Husband has stormed out because I found messages on his phone

[Welshie2]

Hi everyone, I had so many supportive messages on my previous post which has now closed. I have started to implement some of the advice around finances etc. I’ve also filled this weekend with plans not involving my Husband. I said last night he was going at 100mph, and he is similar today. He has text me to say the delivery is arriving tomorrow morning and he can see if his parents can have DS so we can have some us time. I’ve told him I’m going to be out and he has just blanked me.

So thank you to everyone who is helping me navigate this. He is making it seem like everything is business as usual and that I am silly to be dragging it out in his words.

I've nothing useful to say, only that I feel for you. I have been there, when someone you love and thought you knew becomes more of a baffling stranger with each passing day. It's hard to accept, but there are brighter days ahead. You'll be proud of how strong you turn out to be.

You'd be an absolute fool to "tackle" this together.

Does he really think that's likely? I wouldn't want to even if these messages hadn't been discovered. He's an out and out liar and it's all too coincidental.

A grubby little shag in work in a sensory room, what a catch.

Of course he hasn’t been set up! It sounds like he’s trying to convince himself of his innocence along with everyone else.

Of course he wants you to work on it together!
he is going to lose his job, income, you, kids, home even the ow likely.
He wont get redundancy if dismissed for gross misconduct, they wont want to give money away when they don't have to.
Im sure would be so much better off without him dragging you down

I’ve told him I want to read every message if they are shared with him tomorrow. I’m certainly not helping him though. It’s his mess to get out of.

If any of these messages are on internal systems they will be able to dig them out and show who they are between.

have you asked him why you should believe him given the messages you saw with your own eyes which suggest he’s not being set up at all

OP I feel like you are wavering, the thought of you being the one to help him through this is insane, you are the victim in this, you are the one he's treat like shit, you are the one thats been cheated on and then treat disgustingly in the ftermath, you are the one who needs help, please please get away from him now.

I feel the same. Him promising to show messages and to be "honest" from now on in, isn't the win he thinks it is.

Also they could have used her card to swipe into the room

I thought you were divorcing him?

He's in strong denial mode isn't he. It's vanishingly unlikely that they have the wrong man. They must have spoken to the woman and she's given his name. Put that together with the sexting at work, he looks guilty as hell.

Good Lord I am so sorry OP. This is a wild rollercoaster ride of a story to read and I am so sorry it is your actual real life.

She may be divorcing him but his financial future is important for her and her child

Welshie2, I have read all your posts but not the responses so I apologise if I am repeating what has been said before but:
This "friend" was the OW and he had a day of "pleasure" because you are refusing, which I am proud of you for - he is the epitome of sleaze and you deserve so much better ❤️
The allegations at work WILL have merit because he is a sleaze and he is scared he will lose his job, home, marriage and the OW and you can be damned sure he will turn it all around to being your fault, if you don't give in and become the dutiful wife he expects. He has brought this on himself, you have done no wrong, stick to your guns and give him both barrels, in the figurative sense.
I say this from experience. You are wonderful and deserve so much more and you will go forward either standing strong on your own or will find that right man, in the future, who will treat you as the queen you are xxx

In terms of the work situation right now, don't get sucked into it mentally. It's irrelevant. The other messages he sent are bad enough. You have already indicated you want a divorce.

I think he thinks that if he "proves" himself right at work that all will be forgiven and you'll put up and shut up.

Don't get sucked back in.

Wishing you strength.

I am not standing by him, anything but. However I’ve got a child to consider in all of this and need to do things in the correct manner.

If he loses his job without further pay then the financial situation is not good, in terms of bills. I therefore have an interest in the outcome for that reason alone, I also need to uncover a couple of final financial details which this should give me an excuse to do.

You have balls of steel if you can see this through, I honestly couldn't speak to him without wanting to punch him in the face, stay strong!

There is no 'set up'. It's been discovered that he's having the affair on work premises that you also discovered. Are you really clinging to the belief that he didn't have sex with the OW?

His version of transparency is to lie and only show you the messages that he has carefully selected.

There is also a possibility that this woman is not the first. There may be precedent bitter rejected woman who has denounced him.
What a massive ass
He will always maintain there was never actual sex, just “banter” !

Employment law rests on the balance of probability not proof (which is different to criminal law). If they have what even you’ve just said, there is enough to sack. He can dispute in tribunal but I doubt he would as he is in the wrong.

Hope he learns a lesson, best of luck to you OP.

He will keep lying.

His DW @Welshie2 tells him she cannot stand the "dishonesty and disrespect". His reply is to lie about his workplace behaviour.

He is only crying now because his comfortable life is falling apart.

Dear @Welshie2 Please put the interests of yourself and your DS first at all times.

Your not'D'H is not entitled to nor does he deserve your support.

It is likely that he will be sacked, based on the text messages alone which he can't dispute and the fact that he was senior to her. You should prepare yourself for that OP.

Its certainly had a consistent, increased escalation over both threads