Husband has stormed out because I found messages on his phone

[Welshie2]

Hi everyone, I had so many supportive messages on my previous post which has now closed. I have started to implement some of the advice around finances etc. I’ve also filled this weekend with plans not involving my Husband. I said last night he was going at 100mph, and he is similar today. He has text me to say the delivery is arriving tomorrow morning and he can see if his parents can have DS so we can have some us time. I’ve told him I’m going to be out and he has just blanked me.

So thank you to everyone who is helping me navigate this. He is making it seem like everything is business as usual and that I am silly to be dragging it out in his words.

It's infuriating to me that he is constantly reframing his transgression to be your fault, or hers, but taking no accountability for what HE has done.

As someone else suggested, I'd bet money he met her to end things and it's gotten messy at work.

He is panicking.

You're not swallowing his lies, the OW has kicked off, people at work are giving him the side eye, he's probably been called into HR and given a rollicking.

Maybe even suspended (hence the sudden illness so he doesnt have to pretend to go into work), but he's trying desperately to deflect you into feeling sorry for him.

A total refusal to take any responsibility. What a prince 🙄

He says I’m making him ill dragging this out.

I think this is your cue to tell him that you won't be dragging it out any longer. Because you'll be putting a stop to it by filing for a divorce.

I, too, think he may have been suspended and is priming OP for the "sick leave" lie.

I can't quite believe he's blaming you again...the absolute audacity!

Sounds more like he was told if he didn’t meet her immediately, she’d be landing on your doorstep to be honest.🙄

Also agree that the forthcoming sick leave is priming you for when he’s suspended. What an idiot.

He was off meeting her; she’s kicked off. She may have told work too by sounds of it.

Kick him to the kerb OP. You don’t need this.

I am so sorry OP. In my opinion you shouldn’t even be asking questions anymore. He has shown you he is not good enough as a life partner, you and your child deserve better and if you leave soon you can maintain your self respect and be proud of yourself for drawing a line under this. You only have one life.. don’t waste any more of yours with this liar.

Did he go to work today?

My last comment sounded harsh.. apologies! I am just absolutely fuming on your behalf.

Hope you are ok OP 🙂

He went to work and returned by midday. He was extremely stressed/agitated and said he’s being hung out to dry. I was on my way out at this point as had something on this afternoon, and he’s currently out, has messaged to say he’s at the gym and he will tell me everything later.

He’s such a victim 🙄

please be careful OP - it sounds like his work is unravelling and he’s incapable of taking responsibility for his own actions so will blame you

You are clearly deep in the fog of a highly abusive manipulative relationship with a really scummy man.

His mental health threats are just what scum men do when women push back and they aren't getting their way, bug could be because he has messed up in work.

He is scum.

He is a shit father and partner.
Any threats to self harm by him, call the police.

You need to protect that poor child.
Tell family and friends the truth.
I wouldn't believe a word from him.

His threats to go out sick is simply to get you in line or he could be in trouble in work fof his conduct.

Contact the national domestic health line for your area or women's aid.

What the hell did he expect sending explicit messages with someone he manages? What a fool. I would be distancing myself from him as he’s only trying to make it up to you so he doesn’t lose everything.

What a scumbag.

I would imagine he has already had sex with this girl, You started getting alarm bells, He tried to ditch her & she has reacted by going to HR as she is his junior?

I’m betting she’s gone to HR.

It’s this. It’s always this. I used to do workplace investigations for grievances. At least 70% of them were related to this.

Totally agree. He’s in an untenable position with both his mistress/employer and of course his wife.

Fuck him. He deserves it with both barrels.

I don't know if anyone has already said this Welshie2, but I really think that you should be careful.

His next move might be anger/threats towards you and maybe threats of self harm.

He is obviously playing the victim to absolve himself of guilt, when you let him know you see through his shit he might get angry.

Be careful.

It's quite possible that he's come home as he's been suspended pending an investigation.

I think you need to be prepared. I fully agree with the recent posts about him already having had sex with her. She’s pissed off that he’s trying to cool it and has gone to hr. You need to be ready. It’ll be a drip feed at first and the more you dig the more will come out. Just don’t let him turn it round on you….there been no intimacy blah blah…I needed to find it elsewhere blah blah. This is the script all over