Turning up to church wedding just because you can. Would you?

[EWAB]

Everybody knows that if you are in England (rest of UK?) that anybody can turn up at a church and can’t be turned away, from a wedding or baptism for example.

We know that this is a law from the Middle Ages.

But would you?

On any thread on here re: not being invited to wedding or particularly if children aren’t invited someone always suggests to just turn up at the church.

Would someone really do this?

Some of my parent's neighbours and other members of the congregation came to the church when I got married. Not actually in the church because it's tiny and was full of invited guests but they were there when I walked in and afterwards. And they're in some of the photos. I thought it was lovely.
I have been at loads of Christenings of people I didn't know, they normally take place as part of a normal Sunday service. As a child my brothers and I thought it was great when there was a baptism because it meant there wouldn't be a boring sermon that week. 😁

Loads of people turned up at the church when we got married. We were quite well known in the community, I worked in a nursery and was a volunteer for Girlguiding, dh volunteered with scouts, so lots of those children and their parents turned up, and there were neighbours and family friends who had known us all our lives who came out to see us.

it’s lovely to have a full church, especially if they know the words/tunes to the hymns and are prepared to sing out!

i have also attended a couple of weddings in churches, of family friends/neighbours children who I grew up with. Despite being a village, the parish church where I grew up is massive, so always ‘spare seats’ available.

Ha I have current experience of this, but for a reason!
My LO sings in a CoE church choir which are booked for every wedding (and often funerals too). LO is too young to be unaccompanied in a setting where I don't know who the attendees are, so I put on a pretty but not too distracting outfit and sit in the side pews.
If anyone looks at me with a 'who is she?', as there's always the 'does anyone know of any just cause etc.' bit to get through, I usually explain to someone on the grooms side who are usually say down well before everyone else. I've had a few relieved sighs (quite what were they concerned about?!) and thanks for letting them know.

We got married in the church I went to as a child. There were actually quite a few local acquaintances (eg school dinner lady, old neighbours, grannies pals, customers from the shop I worked in) who had heard I was getting married and just turned up for the service. I was delighted!

I invited several friends to our church wedding - I was honest with them that there was no space at the reception but they were very welcome at the church. We had drinks and nibbles outside the church before going to the reception so I did get a chance to see/speak to them before they left. It was lovely, I was so happy they came!

I think, having read the thread, there are a couple of different issues here:

• a misunderstanding by some non-churchgoers who nevertheless choose to use a church for weddings and Christenings about the meaning and history of these rites, churches and church communities.
• the distinction between disgruntled, maybe even hostile, relations turning up uninvited at a wedding - that's undesirable, I get that. But if the actual church congregation come to watch, that's a normal tradition in most places and generally a nice one - they're there to celebrate and support on a happy occasion.
• no-one is suggesting anyone can gatecrash the reception! That is a private event. But churches are public, inclusive buildings and everyone is welcome. People who just use the church as a backdrop without attending or joining the community have to understand that - or go to the many other available venues instead.

I'm in a choir which sings at lots of weddings and I have to say - you probably need the local congregation to sing the hymns. Most of the time we are told by the couple that none of the guests will know any hymns and our little choir are the only voices singing.

I got married in a Catholic Church. As others have said there were a cohort of woman who regularly went on a Saturday afternoon to mass - if it happened to be a wedding on at that time - they would just sit at the back.

The lack of understanding of what a congregation and church community are there for, what they represent and the offensive comments about people who turn up to weddings and christenings as being bizarre, rude, creepy, nosy and people using those buildings for there own personal gain with no respect for the faith and community it represents is really really sad.

I have done this once, but it wasn't for nefarious reasons. We were friends with the bride and had been invited to the evening reception, but not the actual church service or main reception. We understood why - we were friends through a club that we all belonged to but she couldn't afford to invite every member plus partners. A few of us wanted to attend the service, though, to witness the actual marriage, so we did just turn up. She was not at all upset and was actually delighted to see us all there. We didn't hang around for the photos, however, as we felt that would be inappropriate.

I definitely wouldn't do it if I thought we weren't going to be welcome though.

