Turning up to church wedding just because you can. Would you?

[EWAB]

Everybody knows that if you are in England (rest of UK?) that anybody can turn up at a church and can’t be turned away, from a wedding or baptism for example.

We know that this is a law from the Middle Ages.

But would you?

On any thread on here re: not being invited to wedding or particularly if children aren’t invited someone always suggests to just turn up at the church.

Would someone really do this?

Yet they went to church to have their child christened - did they not realise what they were there for.

You've got it the wrong way round - the child and family were sticking their noses into the life of the church and congregation - but that's fine if they got pretty pictures 🙄

Yes, I think there is a definite village element to this, and there is a kind of "wedding voyeur crowd" - usually older people with time on their hands IME.

I think that is kind of harmless, given they are sort of background noise and wouldn't have expected an invitation, nor would they really draw attention.

But I do think that turning up anyway when not invited but you had kind of hoped to be is passive aggressive and honestly a bit lame. I'd be too proud to take one of the "cheap seats" if I knew I wasn't wanted. Yes, you can, of course you can. But why bother at that point?

I was verger at a couple of weddings but I don"t think I would turn up to a random wedding just for fun.

Ah this old trope.

People didn’t care any less about weddings than they do now.

I now can’t believe your point of view. Your family were imposing on someone else’s culture. You can’t think it’s weird for those people to be doing their cultural practices alongside the bits your family are appropriating.

Your family shouldn’t have been sticking their noses in someone else’s religion if they don’t like the way it works. It’s actually offensive.

If you use someone's church you are making it their business.

The whole point of a wedding, or indeed a christening is that it's a PUBLIC declaration of commitment.

I'm from an Irish Catholic background but have lived mainly in the UK. It's perfectly normal, even expected for parishioners and loosely acquainted friends of friends/parents to turn up for a wedding service. There were about 6 of MILs friends at the back of the church for our wedding. I didn't know who they were back then but they were all very friendly and smiley. It's the same for funerals

we are going to a friends son's wedding next week. We are only invited to the evening do but will be very happy at the back of the church during the service to show love and support for the young couple and their families. Then we'll head off and do our own thing until the evening reception starts.

That makes it even worse!

But the church cant hold private events, do you just mean at a time a service wasn't on. welcoming new members of the church is the point of the ceremony so if no members are present who is welcoming the child.

See I don't find that weird. A church is a family and a local congregation might want to see a new 'member' joining up :)

Our wedding was very similar, @PatNoodle. We got married in the village where my MIL lived, in the church where she was very active, and it was lovely to see people from the village at the service, alongside our friends and family. I honestly can’t remember if any of them came to the reception, but as it was a buffet in the village hall, if any of them did come in, it would have been fine.

My dad used to be a church warden, and he and the vicar arrived at the church ahead of a wedding to find the bride’s mum and dad putting name cards in all the pews, women on one side, men on the other, and the vicar very firmly told them that they weren’t allowed to do this, because of the rule outlined in the OP.

It’s not theirs 😂

I’ve certainly heard of people attending funeral services, in the hope of being able to blag a free glass of something/cup of tea/a sandwich/sausage roll or two, at the wake!

It’s pretty common for the parishioners to stay or come along to a wedding, baptism, or funeral service, particularly if the recipient of the sacrament is a member of the church. My sister in law is an active member of her church - plays the organ - volunteers for church activities, etc. and she had a huge turnout of neighbours, the choir, and friends of the church.

After the service she had everyone come over to the church hall next door and served homemade sausage rolls and shortbread with tea and coffee for about an hour before heading off to her reception. It was actually really lovely, and the photographer took some great pictures of everyone celebrating.

Several of my cousin's other side family (so their great aunts that im not related to) came to my wedding to wish us well etc, it was lovely seeing them all at the back. A few of long deceased GD's friends too

Those pesky Christians wanting to celebrate and mark the occasion of welcoming others into their faith. What on earth are they thinking?

When I was at primary school, the church warden would tell me and my friend when there was a wedding so we could sit outside to watch. We wouldn't have gone in.

Yes love a wedding, very popular to do in rural Norfolk.

If it is in a church then it is not totally a private event. Members of a church are entitled to see new members of the church joining.

I am an atheist and do not belong to a church.

I attended a wedding in Italy in an outside courtyard area of a church - a popular tourist spot. The church didn't close to visitors and there were around 20 or so milling around the edges of the ceremony watching and taking pictures!

A church christening is not private. It is normal for some of the congregation to attend to support the family and welcome the child to the church.

It's not whose? The church is the congregations.

Of course its the congregations business. Part of a child being christened is about them becoming a part of that church. The congregation have a part of the service where they acknowledge this child as part of the church family. How dare a family essentially lie to the church and congregation just so little jonny can go to a different school. That is way worse than turning up at a wedding / christening.

At the family church we grew up going to (Home Counties, catholic), elderly parishioners would often pop into the back of weddings. I always thought it was rather nice that they cared!

I am not a church goer now - but if someone regularly attends a church I can’t see a problem with them attending the service!