Husband has stormed out because I found messages on his phone

[Welshie2]

Hi everyone, I had so many supportive messages on my previous post which has now closed. I have started to implement some of the advice around finances etc. I’ve also filled this weekend with plans not involving my Husband. I said last night he was going at 100mph, and he is similar today. He has text me to say the delivery is arriving tomorrow morning and he can see if his parents can have DS so we can have some us time. I’ve told him I’m going to be out and he has just blanked me.

So thank you to everyone who is helping me navigate this. He is making it seem like everything is business as usual and that I am silly to be dragging it out in his words.

Purely anecdotal.

OP you have your head screwed on and keep it that way.
Do not let him gaslight into thinking he is entirely innocent when you saw the messages. He could have shut it down hard but didnt which suggests he happily engaged in more at work.

Do not accept one bit of blame no matter what he says. His choice always to do this.

That’s how Mumsnet operates..

What would make you happy? A curated list of court cases?!

ETA cos I submitted too soon.....except there aren't any court cases, that is rather the point. I personally know of two cases where people were paid to fuck off because although the company would have won the case, it was ultimately cheaper to pay the arsehole to go away and then allow word to spread about them in the industry.

We don’t know how much OP or her DH earn. Whilst UK courts prefer a clean break, long and short term spousal maintenance can be awarded. The law doesn’t just take into account current employment status though, but earning capacity.

If her husband has a track record of higher earnings but seems needlessly unemployed, then the court will take into account what he should be earning.
However if OP earns a decent salary and her DH struggles to find work after this, it could be to OPs disadvantage, at the very least giving him grounds to argue for a greater share of equity.

My best friend earned more than her ex h who was very unkind to her and the children and he was mentally ill for years anyway. She reached breaking point after his second suicide attempt and she left him. Although he was off work sick, he had returned to work by the time the divorce was being finalised. Even though he was working she did have to give him a greater equity share, due to their earning difference, notwithstanding the fact she had full time care of both children who hardly saw him again.
in summary, it’s definitely in OPs best interests that her DH is earning when the finances are decided.

It's in his interests to look solid with you whilst this is going on. Almost as part of his 'defence'. I'm a family man bla bla

He is still minimising and lying...I couldn't be near such a vile creature.

Hopefully HR will get to the truth the idea he thinks he'll get a redundancy payment for gross misconduct 🤦‍♀️

Maybe the old boys network will save him, it happened at an NHS Trust near me the person survived because they locked the door and the whistle blower didn't actually see anything.(they heard)...but the man in your husband's situation didn't last long in post after. Grim

All the drama is irrelevant to trying to find a way to get away from his yucky self

OP, you’re sounding stronger with each message you post. I hope you’ll be ok.

Very handy to get sacked right at this very moment.

You are spinning a good yarn OP. MN is like a soap opera

That's only the starting point of evidence though. Once they start interviewing everyone it will all come out and he'll be sacked. You read his messages yourself, you must know he did what he has been accused of.

Ultimately this is a disciplinary case not a court of law. There is no jury to convince. The disciplinary board will make their decision. If the 'D'H disagrees then he can try his hand at a tribunal but the waiting time for that is a couple of years.

A lot of it will come down to the 'D'H's reputation in the business.

If there isnt direct evidence then he may get away with a reprimand though his card will be marked as he will seem like a bit of a liability.

If there is evidence they will look to get him out of the door at the least expense/hassle to themselves. This could be PILON, a compromise similar to redundancy or worst case scenario, immediate dismissal.