To wonder what this school mum has been saying about me

[Aintgotnomama]

There's a school Mum that I've known for a few years. She's recently been acting strange around me. I suspect I know why and I'll explain shortly. I've also noticed that the other mums who are close with her have also being acting strange with me. They are giving off 'mean girl' vibes and it has me pondering what on earth has been said to them.

We all see eachother a lot due to clubs, parties, school runs etc. I'm happy to say a pleasant hi/bye, keep it simple and will continue to do so.

They have all been incredibly hostile for a while. I've ignored it and focused on my own happenings as I have too many real problems in my life to give this too much head space however, they are really rude and it's getting a bit weird.

I suspect this behaviour has stemmed from me missing the 'main culprits' childs' party. Of course it wasn't a great thing to do. I mixed up my days thinking the party was on a Sunday when it was actually the Saturday. I seen the bday Mum make a fb post, on the Sat and realised my mistake. I instantly messaged the Mum to apologise. Bday Mum didn't respond.

In my defence, I had 5 different kids parties that month, including my own child's to organise. I was 4 weeks into a new career and up to my eyeballs with training. I have a demyelinating chronic disease that flared up and hospitalised me for 2 days that same week requiring some invasive treatment and my head was all over the place trying to juggle everything. A mixed up in days was an honest mistake given the stress I was under.

I then noticed I was deleted on fb by bday Mum and a few others. Fine, we weren't that close so it's understandable. They also left some joint WhatsApp groups.

Then came the more hostile behaviour from bday Mum. 'Growling' acting 'standoffish' going to weird lengths to avoid contact and interactions. The other parents in her circle started behaving the same way towards me.

It's all a bit bizarre really and I won't be acting on it because I'ts all very batshit and have real life problems to deal with.

But aibu to find this all very childish and unnecessary? I really can't understand why grown woman would feel the need to act like this, especially the ones I don't really know and are following what the bday Mum had told them.

OP, you did put growling in quotations so obviously you did not mean it literally. In slang, it can be used to describe someone who is angry or upset.

I knew you were Scottish as soon as ‘growling’ was mentioned and it’s the 1st time in a VERY long time I’ve laughed out loud on here with some of the comments, OP don’t you know it’s just English posters on here 😂

Im many years on from the childhood parties and being growled at the school gates (god forbid I was a full time working mum) Interestingly EXH never got treated that way… Have you said anything to them, challenged the dirty looks?

Ridiculous behaviour from them, she is quite obviously spiteful and manipulative. I think it’s true that you probably dodged a bullet with them, this woman might have done this over some other issue to you when you had invested years of friendship in the group, so it’s lucky in a way that you’re out now, wait for her to do it to others in the years to come, and you will get sheepish looks from the others when she shows her true colours more widely.
As to what she has said about you. Really the skies the limit if someone a bit cracked wants to turn people against you. Don’t give her any ammunition if you get in touch with her she’ll twist it into you harassing her or something.

Silly behaviour. If she's so offended why not say to you "I'm really annoyed that you didn't tell me till it was too late that Jimmy couldn't come to Tommy's party" and give you a chance to explain the circumstances. Rather than giving you the evils and getting all her friends to do the same. I can honestly barely believe the childishness and pointlessness of this behaviour, and it makes me very glad I no longer have to deal with school gate nonsense!

Just ask point blank "Sorry, but do you have a problem with me? Have I done anything to hurt or upset you? Because I get the impression you are really unhappy with me for some reason and I'd like us to clear the air".
I cannot stand people dodging issues which can be confronted.
You are not bothered about bring friends with them, so do it.

She’s being very petty about the party invite. I remember organising plenty of parties whilst my DDs were in primary school. There was one mum once who got the date wrong and apologised. I accepted the apology and didn’t make an issue of it. Ok, I’d paid for her DD to be there, but it wasn’t really a big deal. There were plenty of others who did come. It was an honest mistake after all.

May I very politely suggest that you do not post in AIBU if you only want answers from people that agree with you, and who may not be very good at seeing both sides of a disagreement, even when the OP has - perhaps unintentionally - told us both sides of the problem they find themselves bothered by.

Yes, I am for real, and I can assure you that if I had realised that you weren't being totally honest in wanting to know why the mother of the birthday child was behaving in such an inexplicable - to you - way, I would not have spent the amount of time on trying to help you that I did. I think that my husband was a little bit disgruntled that I wasn't quite ready (yet) to watch the TV program with him that we intended to watch when we were both available, which I am, of course, not blaming you for at all, as it was entirely my choice.

However, my intention was only to let you know how your - now apparent refusal - to actually be polite enough to let the birthday child's mother know the full reason - which seemed a good reason at the time, and for which I had a lot of sympathy for you - why the Mum might have had her nose put out of joint. What I don't understand now, is why you felt that we Mumsnetters, needed to know the full reasons for your forgetfulness/confusion
when you didn't think that the people you had actually turned down needed that respect?

As you only appeared to want to know what on earth reason that mother and her close friends - who were almost certainly at the party, and had therefore, probably asked the Mum why you hadn't turned up, and hadn't even sent the birthday child a present - could have had
for seeming upset with you. So all I tried to do was expand on your notion that you felt it had something to do with your child not attending the birthday party. That is when you replied to me that you were not

"going to grovel and" [at] "a rude person's feet for forgetting a child's birthday party".

I did not, and would not, consider it "grovelling" to give a reasonably full and factual reason to a person who had not, at that time, been rude to you at all, which, therefore, imo, makes the "rude" part of your statement quoted above,

actually redundant in any case.

I'm afraid that I have to admit that the "ai slop" was all my own work, I have never asked AI to compose anything for me and hell would probably have to freeze over before I would, but I presume that an AI piece would not make as many grammatical errors as I do, especially with the placements of my punctuation, but many thanks for making me giggle at 04:44hrs! Now for my own pity party: my bedbound, and very painful arthritic body has been begging me to lie down and try to get comfortable, for at least the last half an hour, and my Parkinson's brain (with all it's associated muscle problems) is asking me to please give the index finger on my right hand side a well deserved - according to my Parkinsons brain, but obviously not to yours (I'm referring to the "well deserved" on my behalf here) - as I can't take my next Co-careldopa tablet for a couple of hours yet!

My blessings to you OP, I hope that you can become more of a friend to yourself soon, and remember, don't sweat the small stuff 🙏😉

They're in the wrong but you're not great either OP. I would have sent the longer explanation even without a response to the initial short one. The fact that you're so outraged by this suggestion from other PPs leaves me wondering how your general interactions have been with them.

Some strange responses here, OP.

You got your days mixed up and apologised.

That should have been the end of it!

Next time she glowers at you maybe you could just shrug quizzically and turn away. She wants you to be bothered.