To wonder what this school mum has been saying about me

[Aintgotnomama]

There's a school Mum that I've known for a few years. She's recently been acting strange around me. I suspect I know why and I'll explain shortly. I've also noticed that the other mums who are close with her have also being acting strange with me. They are giving off 'mean girl' vibes and it has me pondering what on earth has been said to them.

We all see eachother a lot due to clubs, parties, school runs etc. I'm happy to say a pleasant hi/bye, keep it simple and will continue to do so.

They have all been incredibly hostile for a while. I've ignored it and focused on my own happenings as I have too many real problems in my life to give this too much head space however, they are really rude and it's getting a bit weird.

I suspect this behaviour has stemmed from me missing the 'main culprits' childs' party. Of course it wasn't a great thing to do. I mixed up my days thinking the party was on a Sunday when it was actually the Saturday. I seen the bday Mum make a fb post, on the Sat and realised my mistake. I instantly messaged the Mum to apologise. Bday Mum didn't respond.

In my defence, I had 5 different kids parties that month, including my own child's to organise. I was 4 weeks into a new career and up to my eyeballs with training. I have a demyelinating chronic disease that flared up and hospitalised me for 2 days that same week requiring some invasive treatment and my head was all over the place trying to juggle everything. A mixed up in days was an honest mistake given the stress I was under.

I then noticed I was deleted on fb by bday Mum and a few others. Fine, we weren't that close so it's understandable. They also left some joint WhatsApp groups.

Then came the more hostile behaviour from bday Mum. 'Growling' acting 'standoffish' going to weird lengths to avoid contact and interactions. The other parents in her circle started behaving the same way towards me.

It's all a bit bizarre really and I won't be acting on it because I'ts all very batshit and have real life problems to deal with.

But aibu to find this all very childish and unnecessary? I really can't understand why grown woman would feel the need to act like this, especially the ones I don't really know and are following what the bday Mum had told them.

Another possibility is glowering (means similar to scowling)

Petty and spiteful. They sound bored and weak and have just latched onto your understandable party mix-up, as an excuse for drama and mean-girl bullying.

Groups like this are toxic - the others are joining in because as long as Head Mean Girl has it in for you, they are safe. It's pathetic.

I'd not be able to help myself and I'd want to make them feel small and ashamed. Quiet dignity is probably better, but I'd be inclined to take a breath and approach the whole group in the playground and calmly ask what the hostility is about and would they like to discuss the issue?

Minge??? That means something totally different where I’m from! 😳

OP these women are ridiculous. What a fuss over nothing. Rise above it, take the moral high ground, and give them an over the top smile, wave and hello whenever you see them.

People are so immature and hateful, it’s exhausting. I would confront her directly, as museumum suggested. If you clear the air she’ll have absolutely no excuse, and if she’s still got a grudge then you can laugh it off.

That primary school playground where half the mums still behave as though they've never left it themselves.

Days i'll never ever miss.

Omg these comments about the word growling and suggestions as to what OP actually meant 😂 Even after it has been explained as well. She meant growling. Not scowling, not glowering, not an auto correct fail 😂

OP, they're just petty arseholes. All schools have them. Just ignore their shite.

Minge??? That means something totally different where I’m from! 😳

Had to laugh....same here.

Having a minge on your face is definitely for another forum.

The other mums joining in is ridiculous. Believe it or not I've actually got a couple of male neighbours who behave like this. I find it really odd as late dh was a friendly guy, so I'm used to that and I dont expect men to be bitchy, but I guess that's sexist of me as these ones are!

@Aintgotnomama Do you actually need to be friends with these parents? How utterly childish. People make mistakes. Hand over the present and apologise! Find new friends.

Did they show up to your kids party? Or was they not invited?

Just wondering if theres more to it, in a way.

I'd love to hear the other side of this story

Honestly, I'd just shrug and tell myself "who cares?" You made a mistake, you apologised, it happens. I'd find it hard to get that het up about a child's birthday party tbh.

