To wonder what this school mum has been saying about me

[Aintgotnomama]

There's a school Mum that I've known for a few years. She's recently been acting strange around me. I suspect I know why and I'll explain shortly. I've also noticed that the other mums who are close with her have also being acting strange with me. They are giving off 'mean girl' vibes and it has me pondering what on earth has been said to them.

We all see eachother a lot due to clubs, parties, school runs etc. I'm happy to say a pleasant hi/bye, keep it simple and will continue to do so.

They have all been incredibly hostile for a while. I've ignored it and focused on my own happenings as I have too many real problems in my life to give this too much head space however, they are really rude and it's getting a bit weird.

I suspect this behaviour has stemmed from me missing the 'main culprits' childs' party. Of course it wasn't a great thing to do. I mixed up my days thinking the party was on a Sunday when it was actually the Saturday. I seen the bday Mum make a fb post, on the Sat and realised my mistake. I instantly messaged the Mum to apologise. Bday Mum didn't respond.

In my defence, I had 5 different kids parties that month, including my own child's to organise. I was 4 weeks into a new career and up to my eyeballs with training. I have a demyelinating chronic disease that flared up and hospitalised me for 2 days that same week requiring some invasive treatment and my head was all over the place trying to juggle everything. A mixed up in days was an honest mistake given the stress I was under.

I then noticed I was deleted on fb by bday Mum and a few others. Fine, we weren't that close so it's understandable. They also left some joint WhatsApp groups.

Then came the more hostile behaviour from bday Mum. 'Growling' acting 'standoffish' going to weird lengths to avoid contact and interactions. The other parents in her circle started behaving the same way towards me.

It's all a bit bizarre really and I won't be acting on it because I'ts all very batshit and have real life problems to deal with.

But aibu to find this all very childish and unnecessary? I really can't understand why grown woman would feel the need to act like this, especially the ones I don't really know and are following what the bday Mum had told them.

Growling does mean like a dog where im from (as in quietly barking!)😂

Please just ignore them, life is so short and far too short to let anyone bring you down. There will always be Mum’s on the school run like this and no doubt they haven’t moved on from being ‘mean girls’ in school.

If they do anything that makes the school run worse (as in actual rude comments), I would report that to the school as you shouldn’t be made to feel like this on the school run.

Ignore, say hi to the nice Mums and don’t give them a second of your time.

Is this an episode of Motherland? It should be!

What has the OP done wrong?

Gave a shit about those morons who behave like teenagers. She let it bother her, that is what.

It doesn't make her in the wrong because it bothered her ffs 😂

This is horrible OP. Do you have many years left? Are there other people there to say hello to?

My advice; don't smile or say hello. A mum began behaving like this to me - not for the same reasons but similarly ridiculous. For a while I'd give a bright smile of recognition when I came face to face with her and she would scowl and blank me. This happened multiple times even in group setting where I was new and she knew people.

I then realised she was enjoying it (and these women likely are too).

I resurrected my inner teenager and gave her a cold dismissive stare when we next came into contact. I forgot how much fun it was being a moody cow! (I have a local business which is very community focused and I feel I spend my time beaming at people and asking how they are.) She looked totally taken aback, that was the really odd thing. I have kept it going immature petty cow that I am, always ensuring I've a smirk on my face when I walk by her.

Give it a go.

I’m wondering if your apology was really enough or if it didn’t sound particularly sorry.
It it was like ‘whoops, sorry I forgot the kids’ party at the weekend, completely went out of my mind. What am I like! Lol.’
or ‘l’m so sorry I forgot the party at the weekend, we’ve had a horrendous time lately and I’m afraid I completely lost track of things. Can I make it up to xxx (child) in any way — an outing or a little gift?’ And if you lost money because of it please let me know and I’ll pay you back. ‘
Best wishes
The second one might be laying it on a bit thick but it does sound as if you are indeed sorry.

Whilst I agree being in hospital is a perfectly understandable reason for forgetting, it doesn't mean that there isn't a right way to apologise for the upset to the birthday child who expected a friend there (and the parents who budgeted and planned around said child attending).

My question/point was that a short message to apologise, explain and correct would go over better than a long list of reasons for missing it whereas making 80% IF the message was 80% talking about the OPs problems, it is unnecessary and not something most people want or need to know for a missed birthday party.

