To wonder what this school mum has been saying about me

[Aintgotnomama]

There's a school Mum that I've known for a few years. She's recently been acting strange around me. I suspect I know why and I'll explain shortly. I've also noticed that the other mums who are close with her have also being acting strange with me. They are giving off 'mean girl' vibes and it has me pondering what on earth has been said to them.

We all see eachother a lot due to clubs, parties, school runs etc. I'm happy to say a pleasant hi/bye, keep it simple and will continue to do so.

They have all been incredibly hostile for a while. I've ignored it and focused on my own happenings as I have too many real problems in my life to give this too much head space however, they are really rude and it's getting a bit weird.

I suspect this behaviour has stemmed from me missing the 'main culprits' childs' party. Of course it wasn't a great thing to do. I mixed up my days thinking the party was on a Sunday when it was actually the Saturday. I seen the bday Mum make a fb post, on the Sat and realised my mistake. I instantly messaged the Mum to apologise. Bday Mum didn't respond.

In my defence, I had 5 different kids parties that month, including my own child's to organise. I was 4 weeks into a new career and up to my eyeballs with training. I have a demyelinating chronic disease that flared up and hospitalised me for 2 days that same week requiring some invasive treatment and my head was all over the place trying to juggle everything. A mixed up in days was an honest mistake given the stress I was under.

I then noticed I was deleted on fb by bday Mum and a few others. Fine, we weren't that close so it's understandable. They also left some joint WhatsApp groups.

Then came the more hostile behaviour from bday Mum. 'Growling' acting 'standoffish' going to weird lengths to avoid contact and interactions. The other parents in her circle started behaving the same way towards me.

It's all a bit bizarre really and I won't be acting on it because I'ts all very batshit and have real life problems to deal with.

But aibu to find this all very childish and unnecessary? I really can't understand why grown woman would feel the need to act like this, especially the ones I don't really know and are following what the bday Mum had told them.

I would just focus on your life and ignore them, normal people would understand. Weather they are growing,snarling or just giving you dirty looks its irrelevant they clearly have nothing better to do with their lives other than cause upset. Your fine and your child is fine. F**k the adult playground bullies 💪

I found in Scotland that it's possible to have very little contact with other parents. I realise it depends where you stay. Ours started walking to/from school in P4 and you can drop kids off quickly at events.

I understand her response to all this has upset you, but this post makes it clear that you don’t really give a shit about letting people down, and children at that.
That’s quite sad really, and I think you are probably better off just leaving things (as you intend to) because you’ll only end up in the same situation again.

That’s just crazy! Life happens! My daughter had her 12th birthday party 2 months ago. I had to pay for every individual as they went pottery painting. She invited 8 friends. They all RSVP’d. One’s mum messaged on the morning of the party to say that her DD got sick, apologised and said we will arrange a get together to celebrate my DD’s birthday.
One just didn’t turn up even though I messaged all the mums individually 2 days prior to the party. I was a bit miffed. I first just assumed they were running late and sent her a message saying that we look forward to seeing her and DD. (I never actually met this mum before but we have WhatsApped in a group that I set up to arrange get togethers for 8 friends from primary school.) She wrote back a BS message about an emergency. Her DD messaged my DD later saying that her mum forgot about my DD’s birthday party and went out. No emergency.
That was annoying.
But the mum contacted me afterwards and apologised profusely, she suggested we go to Go Ape together and I agreed, seeing that she was trying to rectify the situation. She wouldn’t even let me pay for my DD’s and my Go Ape tickets. We ended up having a nice day, and we will meet up again for sure.
I think the way they behave towards you in bullying, unreasonable and unacceptable. I’d make 1 attempt to briefly explain what happened and apologise. If that doesn’t clear the air, you’re dealing with a.holes and I’d not waste my time or energy on them! I had a couple of mums in my daughter’s first primary school who were absolutely a.holes and it’s so hard to deal with that nonsense what you have a little one AND a medical condition, I’m the same! You have my compassion!
They’ll fall out with other people too, people like them always do. Just focus your energy on making friends with others that are nice human beings, not idiots like these! Sending hugs 💛✨💝

We dealt with a situation where a mother scorned by something trivial. Then made up a whole bag of stories and ridiculous lies about my wife. Thankfully this mother had no influence on any of the others and was just ignored. But had she had more influence it could have well become the situation you are facing. Can’t believe the people on here trying to defend this behaviour. I suggest you either continue with polite behaviour or just start to ignore them entirely. It may be worth doing a little digging to see what has been said. So that you may get the chance to correct the record, but I doubt this will be of any benefit.

Ridiculously dramatic of the mean girl mum. Last time my DS had a full class party at a soft play place, 2 different parents forgot to bring their kids. 1 messaged to say that they had forgotten and the other didn’t even message. I gave absolutely zero fucks really, it happens. It’s just a soft play party. I forget stuff all the time.

Another one that posts without reading anything first. Maybe try reading the thread (or even my comments) before spouting utter nonsense.

Nothing of what you said is remotely relevant to anything I have said. What do you mean by "happening again?"

She's actively ignored and blocked me and encouraging others to do the same. Would this mob mentality not leave you a little miffed?

How does mixing up dates, and instantly apologising, equate to me not giving a shit about a child?

If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were one of the 'pack' that is following her blindly like a sheep without understand any of the situation at all.