I assume these women aren't your actual friends? You just happen to have kids who go to the same school.

If it were me, I'd do one of two things.
1: Just say a brief "hi" as you pass her, flash a quick closed-lips smile if you want, and keep walking.
2: Pretend you didn't see her and keep walking.

I was puzzled by the slang use of growler for fanny when I first heard it as it knew it as a horse-drawn carriage from Sherlock Holmes.

Anyway, this mother and her friends are being very childish, OP.

The word is glowering. I can see how it made the transition to growling though, same letters. To glower means to scowl, narrow eyes and glare.

Your acceptance of an invitation and then not showing up has been taken as a slight. There’s likely more to it than you’re seeing on the surface and it’s probably linked to the relationships and “status” of the children involved too.

You say it doesn’t bother you but starting a thread here shows it does, anything that involves our children has a primal impact so it’s understandable.

You could grasp the nettle and approach the Mum who felt slighted by you if you’re feeling brave. There’s likely a whole iceberg beneath the behaviour you’re experiencing and feelings have been hurt (child and parent) by your unintended error.

Sometimes it’s the small things that have this butterfly effect. Basic Survival has us favouring a negatively bias so the one person who snubbed us outweighs all the people who showed up to celebrate us and your child’s non-attendance may have had an impact of which you’re currently unaware.

Let is know what you decide to do.

The one thing you could do only if you want to clear things up on your side, would be to reiterate once, without shame or grovelling - and then just leave them to it.

"Hi Mandy, you got a mo? I just wanted to say sorry about the party again. It was a genuine mistake, I had been in hospital that week. Anyway, hope you're good. Lovely day isn't it. Ciao"

What a bunch of weirdos.

They must not have too much interesting things going on in their lives if they're dedicating so much time to this 😂 I would just feel bad for them OP, idiots

It isn't. The OP has already said it's a term used where she's from in Scotland

"In Scottish slang, saying someone is "pure growling" means they are looking someone up and down in a rude, judgmental, or disdainful manner, often giving a dirty look"

Their behaviour is OTT.

Okay it's frustrating if someone forgets a party but to delete someone on socials and instigate a form of group ostracisation for that is bananas. Very mean girl. Very childish.

In the long run I think you've had a lucky escape. I wouldn't even bother to try and say hi or smile at them anymore. Leave them be. What a weird little group!

You can’t rule an in-group without creating an out-group.

Love it. 😆

But aibu to find this all very childish and unnecessary? I really can't understand why grown woman would feel the need to act like this, especially the ones I don't really know and are following what the bday Mum had told them.

YANBU. They wouldn’t be acting like that if they were men.

I don’t know what’s going on but in your position I probably would just stop saying hi and bye and just keep away from them.

When you say you apologised, did you say something like "im so sorry to have missed Xs birthday, unfortunately I got mixed up, ill drop round the card and present this afternoon. I hope X has had a great day and again, I'm really really sorry" or did you say sorry and launch into a massive mitigating factors defence?

The first is a short apology, explanation and effort to refocus on the birthday child. The second is quite me-centric and would annoy me because it would feel like I need to engage properly about your issues when I'm busy with my DCs birthday. If it was park of a pattern of behaviour I wouldn't be making the effort to be friendly anymore. I wouldnt be outright nasty but you did let the kids down and the apology style matters.

When you say you apologised, did you say something like "im so sorry to have missed Xs birthday, unfortunately I got mixed up, ill drop round the card and present this afternoon. I hope X has had a great day and again, I'm really really sorry" or did you say sorry and launch into a massive mitigating factors defence?

The first is a short apology, explanation and effort to refocus on the birthday child. The second is quite me-centric and would annoy me because it would feel like I need to engage properly about your issues when I'm busy with my DCs birthday. If it was park of a pattern of behaviour I wouldn't be making the effort to be friendly anymore. I wouldnt be outright nasty but you did let the kids down and the apology style matters.

I think you mean scowling OP not growling! 🤪🤣🤣