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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect some tidying from MIL while babysitting at ours?

232 replies

Sofitella · 14/05/2026 21:15

AIBU to think my MIL could really do a bit of tidying when she is at our house looking after DC?

Just got home from a business trip and DH had asked her if she could help put DC to bed and supervise until we both got home. I come in from a day that started at 5am and a 3 hour journey home to find the house in a complete tip, dirty dishes, dogs not been let out, DC school bags, swimming bags with wet clothes in etc all just dumped on the floor, she’s lying on the sofa reading.

Now I totally understand that she’s doing us a favour and doesn’t have to do anything…but would you do that? I know I definitely wouldn’t, and if I had some time to kill once the kids are in bed I’d help out by at least sorting out the mess which had occurred on my watch!

Now have to start a major tidy up and I’m so exhausted 😔, and DC are complaining that they haven’t had enough to drink and are thirsty in bed and need water!

My own mum would have swooped in and everything would be done and spotless and a cup of tea offered on arrival.

OP posts:
GrandmasCat · 14/05/2026 21:33

Sofitella · 14/05/2026 21:22

@westcott I don’t think tidying up after yourself is being a housemaid

I bet my last penny that she didn’t make all that mess herself.

How old are your children? Old enough to make their own beds and unpack their bags or do you do everything for them? If so having them day and night for days explains why she is exhausted reading on the sofa while you are just exhausted of sitting in a plane with no distractions for some hours.

Now, the dogs… they should have been let out. But if you expected her to walk them too, you should have got a dog walker.

Shinyandnew1 · 14/05/2026 21:33

I would ask her to please let the dogs out, but I wouldn’t expect her to be sorting things like swimming bags!

what a mum can do is often not welcomed by a MIL, so I don’t blame her for not wanting to interfere.

Surely your kids know to get up and ask for/make a drink of water?

TheyGrewUp · 14/05/2026 21:34

She sounds just like MIL @Sofitella who played with the DC and would give them a tea I had prepared, with instructions and would have bathed them and put them to bed. However, she wouldn't have wiped the table, put the dishes in the dishwasher or emptied a swimming bag. And she'd have sat, waiting for me to make her a drink as soon as I got home.

My mother would have done all that, mopped the floor, hoovered and poured me a glass of wine.

MIL was grubby and lazy. Mother wasn't. MIL was better with the DC though.

When the DC were tinies they were early 60s and retired I'm now mid 60s and still working. I'd do tea, bath stories bed, clear up in the kitchen and sort out the swimming/PE kit. I wouldn't mop or hoover but I'd hand you a glass and put your dinner in the microwave. Then scarper home or to bed asap.

THisbackwithavengeance · 14/05/2026 21:35

My mum would’ve have the place cleaned, washing done and ironed and a meal waiting.

But yeah, you can’t insist..

Bitzee · 14/05/2026 21:35

AppleKatie · 14/05/2026 21:17

I won’t deny it would be nice if she did, but you absolutely can’t insist or expect her to.

and your kids are asking for water because you’ve been away and they are missing interacting with you not because they are genuinely thirsty- enjoy the cuddle and then pour a glass of wine as you stick the washing machine on.

And yes absolutely this about the kids still being up and asking for water.

Jk987 · 14/05/2026 21:36

Why is it on you to sort it, what about DH?

Depends how full on the children were. It might have taken all her time and energy to get them fed and upstairs to bed!
It’s not nice coming home to a mess though.

GrandmasCat · 14/05/2026 21:41

“My mother would have done all that, mopped the floor, hoovered and poured me a glass of wine.”

My mother would have said fuck that, get a cleaner, there are some left overs in the fridge and here’s the bill for the take aways/cafe/ice cream while wondering what I brought her from abroad as a gift. 🤣

TheCompactPussycat · 14/05/2026 21:43

Sofitella · 14/05/2026 21:22

@westcott I don’t think tidying up after yourself is being a housemaid

In what sense is she not tidying up after herself?

It sounds like the mess was created by your children so it's your mess, not hers.

If your mum chooses to run around tidying up her adult daughter's mess, that's her choice. I wonder whether your mum running around after you has meant you've lost sight of what is reasonable.

BridgetJonesV2 · 14/05/2026 21:45

Not letting a dog out for a wee is beyond cruel, I'd have gone mental at that. The rest, meh.

Politicszz · 14/05/2026 21:45

So much to do yet you find the time to have a whine to strangers on the internet!

