AIBU to expect some tidying from MIL while babysitting at ours?

[Sofitella]

AIBU to think my MIL could really do a bit of tidying when she is at our house looking after DC?

Just got home from a business trip and DH had asked her if she could help put DC to bed and supervise until we both got home. I come in from a day that started at 5am and a 3 hour journey home to find the house in a complete tip, dirty dishes, dogs not been let out, DC school bags, swimming bags with wet clothes in etc all just dumped on the floor, she’s lying on the sofa reading.

Now I totally understand that she’s doing us a favour and doesn’t have to do anything…but would you do that? I know I definitely wouldn’t, and if I had some time to kill once the kids are in bed I’d help out by at least sorting out the mess which had occurred on my watch!

Now have to start a major tidy up and I’m so exhausted 😔, and DC are complaining that they haven’t had enough to drink and are thirsty in bed and need water!

My own mum would have swooped in and everything would be done and spotless and a cup of tea offered on arrival.

Yeah you sound spoiled

This! Why have you raised your kids to be such messy buggers? Teach them to put their swimming stuff away etc rather than expecting others to do it.

And I had a MIL that fed my kids crisps then said they wouldn't eat dinner that I'd cooked...but you know what, I sucked it up as she was doing me a massive favour babysitter

Does this mean that your mum has to not only tidy up for when you are due to arrive back but in case you come back unexpectedly also? I assume your mum had babysat before, and when you got back at the expected time, did not leave a mess?

Op's mil didn't do any of that though. Schoolbags not put away, swimwear not taken out and washed, dishes not done, that is what the op described and none of it would take more that a few mins once op or the dh got home, especially with the dc fed and in bed.

Neither of the grandparents have ever sorted the the kids with anything. And when they babysat (that was rare) - it was on the condition the kids were in bed sleeping. And we were very grateful that we were able to go out!

Where was your dh - he seems to have passed the buck!

A major tidy up is some dishes, some swimming bags, achool bags and letting the dog out?

YABU

Where did I say unprompted
And what on earth do u mean a long time since I've been a mother? When does that stop??

Fyi there's 5 years between my youngest child and my eldest DGC

She was doing you a favour - maybe next time, leave her a list of things she needs to ensure are done

Nailed it….

Ageist nonsense.

I haven’t got a mother or a MIL any more. But when I had I was grateful for any help that they could give with my children, I’d rather they were playing/feeding bathing them than doing housework. OP, are you a bit house proud? As it’s been said many times before on here, there’s a reason why 60+ women don’t have children, it’s exhausting however retired and fit you are.

So, in the first post it states that the MIL was there for bath time, bed time and supervise after that.
It dies not say that MIL picked the children from school. So why does she need to tidy the children bags?
It does not say that MIL took the children swimming, so why does MIL need to tidy up the bags with the wet clothes? Same for the dinner and dishes. Someone else did not tidy it up. But OP is taking it with MIL

It says, bath, bed, watch them.... But, OP, please clarify, did your mother in law pick the children from school, took them swimming, then fed them, then bath and bed? Or only bath and bed?

Ok? Normally babysitting in the evening equals bath and bedtime.

I actually have to correct myself there! I read the OP again: MIL was asked to help put the children in bed and supervise till they got home, that all it says. Not even bath. I made that one up.
But many PP seem to think MIL had something to do with swimming, feeding them and their school bags.

I think it is not fair to expect anyone to sort a mess other adult left behind. If the MIL was there only for bedtime, to put them in bed, then someone else left the messy items around, not MIL.
If it was the MIL who took them swimming, and fed them, then yeah, fair enough to expect leaving the place in a tidy way after yourself.
But if it was the children's father, for example, why is MIL expected to tidy up?

I came on with the intent of saying that you are BU, but having read the scenario I ve changed my mind.
Simple things like not letting pets out, dealing with swimming kit and so on are pretty basic.
I’d never leave a kitchen messy
even if I had cooked, if it was a small
amount of washing up then I’d do it.
Would MiL know how busy and tough your day was? If not, then the pressure would be more on DH than her.

Your MIL is in a catch 22 situation.
If she tidied up she would have been accused of being judgmental as the house was messy. Possibly snooping as well.
By not tidying she is accused of being lazy.
Maybe she thought it was best not to do anything in case you didn’t want her to.

Of course, I agree with that. I wouldn’t want to clean another adults mess. I took OP post to mean that the mess in the house was created while MIL was there was the children and was not left by the DH.

I would have expected the swim stuff to have been sorted

but according to the op, her mil didn’t do swimming, that was the dad. And yet, utterly bizarrely, it was the female who was expected to hang the swim stuff, not the male. I am so so bored of misogyny that’s everywhere.

There is the point indeed.
OP needs to clarify that.

Who took the kids swimming?

Had to hose the bin down out the back, air the downstairs out and clean what was a clean kitchen when I left! Not to mention my FIL walking about on freshly mopped floors with his work shoes (we are a shoes off house with young kids too).

The smell of fish haunted my pregnancy nose all night! More hassle than it was worth 🫠

YABVU. Clean your own house and be grateful you’ve got someone to babysit for free.

Is it HER swimming stuff? And HER schoolbag? If not then it's not tidying up after HERSELF, it's tidying up the belongings of your children, the children she's minding for a bit to help out!