To wonder what this school mum has been saying about me

[Aintgotnomama]

There's a school Mum that I've known for a few years. She's recently been acting strange around me. I suspect I know why and I'll explain shortly. I've also noticed that the other mums who are close with her have also being acting strange with me. They are giving off 'mean girl' vibes and it has me pondering what on earth has been said to them.

We all see eachother a lot due to clubs, parties, school runs etc. I'm happy to say a pleasant hi/bye, keep it simple and will continue to do so.

They have all been incredibly hostile for a while. I've ignored it and focused on my own happenings as I have too many real problems in my life to give this too much head space however, they are really rude and it's getting a bit weird.

I suspect this behaviour has stemmed from me missing the 'main culprits' childs' party. Of course it wasn't a great thing to do. I mixed up my days thinking the party was on a Sunday when it was actually the Saturday. I seen the bday Mum make a fb post, on the Sat and realised my mistake. I instantly messaged the Mum to apologise. Bday Mum didn't respond.

In my defence, I had 5 different kids parties that month, including my own child's to organise. I was 4 weeks into a new career and up to my eyeballs with training. I have a demyelinating chronic disease that flared up and hospitalised me for 2 days that same week requiring some invasive treatment and my head was all over the place trying to juggle everything. A mixed up in days was an honest mistake given the stress I was under.

I then noticed I was deleted on fb by bday Mum and a few others. Fine, we weren't that close so it's understandable. They also left some joint WhatsApp groups.

Then came the more hostile behaviour from bday Mum. 'Growling' acting 'standoffish' going to weird lengths to avoid contact and interactions. The other parents in her circle started behaving the same way towards me.

It's all a bit bizarre really and I won't be acting on it because I'ts all very batshit and have real life problems to deal with.

But aibu to find this all very childish and unnecessary? I really can't understand why grown woman would feel the need to act like this, especially the ones I don't really know and are following what the bday Mum had told them.

Sorry I just read it’s a dialect thing!

Mean mums and totally pathetic of them. Rise above it OP - they are not worth it.

No, she means growling. Its slang used is certain parts of Scotland.

Its funny what people take to be well known until they realise its a local word.

Same here 😂

This nothing more you can do, it’s clearly because of the missed party and is very extreme IMO

@BarbiesDreamHome The OP did say in her first post that she was in hospital 2 days the week of the party - I don’t think she has anything at all to apologise for.

Fuck sake, you can see why there is a Scotsnet when people can't get over regional colloquiallisms. Read the full thread eh. Jesus wept!

OP - they are idiots just ignore them, don't let them know they have upset you. Grey rock. People are weird with the queen bee. Who has time for that!

Glaswegian here - only heard that some of you lot call a fanny a growler when Bo Selecta came on the telly. Its a fanny, fud, muff here.

If you accepted the invitation then just didn’t show up, I hope you delivered the card and the gift for the child at the Monday morning drop off/afternoon pick up? If not, YABU and it’s clear you had no intention of attending - if you had, there’d be a gift and card ready.

If you did give the gift and card after missing the party (accidentally), then YANBU. It’s a mistake anyone could make, and she should have understood and forgiven it.

The main person is bullying you. The others are all following suit. Doing as expected.

It is all incredibly childish. I suspect that, at some point even if it wasn’t the party, it would have been something else that would have triggered this response.
Insecure people bully others. People looking and spoiling for a fight. To point score, to say how good they are compared to you. To get other peoples approval.
I would carry on being very polite, decent and distant. I really would not engage. You are not going to get any sort of apology or even proper dialogue. Let them fester amongst themselves.
And wonder how different it would be if people were just a bit more intelligent, a bit more well, nicer, and spent as much energy in finding and understanding other people as they do in finding fault. The world would be a better place !

Did you use ai to write this. It’s a bit word salady.

She's being utterly pathetic, and I don't care about your reasons for missing the party - you missed it, it was an accident, you apologised as soon as you realised. I get that for the hosting parent it can be annoying, but unless you have a time machine there's really not a lot that you can do about that.

Just ignore them. If you do have a conversation with any of them, just be matter of fact. You missed a party by accident, apologised, and the hosting mum has for some reason decided that she's 14 and should freeze you out. As you're an adult you really couldn't care less as it's pathetic behaviour.

I don’t really have any advice, but I’m going through similar - I have just been iced out and have no actual idea why, I have my suspicions that there’s been some false info regarding me that’s been circulating but other than that I’m at a loss. Drop off is so awkward but I just have chosen to ignore them all, I keep my head down, drop my kids off and leave. I know I haven’t done anything wrong and can hold my head high. Doesn’t mean it isn’t really hurtful though!