BudgetBuster · 14/05/2026 21:45

Where is your DH?
What time did you get in?
Did you specifically tell her she needed to let the dogs out?
How many kids?
How long has she been there?
How old is she?

There's a lot of variables! I certainly wouldn't expect her to do swimbags, schoolbag etc.

Your kids were looked after, fed, put to bed.

If you want the exceptional treatment then next time ask your own mother.

Lyra25 · 14/05/2026 21:47

Only issue is not letting the dogs out
If your DH had been around while you were away, perhaps it’s him that shouldn’t done more to keep order

Imthefunfriend · 14/05/2026 21:48

Dalmationday · 14/05/2026 21:19

Everyone else is saying YABU but I clicked YANBU. A grown adult leaving wet swimming stuff in a bag on the floor. It’s disrespectful and lazy.

i know all the folk will be here soon saying mothers and mother in laws are older and tired etc can’t do things like that. But fuck yes they can. Put the plates in the dishwasher you lazy Deborah!!

You lazy Deborah???? WTAF! I hate these misogynistic slurs.

Yes YABU OP. Jeez, try living a life with zero help and then you might realise how lucky you actually are.

dottymac · 14/05/2026 21:49

JESUS WEPT - are you for real?!

ShanghaiDiva · 14/05/2026 21:51

she could have got the children to sort swimming bags, clear the table etc.
my mum would have done everything and found a basket of ironing to sort!
my mil would have cleared away too and got me a g and t!

Tillow4ever · 14/05/2026 21:51

Agree with the majority - she should have let the dogs out, but no need to do more than that. Maybe if you were paying her… but I presume you weren’t? So she gave up her time to help you out and all you can do is moan.

How old are your kids? I’d expect them to be putting their swimming stiff straight into the laundry basket, of not the washing machine itself. They should know where to put the school bags, as presumably they put those away every other day? How many dirty dishes were there, and how many were from MIL?

Dunnocantthinkofone · 14/05/2026 21:51

Agree - not letting the dog out was unacceptable and cruel. Although my mother would have had to be expressly told to do it or she wouldn’t have realised. F”cking hopeless with animals, rather than cruel or lazy though!

Where is DH? Home before or after you? I do think you seem to have fallen into a woman=family drudge mindset OP

Surely your school kids could get their own glass of water ffs! And if you’ve permanently let them hurl their stuff on the floor and just meekly tidied for them, well you do tend to reap what you sow there! Why is it you doing a cleaning mission now - that’s a pretty martyred move late at night after a business trip too - where’s OH and how is this not his problem too?

Shouldgivethisup · 14/05/2026 21:53

Are the kids not used to sorting their stuff out? How tiny are they? When did you DH get home? Why didn’t the kids put the dishes in the dishwasher to help out their nan? We were taught to help anyone caring for us…

Allseeingallknowing · 14/05/2026 21:54

Haven’t we had this post before?

measuretwicecutonce · 14/05/2026 21:54

Where was your DH?
Why haven’t your DC been taught to take their swim stuff out as soon as they get in?
Perhaps ask FIL next time, but oh no wait …..

Sick and tired of these threads from women complaining about other women not doing their child caring and cleaning for them. Let’s just blame other women. How about the men step up for once!

Peonies12 · 14/05/2026 21:56

YABU shes not your maid

buttery8 · 14/05/2026 22:01

My mum is like this. Every date night me and my husband would have would come back to a bomb site. She rarely babysits anymore as I can’t handle the mess she leaves it’s just not worth it

Northbynorthbest · 14/05/2026 22:06

Unbelievable! She's doing you a great favour and yet you expect more from her?!?
Your kids are school age so they're old enough to be able to put their school bags away, leave swimwear in a laundry bag and tidy away toys etc.

Golightly133 · 14/05/2026 22:07

I would definitely leave it ready for you to come home and chill after a long day like that. I always try and leave my daughter organised and a step ahead. Sounds awful tbh

Original poster
Sofitella · 14/05/2026 22:10

DH is also away at a meeting until late

DC are 4 and 6, they will put things away but they need instructions

Maybe I’ve been spoiled by my own mum. But I would help someone out in this situation and feel bad if I left a mess, I wouldn’t be able to relax and leave it all for someone in my family no. I’d at least sort out what had been created since I was in charge.

MIL is retired and fit and healthy.

OP posts: