Turning up to church wedding just because you can. Would you?

[EWAB]

Everybody knows that if you are in England (rest of UK?) that anybody can turn up at a church and can’t be turned away, from a wedding or baptism for example.

We know that this is a law from the Middle Ages.

But would you?

On any thread on here re: not being invited to wedding or particularly if children aren’t invited someone always suggests to just turn up at the church.

Would someone really do this?

That would be very common in France too. People gather outside the Church or town hall to see the bride or groom arriving. Is this not what being part of a community is?

Whose church do you think it is?

At my wedding we had loads of customers from my parents pub turn up at the church to see us get married - it was lovely! A lot were invited to the evening do anyway, but I had no issue with them coming to see us get married.

I haven’t been in a position where I haven’t been invited to a friends wedding that I would want to go to, but I think if I were, and they were getting married in a church, I’d ask them if they minded me coming to the church to see them get married as i understood they couldn’t invite everyone to the wedding breakfast due to numbers and cost. I couldn’t imagine a friend saying no to that, but if they did I would respect it.

It’s pretty common across the country.

The congregation thinking they’re something special and deserve to be at private family events (whether a wedding or christening) is really fucking weird. Why would you even want to go to an event for someone you don’t know?

<side-eyes>
Do you live in a village or a small town?
Because if you do, you'll learn that 'Community' is a kind of glue. It gets old people lifts to the Horticultural Society when they can no longer drive, and compels people who'd prefer a quiet life to take responsibility and go on the cricket club committee, and ensures that if a single mother breaks her leg and is laid up during her child's GCSEs, someone brings a hot dinner round every evening during the crucial week.

So the very old can still participate, and the cricket club continues to function, and the child passes her GCSEs...

My parents do this fairly regularly when they're invited to the evening do, but not the reception or even when they are friends of the parents or it's someone they know from their church but haven't been invited at all. A church is a public space and as long as you are discreet and sit near the back there's no issue doing it at all. Most people that are church regulars will understand this, and if you are not a regular why should you be allowed to exclude those who are from their space? If you want exclusivity then book a hotel.

I actually didn’t know this was a thing. I’ll put it on my “hobbies to try” list.

While we were waiting in the waiting room for a funeral, a man came along and asked whose funeral it was. He was a member of the church it was being held at. The family friend whose funeral it was was a member of the church and would have been delighted he came.

I was worried about family members I didn't want anywhere near me (for good reason) coming to my DC's christenings, just to prove that I couldn't stop them, but it didn't happen. Not sure if that was because even they realised it would be unacceptable or just that it would have been too much effort.

We did have a couple of people (family of our friend who was a Godmother) come along to the church though. Since they'd travelled quite a long way to be there I felt obliged to invite them along to the get together afterwards which annoyed my parents as I'd not invited everyone they wanted to invite (every member of the family, all their friends, their neighbours etc- you get the picture). If my family had been more normal it wouldn't have bothered me at all as the uninvited guests made it clear they were not expecting to come to the gathering, just wanted to see their family member with her Godchild. My DM did a very loud stage whisper to DF of 'I hadn't realised we could just tell people to just come if they felt like it'. My family are weird.

Absolutely not. It’s very undignified.
If a person had specifically left someone off the invitation list they have their reasons so the person turning up uninvited is embarrassing themselves.
Someone I used to work with had a saying “well if I’m not invited, I shan’t be going” 😂

Jesus. It’s not 1940s Britain anymore.

We spotted a slightly weird elderly-ish/late middle-agedcouple at my FIL's funeral in a rural church. We didn't recognise them but thought they might be some of his many, many contacts across the region through his local politics and charitable work.

Another of his friends recognised the couple and politely sent them packing when we were leaving the church for the reception back at the house. Apparently they are regulars at funerals and wakes of people they don't know.

I got married in a beautiful church that is rarely open to the public in a popular tourist spot.

I was quite surprised when walking back up the aisle with DH to see the back pews filled with quite a few tourists! Then they all came out afterwards and were taking photos of us alongside our photographer.

It was a surprise but quite sweet really.

Exactly. At our church, Christenings <cough> baptisms are carried out during the regular Sunday morning church service so the normal congregation is there anyway. That's the whole point of the thing - to welcome the baby into the Church family.

A christening is a welcome to the church. It is a statement of wanting to be part of that community. Anyone in that community who takes it in that spirit is not the one being unreasonable or sticking their nose in.

Sure - I've done this in the past for people I knew but didn't know well enough to expect an invitation. Just sitting quietly towards the back and don't photobomb. There were some church ladies that used to attend every wedding.

I did it first time in around 1969/70 when my Sunday school teacher got married.

I have always wanted to try doing this at a royal wedding.

When my daughter's reception teacher got married, a group of us with our young children, turned up at the church to wave her and her new husband off and she seemed delighted. It didn't feel weird at the time but who knows what anyone else thought. It is a public declaration the couple is making - it isn't as if they have hired the venue for exclusive use.

But a church is made up of its members. If you want to use the facilities of a church then you have to accept all its members.

Why oh why would they want to attend a service for someone they don’t know? It’s so strange

They are public events. Nothing wrong with sitting quietly at the back. I have never felt the urge myself but some people have.

Maybe they want to see who is joining their church community.

Because they understandably expect they will know the family from that point given the family have asked to be welcomed by the church.

They are NOT private events. That is the whole point. Marriage is a public statement of a legal, personal, and spiritual matter. They have to be public in order to be legal, so that anyone who knows of a reason they can’t be married has an opportunity to say so,

If you just want a private celebration of your love, go off and do that somewhere else, but don’t pretend it is marriage.

Practically no one gets married in church now. DP sings in a church choir. Beautiful church in a smalll town. As a teenager he made £££ by singing at 6 or 7 weddings a week, now it's maybe 2 a year.
I wonder where you are? My C of E parish (central England) has two church buildings-only 1 vicar- and we have 24 (at last count) weddings booked for next year. My friend can't get August '28 because each Saturday is already full.