long as we’re still doing the school run.

Another Mum that I only know of as our kids both attend and it’s a regular agreement, I just wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t want to take responsibility or liability for someone else’s child so regularly. I also wouldn’t want to be tied to it

I think it’s a very kind thing to do. I wish there were more people like you. We always as a society used to look out and help each other, even if it meant going a little out our way.

I would offer, and say you’ll help out for 3 months to see how it works for both of you. You then have a get out clause - and she doesn’t have to panic about finding a nanny quickly.

Once you’ve done it for a while you can decide what it is worth to you - or not do it.

This is one way to end up with a CF and also lose a former friend! Never mix childcare and friendship!!!

Don’t make a commitment like this. As you say. It could go on for years.

I paid a teaching assistant who was actually a mum I knew from one of my older children's (no longer at the school) class, to bring my youngest home from after school club two days per week for three years. It was a long time ago and I only paid her £5 a week/ £25 a month, essentially as an acknowledgement I guess. The actual time he was in her care was probably 20 minutes per week in two ten mins segments, but it's still a commitment. I guess I'd offer double now.

She literally only drove him home - my trustworthy secondary aged eldest was home (arriving by public transport from the opposite direction about half an hour before him) and DH usually got home, also from a different direction, about half an hour after the youngest was dropped off.

The other mum was a friendly aquaintance but not an actual friend - we didn't make social plans together. I'm not sure about paying a real friend...

I personally would only offer if it comes up in conversation and if you're genuinely happy to help. I wouldn't ask for payment but I would ask for the child to be brought to you so you aren't going out of your way and then the odd bottle of wine. However if your child isn't going to school that day eg if sick I would be clear that they'll have to sort other arrangements even if it's short notice.

FYI they haven’t asked and I haven’t offered

Very strange that you’re even considering doing this if she hasn’t asked you.

Don’t offer.

I wouldn’t do this.

What about days when your child is ill? Do you really want to have to drag them out on the school run anyway, because you have agreed to take someone else’s child?

I’d stay well clear.

This is a tough one if you are friends, but I wouldn't offer and I wouldn't ask how things are going in that area, either. I would avoid the topic. Situations like them arriving late to drop child off to you, pick child up after school from yours, asking you to drive her to theirs instead, can you keep her until X as bad traffic, working late, this list goes on.

This is actually clever. If you are able to commit then propose a trade off - I do the school run, you provide the breakfast.

I wouldn’t offer because your circumstances could change.

I wouldn't mention it and if she asked I wouldn't agree to helping. As a parent needing childcare I'd always feel more comfortable with a paid arrangement with a professional nanny or childminder, who was CRB checked and Ofsted registered, with a legal contract so we both knew where we stood.

As a parent doing the school run I'd never want to commit to an arrangement, paid or unpaid. Life is busy enough in the mornings without adding any other complications, and I'd want to have full control of any flexibility, e.g. my eldest will sometimes go to school early for clubs, or we might miss a morning to go on holiday or an appointment.

Offer freely, with no strings…or just keep quiet.

As others have said if you ask to get paid for this you’re actually providing a service. Personally it’s a mile, I’d do it for free because you’d like someone to do it for you. If she gives you anything as a pressie it’s a plus