As for what can be done now, it depends on what you want to happen.
If you really want to improve things you should probably apologise again, with more of an explanation if necessary.
Or you can let it stand, things might improve in time, people move on or forget.

yeah….as in “she’s a growler” lol

This is actually insane. OP was in hospital. That's it, the end. She doesn't need to beg for forgiveness or buy presents.

I seen the bday Mum make a fb post, on the Sat and realised my mistake. I instantly messaged the Mum to apologise. Bday Mum didn't respond

I don't understand why people get caught up in all the school mum drama. I don't think I ever knew any of the names of the other mums at DS's school. And fairly soon DS was making his own way to and from school so I didn't have to go there at all.

There's no rule to say you have to interact with these muppets. You're there to do one job, one job only...to pick your little darlings up from school.
If it bothers you just be on a call on your mobile when you walk into the playground (even if you aren't!). Just talk as if you have a busy social life, something incurable or busy work life. Put your hand up to block any of them if they approach.

Deleted posted in error

@2penceI can’t believe you posted to reprimand the OP about her use of a Scottish expression and then included your own little faux pas.

“you could grasp the nettle”

It’s grasp the mettle!

Likely originated from a poem of 1753.

I’m howling here, pun intended! 🤣🤣🤣

She wasn't in hospital on the day of the party, she was in hospital earlier in the week.

it was one of many reasons why OP was all over the place (quite fairly).

what I've said 3 times now is that noine begrudges anyone forgetting but it only needs a short message to say sorry, forgot as ive had a lot on, i hope birthday child had fun. Doesn't/shouldn't be excessively long. And it's unclear what sort of message OP sent. My opinion is that a long message on the day of my child's party would have been excessive

Thank you for everyone that took the time to explain what I meant with Growling. The world would be a boring place if we were all the same 😉

I messaged the bday parent on the day of the party apologising and explaining that I mixed the days up and hoped that the child had a good time at the party. I didn't elaborate any further at that point as I assumed they would be busy and we could catch up later.

It was a full class soft play party and my plan was to offer to pay for the missed place and bring the other childs gift to my own child's party to give them. I was hoping to arrange this when the parent replied however, they completely ignored my apology message. They also didn't show up to my child's party and started going to strange lengths to avoid any interactions.

I'm not wanting to be friends with these people. Our children are friends and attend a lot of clubs together so interactions are inevitable. It would be nice to not have to deal with playground behaviour when I have so much else to worry about. It's just a little frustrating that it has got to this point.

I will continue to rise above and keep doing what I'm doing until the kids are old enough to navigate these situations without parental involvement.

When you pass them and if anyone makes a sour face or scowls stop and ask them directly if they are okay, forgetting a party definitely doesnt warrant this level of pettiness. I would approach them concerned/confused and ask what's going on directly. I know everyone's saying to ignore them but I couldn't, I would refuse to move until I got to the bottom of what their problem is, the more you seem a pushover with these idiots the more they will keep going. I cant believe the other mums even backing this lunatic up over a bloody childs party.

Everyone saying you should have apologised more, etc, seems to be missing the point. Getting the days mixed up and missing a party does not warrant this all this absurd behaviour.

It's easy to say ignore, rise above it, etc. And that is probably the best approach. But I suspect most of us would be at least a little upset to be treated in this way by our peers.

How fucking embarrassing from them. You should consider yourself lucky they've weeded themselves out of your life because who the fuck wants to deal with that on a daily basis.

If they growl at you again just start barking at them.

I couldn’t even muster the energy to care about people who are not even friends. Just ignore them! The only thing you have in common is your kids go to the same school. It doesn’t give them a rites of passage to your time.

Growling- narrowing eyes and giving someone a filthy look

Oxter- armpit

piece n jam - jam sandwich

Very commonly used west coast Scotland- Ayrshire and the likes.

‘Ar yoo pure growling at me?’

Please elaborate on the "growling."😄🍿

Also I’m pretty sure if I had that reaction to a mum mixing up the date of my kid’s party and then tried to get all the other mums to delete the person from Facebook and growl at said person , that they’d all think I was bat shit.

Yes, thank you.

I feel like im part of an invisible 'war' that I know nothing about. It's bizarre