For a lot of people a baptism is an excuse for new clothes and a big piss up, sadly!

• a misunderstanding by some non-churchgoers who nevertheless choose to use a church for weddings and Christenings about the meaning and history of these rites, churches and church communities.

Precisely. Back in the days when the only real options were a Church wedding or a basic register office ceremony I can understand why lots of people opted to get married in a Church even if they didn't believe. But these days there are so many choices of wedding venue and style of ceremony that it makes little sense to me why someone who isn't a practising member of a religion would choose a religious service. There are many beautiful venues with good capacity where you can have a personalised ceremony that reflects your own values and beliefs. Same with Baptism. If you aren't religious but want a ceremony to welcome and celebrate your baby, then hold a secular naming ceremony.

However, if you choose a religious ceremony, then you need to respect the beliefs and customs of that religion. Even if you aren't taking the religious element seriously you can hardly complain when the members of that congregation do take their side of things seriously, even if they know that you are just going through the motions. So if you choose to have your baby christened, you may have no intention of actually joining the Church community but you can expect that community to still show up and make their promises because even if those promises mean nothing to you, they do to them.

If you want a scenic backdrop, pick a castle, stately home or a lovely hotel. If you want a ceremony that means something to you but you are not religious, work with a secular celebrant. You aren't limited to a small room in the town hall if you don't want a religious ceremony any more. My DD and her husband wanted a "traditional" wedding but aren't religious and they had a lovely wedding in a fabulous venue with words and music that meant something to them, and no hypocrisy or disrespect to anyone else's beliefs. But if you pick a religious venue then you really can't complain if the religious people there follow their religious and cultural traditions!

This is lovely. I'd like to think I'd be able to do the same with my DD's friends, when/if they get married. I've known them since they were all toddling!

When DH and I watched back our wedding video, I clocked a very smartly dressed elderly lady, quite frail being guided into a pew by one of our ushers with a copy of our wedding service in hand and said to DH 'who is she?' (thinking she was a friend of his family), he replied 'don't know, thought she was from your side of the family!'. I guess she was a member of the public, who just popped into the church to watch the wedding!

Your attitude seems to be that a Church is there for your convenience and to support a social media profile, If there is no intention of showing one's face in Church again then it's totally hypocritical to have a baptism or maybe depending on the school situation locally, until school admission arrives. Attendance tends to increase from September until March where there is a demand for over subscribed schools.

@Sartre I was smiling on the school run this morning thinking about your Granny doing the flowers and the chuppah for weddings.
I can totally see why doing it, making it pretty for the couple brings a ton of happiness.

You are right.

And insta

Completely baffled why anyone is remotely offended by other churchgoers attending a christening. A christening is literally to welcome the child into the Church. It’s a public event.

its not meant to be just a piss up and to get money for the baby

Pisses me off that this only applies to weddings and baptisms, after being banned from my mother’s funeral.

I’m so sorry to hear that. I thought funerals were open too z

I’ve sat at the back of a wedding as I knew the person and was invited to the evening. I asked the person beforehand if it was ok. I was surprised that there was quite a few people at the back who weren’t dressed up and looked like they just came in from the street.

If a funeral is in a church anyone can attend. It's a public space. No one can 'ban' you. However they can make it clear you aren't welcome - just as people can and often do for weddings and baptisms.

A friend's grandchild died this year and the baby's mum told her she wasn't welcome at the funeral (very long, very sad story). My friend could have ignored her and turned up anyway but she didn't want to cause a scene so out of love and respect for her deceased grandson she stayed away.

Of course it's not racist and nasty to ask.

What's a chuppa? = fine
Chuppas sound like some stupid Jewish thing, I hate them already and am unwilling to find out so don't tell me = not fine

I think I would have googled .

My mum (Northern Ireland) would do this if she wanted to see the dress and wish them well! She also has gone to see a granddaughter as a bridesmaid for the photo part but didn’t go into the church that time

No. Whoever has time for that? This is mumsnet. Aren't we all busy multi-tasking mums with barely a spare second?