Was it an expensive party and/or one that your child was needed for the team or something? Did you offer to pay as you didn't turn up?

Either way, I do think this is excessive. I was extremely annoyed when one of DD's friends didn't turn up to her party and the mum's excuse was that she couldn't get there. But Ill still chat to her when I see her. I might not invite her child to the next (expensive) party though.

When my son was young I never had a single school mum friend. Absolutely wretched bunch. We were all waiting in the playground one day to collect our kids, and one woman took the last puff of her cigarette and threw it at me, while the other one screamed with laughter.

No idea why. That was 2006 and it still bothers me if I think about it. My son wasn't in any dispute with any other child, and I didn't recognise the women, and they won't have known me.

Playground mothers are certainly a breed! Very much easier said than done but don't let them get to you. As for them all taking her word for it (whatever it is) - pathetic.

Smile coldly and carry on.

How many kids were meant to be at this birthday party you missed?

I made a conscious decision when my DC started school not to try and befriend any of the other parents and this is a good example of why.

They are being pathetic OP. Extremely childish. If you’d missed my kid’s party my response would have been to have a bit of a chuckle with you about it, probably give you a boring tale of a time I forgot something similar to make you feel better and then moved on.
ETA: if you’d have given me the hospital context I wouldn’t have laughed, obviously!

I'd outright ask her if you've done something to upset her, say it in front of the other bitches as well. She'll probably be so dumbfounded she won't know what to say, I'd also ask her how come her little sheep have followed suit and wtf is she telling people about you?
Shes obviously saying some pretty vile things about you for the others to be behaving this way, I mean have they not got minds of their own?
If you really want to escalate things you could have a cease and desist letter sent to her.
I absolutely hate women like this it's cruel and hurtful and I really feel for you.
What is wrong with just been polite and kind, bullying like this causes suicides

Honest opinion
Sounds like this mum is a bit sad and more than likely loves a bit of drama and looks like she is using u as her entertainment!
Normal people would have replied to message and said ! AHH thanks for letting me know and don't worry we all get mixed up sometimes !
She obviously is a nasty bit of work and the others who are going along with it are bloody sheep !
Hold your head up high and ignore u haven't done anything wrong x

Don't worry if she's growling, her bark's probably worse than her bite. More seriously, I think there's something about school playgrounds that makes people regress. Try not to let it upset you. It sounds like you've got a lot to contend with already. But I do understand the feeling of being in the dog house with other Mums and not really knowing why.

I wouldn’t.

This is just normal playgroup mean girl mentality.... thankfully I just go in drop/pick up and go. Speak to a couple of the nice mum's.
Personally, life is to short for nasty woman like that. You made a honest mistake.... just ignore them, they will always be like that.
My youngest thankfully only has 2yrs left at primary school 🥳

I know the sort, OP. My son joined a football team when he was young, everyone was absolutely lovely. Until it became apparent that he wasn't as good as the kids who'd played since they could walk. The coaches never approached me to say it wasn't working out or anything. They all just started grouping up and making it obvious I wasn't welcome. Then their kids would start on mine. One of their children was bullying my son's little brother and had started chasing him, to hit him. Because my son (2 years younger than that boy) eventually turned and hit him first, they all lost their shit and made life hell for my children. But... He wouldn't have needed to defend himself had they not poisoned their children against mine and made them feel like they should be 'against' mine... Logic doesn't really come into their mindset. All it would have taken was for a coach to say earlier on, that he's not picking it up fast enough and to, maybe, train more at home and try again at a later date or whatever.

Some school parents, not just mums, are mental and haven't matured past school mentality. It's embarrassing looking from an outsiders view but they've weaponised it and the sheep follow the leader.

Ignore them completely, they'll want you to feel the shun. Act indifferent, you can't do anything about it, you don't care too much other than the initial shock of it, it's just cringe and ridiculous on their part.

I’d recommend killing with kindness.
I knew a woman like this (although luckily, others could see she was batshit) and I used to make a point of giving her a big smile and a friendly “Hi Becky!” she tried her best to ignore me and keep glaring but couldn’t keep it up. Once we ended up on a school trip together and I accidentally made her laugh while I was talking to the teacher, it was hilarious watching her give in to laughter despite herself and the weird grudge she had against me. She seemed to get over it after that, I’m glad because her daughter was lovely and life is too short for silly drama.

Some people have waaaaay too little going on in their lives. And very little in their heads.

Stop saying hi to them and just start pretending they don't exist. It's all very immature behaviour from them.

Sorry, are you all teenage parents?