To wonder what this school mum has been saying about me

[Aintgotnomama]

There's a school Mum that I've known for a few years. She's recently been acting strange around me. I suspect I know why and I'll explain shortly. I've also noticed that the other mums who are close with her have also being acting strange with me. They are giving off 'mean girl' vibes and it has me pondering what on earth has been said to them.

We all see eachother a lot due to clubs, parties, school runs etc. I'm happy to say a pleasant hi/bye, keep it simple and will continue to do so.

They have all been incredibly hostile for a while. I've ignored it and focused on my own happenings as I have too many real problems in my life to give this too much head space however, they are really rude and it's getting a bit weird.

I suspect this behaviour has stemmed from me missing the 'main culprits' childs' party. Of course it wasn't a great thing to do. I mixed up my days thinking the party was on a Sunday when it was actually the Saturday. I seen the bday Mum make a fb post, on the Sat and realised my mistake. I instantly messaged the Mum to apologise. Bday Mum didn't respond.

In my defence, I had 5 different kids parties that month, including my own child's to organise. I was 4 weeks into a new career and up to my eyeballs with training. I have a demyelinating chronic disease that flared up and hospitalised me for 2 days that same week requiring some invasive treatment and my head was all over the place trying to juggle everything. A mixed up in days was an honest mistake given the stress I was under.

I then noticed I was deleted on fb by bday Mum and a few others. Fine, we weren't that close so it's understandable. They also left some joint WhatsApp groups.

Then came the more hostile behaviour from bday Mum. 'Growling' acting 'standoffish' going to weird lengths to avoid contact and interactions. The other parents in her circle started behaving the same way towards me.

It's all a bit bizarre really and I won't be acting on it because I'ts all very batshit and have real life problems to deal with.

But aibu to find this all very childish and unnecessary? I really can't understand why grown woman would feel the need to act like this, especially the ones I don't really know and are following what the bday Mum had told them.

If they were your real friends they would be helping out in your time of need (like hospitalisation!).
Parents forget parties all the time. I've mixed up dates before and have at least one always message before my DS parties to say for whatever reason they can't come anymore (or can now come!). It has always been laughed off in our school circle. Everyone always drops the ball at some point and I can't imagine anyone being so invested in their child party to actually care!
Forget these women.

It is sad that grown woman can be so scstrynand small minded
The party was missed sp did u explain why or did the snarly bitch face behaviour start from that.
Click of people you are better off without.
Thank god for after school care to avoid such shite.

Growling = Scowling in this context people. Let's not get derailed by that!

This mum is a fruit loop OP. Her world clearly revolves around her child and she has no sympathy for the balancing act that many of us are performing which inevitably means a ball is dropped every so often. It's not great that you missed the party, but it's also not the end of the world and you apologised promptly. Unfortunately fruit loop is clearly also a bit of a queen bee so the other mums are falling in line to her overreaction and they are now all excluding you. I'd bet it's there loss rather than yours. You don't need to be friends with all the mums. Try and find the nice, normal and probably less popular ones who will be much better friends and ignore the playground behaviour from this mob.

What type of party was it? How many kids were invited (if you know)? If it’s one that would have cost her money, I could understand her being upset at a no show - but you messaged, explained and apologised, it can happen to the best of us! I don’t know what else she wants.

If it makes you feel better, I forgot my nieces party when the kids were little. The day of the party, my sister had messaged everyone to apologise but the party had to be moved to a new date a few weeks later. No problem. Except that was into a new calendar year and I forgot to write it on my new calendar, and of course the invite still said the original date. It was also the same weekend as my middle son’s birthday week so it just fell out of my mind. She messaged me about 10 mins before the end to say “I take it you aren’t coming then”. Obviously I was profusely apologetic and asked why she hadn’t messaged earlier as we could have jumped in the car and still made it so as not to disappoint my niece. It was Jan 2020 so I promised to take her daughter out for a day trip to make it up to her. Obviously bloody Covid hit so it ended up being summer 2021 that I was finally able to do that.

If you want to try to salvage the friendship, could you offer to take the child out for something as a treat to apologise? Although with how she’s acting I really wouldn’t bother….

Horrible behaviour, OP. You didn't deserve it.

Very odd that people can't accept that 'growl' has a meaning other than their own in Scotland.

Women are their own worst enemies.

We could support each other or... We can start growling* at each other.

Watching my DD navigate the school friendship groups in Secondary school, reminded me that many women seem to never get past this stage.

*love that expression, never heard before, will start using going forwards.

When I’ve thrown a kids party I’ll do a head count half an hour in and unless I’ve had apologies I’d text the parents and make sure everything is ok/ if they’ve forgotten!

I live in Scotland and I thought you meant growling (as in like a dog) too.

Wow and these are adults. It's crazy to think people act like this but you see it time and time again on here...

I had this approximately 15 years ago - totally forgot the party. Apologised and yet the mum could never bring herself to acknowledge me again. In the end I found it faintly ridiculous, now I chuckle at it.

🤣🤣🤣

I knew what you meant OP, definitely a local word used where I grew up.

You're right not to give it headspace and stay civil. These aren't women you'd want to socialise with, and they're only embarrassing themselves with this behaviour.

Do this, every single time.

The derail about the use of the word growling is daft, anyone would think that only posters living in leafy English villages in the South East post on here.

They sound like they’ve got way too much time on their hands.

I live in Scotland and to me growling is someone making dog noises :) Proper lol at the thought of women in the school playground barking at each other

what a petty woman, i would be tempted to say 'are you still angry about me missing x's party?' i have apologised, and i am sorry. were you out of pocket? is there something else you'd like from me? i can't be bothered with secret grudges.

I think you mean scowling?

But yes honestly, it happens. One mum forgot to turn up to my dc's party. I felt sorry for her dc, nothing else! They sound nuts.

Yeah it was probably the party thing. Let the poor woman enjoy her drama, it doesn't sound like she has anything else going on

The shire?? Cos up here thats what I call it when someone glowers at you.

This sounds like what I used to endure at a certain really rural school upi that way- that is next to an old railway line.

I have no time for school mums. Eldest is now in s1 and I am SO FING GLAD that primary is over.

I gave up trying to play along when eldest (17) was in p3.

Its like they get infected with school yard tantrums and all that crap all over again.

Sad OP, unfortunately many people are like this it seems. You made an oversight but you apologised and there should be nothing more to say. It’s a mystery why they want to perpetuate some sort of feud. I had some nice groups including doing trips away together but it only takes someone with a queen bee type attitude to mess it all up. I tend to see people in smaller groups these days and not sweat it if someone seems to go cooler. Life is
too short.

You don't know what growling is, OP.

Who would give a shit about one child missing a birthday party? One less child to deal with, great!

Why are you still saying hello to these people? Be glad you have seen true colours and are out of it!

A growler is a minge where I'm from. These women sound like absolute minges so it totally fits. I've never thrown a birthday party where everyone turned up, shit happens.

@Aintgotnomama Ignore seems the best way forward. If she's so upset because you missed a bday party she's utterly ridiculous. Just focus on other people.