Turning up to church wedding just because you can. Would you?

[EWAB]

Everybody knows that if you are in England (rest of UK?) that anybody can turn up at a church and can’t be turned away, from a wedding or baptism for example.

We know that this is a law from the Middle Ages.

But would you?

On any thread on here re: not being invited to wedding or particularly if children aren’t invited someone always suggests to just turn up at the church.

Would someone really do this?

A lot of this goes on in villages, or at least the one I grew up in, and the one I currently live in. I think it's quite sweet. Someone from the village is getting married in the church? Expect a bunch of randos who have been around for generations to turn up and sit at the back, particularly if they also have a connection to the church in some way. It's like an unofficial stamp of approval from the village itself.

It used to happen a lot where I’m from, friends and neighbours who haven’t made the cut go to the church or wait outside the church to see the bride and wedding party. I can remember my mums work colleagues being there and thought it was rather lovely.

“…legitimate guests”

I’d say that parishioners attending a church service are legitimate. A church wedding is a public act in front of the parish community. That’s the whole point of reading the banns of marriage. Often church members pray for the couple and see them as part of the church family.

My family are Irish and I accept the conventions are different and over here I get that the congregation often turn up.

I mean someone where perhaps the stepchild has not been invited to a wedding so some people advise that anyone can go to a church or someone’s partner has been invited but they haven’t so again on here people saying just turn up at the church.

Yes, in those days it was a genuine celebration of the marriage and people who didn't know the couple well, but whose paths crossed would go along to see them married and wish them well.

Now it's all a out the "perfect" day and often, seems to me, to miss the point.

Weirder to make it a private event in the first place when it's so much about welcoming them into the church community.

Even if someone did turn up to church uninvited they wouldn’t be welcome to just turn up at the reception

An important part of a baptism is welcoming the child into the fellowship of the church, surely it would be weird if there was no one there to represent that fellowship?

We were married in my mum's village church.
Several people who had known me as a child came to the church to see us get married. They weren't invited but we expected a few would come. They may have asked my mum if it was OK.
Think we offered them all some of the snacks we had laid on at the church
I also used to live in another village right by the church and everyone used to go out and watch the bride arrive.
Possibly more a village thing where people know everyone

No. Women in white dresses but clearly not virgins doing weddings gives me the ick

Coconutter24

Absolutely but I wouldn’t turn up at church either I would die of embarrassment.

Perhaps members of the church congregation coming to show respect to the family. Seems rude to dismiss them as rando's

I was once NFI to a cousins wedding. However as it was close to my house (100s of miles from bride and groom and guests) my aunt instructed me to drive guests from station to the venue. I did actually drive the relatives I liked, but turned down their requests to crash the wedding. So no, if not invited, I won't go.

I am genuinely not talking about the congregation of old ladies from the parish but a disgruntled cousin, cousin’s partner or with a child who hadn’t been invited when half siblings had.

Are you sure it was a private event? It would be a very unusual Christening if it was. What do you think a Christening is for?

Would I personally? No - I'm not interested in people's weddings.

But a church is a public building to which anyone is welcome at any time. I think that important principle may have been lost in the modern age of Insta weddings. It definitely used to be a normal practice in villages - it was where I grew up, and was taken as a compliment to the bride. People would dress up to go and watch. They didn't have TVs or Netflix - it was a special occasion!

If you want total exclusivity and a 'invitation only' policy at your wedding, don't use a church.

I wouldn't see what it achieves in that circumstance. Surely they're really disgruntled at not being invited to the party?

It can't be a private event in a church.

You're all crazy! It's fine. Loads of people came to the church that I hadn't invited and I was really pleased. Loads of work colleagues, lot's of church members. It's an open church service. Lot's took communion. It's their bloody church, not mine.

At my wedding, church friends of my mil ( we married at dh's home church) sat at the back of the church during the wedding and wished us well after the service. It is normal in that community

I'm not sure where you've seen these threads anyway OP? Practically no one gets married in church now. DP sings in a church choir. Beautiful church in a smalll town. As a teenager he made £££ by singing at 6 or 7 weddings a week, now it's maybe 2 a year.

Yes, it was private. Family only. Very lowkey and they still turned up. Just really bizarre because they’d never met this child before in their lives, nor would they ever see her again!

Well if you are getting married in God's house, it's really not up to you who attends, is it? If you want it to be private, hire a registry office or a hotel.

I got married in a church many years ago and discovered halfway through the ceremony the back two pews were full of total strangers who’d turned up to have a nosy at the wedding party etc.
A) get a fucking life and
B) felt very intrusive

Could this be about the post regarding the woman not invited to the boyfriend (of 6 months) son's wedding, despite being asked to help choose a suit.

I posted that a colleague was having a small church wedding mainly due to cost. One woman asked if we (3 of us) could come and see her get out of the car, so we could see her dess. She said yes straight away.

On the day, she stopped to chat with us, saying she was nervous, we told her she looked beautiful (she did). She told us to go in first. It was a beautiful ceremony. We stepped aside for the photographs afterwards, she hugged us all and then went off for the rest of her day. We went off the a bit of shopping, coffee and a sandwich. It was all local, It didn't feel weird at all. Home by 5. I would rate it up there in my favourite weddings.

Absolutely would not turn up with children who were not initially invited. I probably wouldn't turn up without asking, even if to sit at the back. But then I would prefer to go to the ceremony over an evening do.