AIBU to expect some tidying from MIL while babysitting at ours?

[Sofitella]

AIBU to think my MIL could really do a bit of tidying when she is at our house looking after DC?

Just got home from a business trip and DH had asked her if she could help put DC to bed and supervise until we both got home. I come in from a day that started at 5am and a 3 hour journey home to find the house in a complete tip, dirty dishes, dogs not been let out, DC school bags, swimming bags with wet clothes in etc all just dumped on the floor, she’s lying on the sofa reading.

Now I totally understand that she’s doing us a favour and doesn’t have to do anything…but would you do that? I know I definitely wouldn’t, and if I had some time to kill once the kids are in bed I’d help out by at least sorting out the mess which had occurred on my watch!

Now have to start a major tidy up and I’m so exhausted 😔, and DC are complaining that they haven’t had enough to drink and are thirsty in bed and need water!

My own mum would have swooped in and everything would be done and spotless and a cup of tea offered on arrival.

I was ascribing to sarcasm not feminism.
DH probably said to his mum see to the kids you don't have to do anything else. Showing more respect for the sisterhood than OP.
And as I said in my post it can't have been that bad if she's had time to rant on Mumsnet all evening.

I would swap places with you instantly to have a family member who would come and look after my kids. The 'mess' is only stuff you would have to deal with if you were there anyway.

As someone who had zero babysitting help, ever, YABU. It might not be ideal but she's doing you a big favour.

This thread has gone exactly the way I thought it would.

My mum would have tidied up too. And I would tidy up for my children and grandchildren. I’d probably have a lasagne in the oven too.

I remember my mum babysitting when I was pregnant and I had to go home as I had a funny turn at my till (think suddenly zoning out and becoming confused). I got home to my house being an absolute tip too. Not great

I sympathise! I have come to accept it is what it is - we probably don't take up as many offers as help from my DH parents as we could because it takes hours to tidy up when they are gone.

In my ideal world they would just maybe try and put a few toys away before letting the kids get out more, or move their dirty plates and cups into the kitchen - little things. I wouldn't expect them to clear up any mess that was already there.

But they don't and I would never ask because they are doing us a favour - it's the price we pay I suppose.

I spent half my teens and early twenties babysitting for my sister's kids (unpaid). According to my mum, I was a lazy teen but I still tidied, washed dishes, did laundry and cooked for the kids and adults. I didn't vacuum or clean bathrooms though.

It is fine, but it’s annoying and stressful to come home to a big mess after being awake early in the morning and traveling all day. I would seek out other care in the future if it bothered me.

Go on less business trips?

oh yes boss sorry I can’t go to that conference in Geneva on thursday, I have to be at home to put the swimming kit in the washing machine because my MIL isn’t able to

those ‘business trips’ pay the bill you idiot

No! The entire point of feminism is not to expect women to skivvy for each other as much as they have done for men. The entire point of feminism was that women would be see as equal to men in society, that these jobs are not seen as womens work, yet where are the expectations on the men here? Everyone posting about what a marvellous skivvy their own mother is, but don't mention their fathers, because the expectation is STILL entirely different.

If you don't like the quality of the free childcare that you've been given, then don't avail yourself of it, and pay for a childminder instead.

Why arent you irritated at your husband for not doing this stuff, and mobilising the children to pick up after themselves? Absolutely I would expect the MIL to perhaps supervise the kids to unpack the wet swimming togs, or to wash up her plate and glass if she had something to eat, but tidying up and washing up all the mess? No, absolutely not! She's a kind relative doing you a favour, not unpaid domestic help.

My MIL baby sat for one hour for an emergency baby scan. Cleaner had literally just left a few hours prior. Came home to their fish supper in our bagless recycling bin, fish stuck to the sides- our rubbish bin is right next to it! Dirty juice cans left on the side and plates piled up above our empty dishwasher, house was absolutely stinking. 😂

Yes, absolutely right.

But why shouldn't the kids have took their wet swimming stuff out and put in washing machine

For once a problem easily solved - don’t ask her again.

But I bet you will.

YADNBU
She sounds a bit ignorant and/or lazy to me.
I don’t know anyone who would leave wet swimming gear in bags.

Tell that to your kids then.

I sympathise with coming home after a long day to a messy house. But don’t lay this as your MIL’s door. Looking after small children probably takes a lot out of her. Perhaps your mum would have tidied alongside that, which would be wonderful. But it’s absolutely not something you can expect MIL to do while caring for small children. You say that you would do that if you were in her position. I hope that in 3 decades time you have the energy for that. But at this stage you have no idea what your body will and won’t be capable of then.

Wow. That's quite some level of entitlement.

Our youngest have always known soon as they get in empty bags, swimming stuff and dirty school bits in washing machine, lunch boxes drinks cups etc in dishwasher and anything used at tea time that's from all ages 3-16 ...so no I wouldn't expect my mum or mil to do it other than let dogs out but they never need asked to do that

I voted AIBU as I think you shouldn't expect it.
BUT I get how annoying it is. When my parents look after my DC (its usually overnight as they live so far away), the house looks like a hurricane went through it. I'm not asking them to tidy my house if its messy before hand or have it pristine, all that would be nice is if they tidied up after themselves / the children if they are looking after them so I don't then have a few hours of sorting it all out again.

I’d be annoyed she hadn’t let the dogs out …but how do you know she hadn’t let them out ?
Did they do wees in the house ?
I know if it were me looking after grandchildren then I’d let dogs out , pop a wash on with the swimming things , and clear away the worst of the dinner dishes .
And yes I’m older but I could not stand sitting in a mess

I am astonished by how ungrateful you are.

It's a huge favour to take two kids that age swimming, give them dinner and put them to bed. God forbid she relax and read a book afterwards!

We don't have anyone to do this for us so either one of us has to say no to a work commitment which clashes with the other's or we call in a favour from a school parent who definitely won't do our washing, washing up and make us a cuppa 😅

Oh that’s not on !!