I have read not only all your posts, but all of everyone else’s too. I saying what I see.

I said I understood you being upset about her reaction.
But in the post I quoted you minimised your absence from a party you agreed to attend. You don’t really care. They know that. You are RIGHT to just leave it now and not try to make amends.
The ‘it will happen again’ means if you managed to salvage these friendships (which I agree you shouldn’t, and know you have no intention of trying), you would just piss them off again at some point, because you don’t think it was a big deal, but they do. You have different takes on life and what is important.

Minimised my absence?

I mixed up the dates. I apologised instantly and was blanked/treated badly. Why would I do anything more when I'm essentially being bullied for making an honest mistake?

I said previously that I'm not interested in being friends with these people. That doesn't mean I'm happy to be treated with hostility every time I encounter one of them.

Stop defending bullies. It was a honest mistake and one that I tried to rectify. That wasn't good enough for queen bee and her cronies.

There's NEVER a good reason for bullying. Your reasoning suggests they are justified because apparently "I don't give a shit"

Your comprehension of this entire situation is really poor.

The OP is justifiably taken aback and somewhat hurt by the bizarre rudeness of the schoolmums and the absolute crazy swarming attacks of a bunch if mumsnetters who have decided to make her the villain of the piece.

My apologies to OP. Watching this thread and reading the increasingly hostile and strident ant OP comments has been like watching a crystal form in a beaker when some invisible catalyst has been added. Liquid turns to solid in the blink of an eye. But the participants in the hardening substance are unaware of what is going on.

REGARDLESS of any hypothetical failings of the OP with regards to the tender, tender, sensibilities of a birthday boy and his valiant mother, both tottering under the terrible weight of an all class soft play party and the failure of OP’s five pound tat offering NOTHING excuses the hostility and shunning of the other mothers. That is the issue.

That's ridiculous behaviour from grown women. I'm sorry you are too nice. I would approach her , say what you have said on here and tell her to stop being a bully. As for the other sheep that are bullying you too, catch them one by one and ask what the problem is. After that ignore them all. I hate sad bullies.... you dont need people like that in your life.... good luck.

So growling where im from is a really horrible stare..so im staring at you in a horrid way is growling...saying that..unless they are putting anything in your household..as in paying your bills...let them talk..stare..whatever..

If you don’t want to be friends with them then just ignore them. Carry on saying hello if you like.

This. You need a grown up conversation with the main mum, maybe coffee out and just clear things up. If she and the others are still hostile and unfriendly afterwards then they’ll be this way whatever you do or say.

No, your reading comprehension is really poor. I’ve said it all twice so won’t repeat it. You are wilfully misunderstanding me to try to make yourself feel better.

Jealous cos you have a job. Sujggest you make it clear that they can all take a running jump

They’re a bunch of immature cows. How pathetic some of the other Mothers have taken to treating you awful too.
I would relish every time I seen them giving a cheery Good Morning or Glorious day with a big bright smile then go on your way.

Did you read OP's post?

Or, just ignore the bitch and get on with your life op. In a few short years your kid(s) will be at secondary school and life becomes much more simple with no schoolyard politics. Of course then it’s all hormones and friendship dramas, but that’s fine in teenagers. Not so fine in actual adults. Ignore. Blank. Forget about them.

Hiya, I don’t see it as rewarding the Mum’s bizarre behaviour but giving a gift to a child that’s all. I’d ignore the mum going forward and start afresh with a smile when you see her going forward and something like ‘nice weather isn’t it?’ Or this will go on forever.

Obviously, you give the child a present and offer to cover the costs of the SP place. She could have invited others eg relatives.

The wider issue, though, of ‘why should I when she is in the wrong?’ is interesting and probably more useful in the longer run.

The answer is because if you take offence and cut relationships, you will soon find you have none to cut. That’s your choice but it impacts your D.

For the sake of their children, I observe parents invariably putting up with a great deal
more than they want to or should have to.

And may I suggest it’s a learning point too for parents’ office and human relationships?

I haven't taken any offence or cut any relationship, they have cut me out and bullied me. Why am I going around in circles with this? Have you even read what I've wrote? You can't offer to pay for a spot to someone that won't even speak to you.

The wider issue isn't 'why should I when she is wrong' it's that she is actively avoiding me, making it pretty impossible to give any gift never mind speak with them to offer any sort of explanation or apology.

I stood near her at a recent club and she looked me up and down, or gave me a 'growler' stood up and walked to the other end of the room and spend the rest of the event 'growling' at me. So unnecessary and hostile, how on earth could or would you present 'her majesty' with a gift or an apology if this is how she's acting any time I'm near her?

It would be wrong for me to go against the bday parents wishes and NOW give the gift to the child, when the parent has made it blatantly clean that it's not wanted. I'm not forcing any type of relationship with anyone so she has made her choice and that is fine.

What isn't fine is the aggression and bullying they have started since the whole thing began.

Anyway. I'm done arguing with people that can't comprehend anything I've posted, so I'll leave this for now as it's boring me.

As adults everyone needs to grow up and btw it's "I saw" not "I seen"

Just completely ignore her going forwards. She sounds unhinged so you dodged a bullet.

OP put growling in quotations. In slang, it can be used to describe someone who is angry or upset. He's been growling all day over that bad news.