AIBU to expect some tidying from MIL while babysitting at ours?

[Sofitella]

AIBU to think my MIL could really do a bit of tidying when she is at our house looking after DC?

Just got home from a business trip and DH had asked her if she could help put DC to bed and supervise until we both got home. I come in from a day that started at 5am and a 3 hour journey home to find the house in a complete tip, dirty dishes, dogs not been let out, DC school bags, swimming bags with wet clothes in etc all just dumped on the floor, she’s lying on the sofa reading.

Now I totally understand that she’s doing us a favour and doesn’t have to do anything…but would you do that? I know I definitely wouldn’t, and if I had some time to kill once the kids are in bed I’d help out by at least sorting out the mess which had occurred on my watch!

Now have to start a major tidy up and I’m so exhausted 😔, and DC are complaining that they haven’t had enough to drink and are thirsty in bed and need water!

My own mum would have swooped in and everything would be done and spotless and a cup of tea offered on arrival.

So why isn’t it your own übermamma helping @Sofitella ?
if your dc are old enough to swim with school, they are old enough to acknowledge the appalling rudeness of their bag and kit dumping behaviour.

Spoiled by your mum? Sounds it, and created self entitled monsters of your own!

Jeez I don't even empty my own swimming straight away.

How old are the kids. Old enough to tidy up after themselves and get a glass of water?

Plenty on here moan about their own partners not tidying up whilst looking after their own kids. Might be a stretch to expect that of unpaid help.

Wouldn't be an unreasonable expectation of a well paid nanny.

Spoiled by your mum, yes
And conditioned by her actions across the years to believe that all drudgery should be supplied by any available woman in the family.
As it happens, I WOULD have tidied. You’re utterly unreasonable though, as you quite clearly stated in the title of your thread to ‘expect’ it
It makes you sound like a spoilt, ungrateful cow quite honestly

@Dunnocantthinkofone ok

Sounds like you and DH need to sort your work schedules and be more present in your own home....you are clearly wanting it all but getting stressed because it's too much to juggle high flying careers, young kids, dogs keeping the house tidy all at once.Ultimately it has been your choice to have all those things though, and sounds like something needs to give.It is not for your MIL to pick up your pieces.If she had to collect the kids from school, get their tea and do bedtime routines then she was probably shattered at the end of it and just wanted abit of a sit down and time to herself!
Sometimes as a parent, basic things like sorting out their swimming gear need to be on you.

I think it depends on what a shithole your house is in general. I've looked after kids in other peoples houses and if its clean and tidy I will pick up any mess. But I've also looked around at other proples houses and I wouldn't even know where to start so am not doing anything

I provide childcare for both my daughter's children and my son's children.
I do so happily and with love.
I don't do their housework.
Why? Because I don't want to.

‘Disrespectful’ get a grip

The poor dogs! The rest, nah, she does what she wants to do as a fav.
Personally speaking, unless overwhelmed, I'd tidy up after myself with dishes but no more. I would however probably make more of a fuss with the dogs, they're cuter than putting the washing on.

Dogs let out and her own mess tidied but otherwise no. I have occasionally put clothes that were drying on a drier away for DB and SIL but that’s as far as it goes.

You and your DH need to do the housework … be fucking grateful your MIL helps you at all - you’re very cheeky and entitled

While it’s not ideal, she’s doing you a favour so just put up with it.

Entitlement comes in all forms, I suppose.

Exactly. Women are still viewed as domestic appliances it would seem. All this competitive - "Well MY mother would have done the laundry, ironed, vacuumed, mopped the floor, made dinner and poured me a g&t". Is that how we value older women in the 21st century? Are they only worth the space they occupy if martyred to the cause of domestic drudgery? And the men? They seem to get off scot free. What a depressing thread - I thought we'd moved past seeing women, particularly older women, as service humans.

I would have done what your mum does. But going by your posts if your mil had done any cleaning you would probably be on here moaning that she had been snooping.
Can't have been that bad anyway you've had plenty of time to get on here moaning. Not bad for a high flying career woman with little time.

She should have let the dogs out, 100%. Not to do that is just cruel.

The rest of it, meh. You got free child care when you needed it and you need to spend 5 minutes throwing stuff in the washing machine and dishwasher. Is it that big a deal?

And in any case, was the house really a "complete tip" and did you really have to "start a major tidy-up" when you got in? How many rooms did your 6 year old and a 4 year old destroy between getting back from school and you getting home?

Its a no win situation when your doing child care for grandkids, tidy up ,empty dishwasher etc its somehow a criticism of their house standards. Do nothing ,then why are you bring lazy.
Honestly its a horrible position to be in especially as the son parent .

You mentioned the dog not being let out .,how did you know this? Had the dog been at home all day on its own ?

Free childcare and it still isn’t enough. Your Mil should have left your dh to it. No gratitude!

I want to hear the dogs' take on this. Sounds likely to be the most reasonable witness.

Yeah, and that OP was paying her mum who couldn't even be arsed to put her dirty cups in the dishwasher!

Good to see you're taking responses on board, OP 🙄

I hope she never babysits for you again, OP. She's there to look after youyr children,not sort out your house. Do your own tidying!

How do you know dogs haven’t been let out ?

yes tbh dirty dishes from guessing tea would have been nice to be in dishwasher

kids need to learn to put school bags in their place in hall /chair etc

did she take them swimming or maybe she didn’t know they did it at school so wouldn’t go through their bags