Husband has stormed out because I found messages on his phone

[Welshie2]

Hi everyone, I had so many supportive messages on my previous post which has now closed. I have started to implement some of the advice around finances etc. I’ve also filled this weekend with plans not involving my Husband. I said last night he was going at 100mph, and he is similar today. He has text me to say the delivery is arriving tomorrow morning and he can see if his parents can have DS so we can have some us time. I’ve told him I’m going to be out and he has just blanked me.

So thank you to everyone who is helping me navigate this. He is making it seem like everything is business as usual and that I am silly to be dragging it out in his words.

Yes, I agree with all of this.

This in spades. but also I wonder what she could possibly have on him that makes him so nervous. Oh! Unless, of course, they are sleeping together after all, that would make it all make sense. What a surprise. What a turd he is.

I don’t know about you op, but I cannot lie at all, and therefore just cannot understand at all that anyone can. I just don’t get it. So, I didn’t believe my ex husbands affair for 3 years, as he was looking me in the face and denying it, as I didnt think anyone could do that. They absolutely can. When I got irrefutable evidence, my main reason for divorce was the lying rather than the affair. I just didn’t know him. My point is

your best defense is to assume that every single word he says is a lie. Start from that.

I genuinely thought I’d seen and heard it all but the gall of this one is unbelievable. Are you going to be in a mood?! Wow. Absolute CF

Oh, so now he says she could make life difficult for him. This is a different story to when he told you (in the last thread) that she wouldn't think of making life difficult for him as she is a bit of a bimbo. Notice how the narrative changes every time he feels cornered. At this stage I don't think you can trust what he is telling you anymore, it feels like he is saying anything to try and shut you down.

I'm sorry Op, this must feel awful.

Oh my word, he's absolutely disgusting. How are you managing to be in the same room as him OP? The ick is off the scale.

‘He’s had another mood change after the woman who he has been having an affair with has threatened to expose him’

his words don’t make any sense op. If he was doing nothing wrong, there is no trouble she could make for him. He might as well have said ‘I am totally guilty.’

He came home early from work this afternoon and said he’s struggling to cope with everything. He says he will be going off sick at this rate and will have to see how he feels tomorrow in the morning. He says I’m making him ill dragging this out.

🎻

he’s not taking any responsibility for his own actions. My guess is things are hitting the fan at work

Classic deflection and guilt triping in an attempt to control your boundaries....
He trying to blames his health issues on your refusal to accept his mistreatment/behaviours ,a fine example of gaslighting and blame shifting.
Im so sorry you are being put through this.

Ask him to do at home drug testing along with lab drug screens and to get a mental health screening. If he gets offended, tough. He's showing behaviours that could indicate either or both.

This is not on you. He's trying to play the victim but I would bet there's something at work about to come out.

Return the sex chair.

Translation: he went in to work, she was there and upset, he came home to avoid a scene and is now guilting you a bit more about the stress of it all being your fault.

Alternative translation: he went to work, HR called him in cos she has told them about him, he came home cos he was told to/to avoid a scene and is now guilting you a bit more about the stress of it all being your fault.

Ask him how the "mate" he had to go see at the weekend is doing. I would bet any money that was him telling her it is over.

P. S. I'm really sorry you're going through this. My post wasn't meant to be flip of gloaty - it is a horrible situation you're in.

Only just saw this thread, having commented on your first.
your man there is either a collossal dickhead or is having some sort of mental health issue. None of what he is doing or saying is ok.
I Don’t know why you changed your plans to allow him to see his ‘friend’ on Saturday. He needs to learn PDQ that he has a child that he needs to look after when it’s his turn, and you don’t need to accommodate him like that. You owe him nothing at all at this point.

I agree with this.

Honestly he has missed his calling, he should be in pantomime, the great big drama queen. You making him ill, my arse!

I didn’t have a choice sadly, he was pretty much out the door as he was telling me. He hasn’t told me which friend it is as he doesn’t want to breach their trust, he has two best mates and there are no partners I can ask.

“Me me me… it’s alllll about MEEEEEE”
He is behaving like a fucking toddler. Hold firm OP you’re doing great, don’t let him wear you down!

I said on the other thread she will cause trouble at work …he’s made a big mistake and put his job at risk never mind his marriage an home life.

He’s her superior it will end badly.

If I was you I get well away from him.

Came home early and may go off on sick because he’s stressed? Or suspended by HR because of inappropriate behaviour? What an absolute dick, he’s really blown his life up hasn’t he? And it’s of course all your fault because you caught him. You deserve better.

Right so that’s a crock of shite then isn’t it? He wasn’t with his mate was he? He’s taking the absolute piss-sorry to say. I hope you are alright. Have you asked him to leave and he won’t?

This sounds very much like my ex OP. Sorry you’re going through this. People like this will prioritise anything over you. They will say and do anything to avoid a discussion or admission and even worse blame you in the end. My ex told me the reason she cheated was because I ‘didn’t make her feel special enough’. Any excuse to avoid accountability. He’s displayed controlling and disrespectful behaviour and shown his true colours in my opinion. My advice is to get out as soon as you can. You’ll be fine and happier in the long run. Best of luck to you.

He's hiding something else and is concerned of you finding out. That's what's making him "ill". I would put money on it. My guess is he's already screwed her and is concerned that making any moves will cause her to reveal it to you.

Whats he gonna say to doctor - "Hi so Ive been sending innapropriate messages to my subordinate employee who I line manage. My wife found out. Ive tried gaslighting her to make out its her fault. When gaslighting didnt work I've ordered her a sex chair but she wasnt interested. I now feel very stressed by my wife (poor me)."

I mean wtf does he think doctor will say.

Maybe it wasnt his friend needing a crisis chat but himself that needed one?

What a fucking reprobate.

Hope you are managing to locate financial details so you can play your hand once you are ready. Why wont he go to his Mums?

Keep your chin up OP 💐

I agree with this too.

Doesnt want to breach their trust! But yours he doesn't mind