Turning up to church wedding just because you can. Would you?

[EWAB]

Everybody knows that if you are in England (rest of UK?) that anybody can turn up at a church and can’t be turned away, from a wedding or baptism for example.

We know that this is a law from the Middle Ages.

But would you?

On any thread on here re: not being invited to wedding or particularly if children aren’t invited someone always suggests to just turn up at the church.

Would someone really do this?

When my goddaughter got married in her parish church (in England but a family with strong Irish connections) many of the regular congregation turned out for the wedding service and Nuptial Mass to wish the happy couple well.
In my younger days as a chorister, when church weddings were much more common (fewer alternative venues) we could have a run of three weddings in one afternoon, and there were a regular group of older ladies who would come in and sit at the back; I believe some of them came to funerals as well, but choir was rarely booked for those occasions.

Legally you are allowed to attend church weddings. They are meant to be public events. Nothing wierd… It’s harder now many weddings are at venues. We are invited to evening receptions but can’t go along to the marriage ceremony in the way we would have at a church wedding.

I wouldn't do it to someone I actually know but would I walk into a random wedding for a couple I'd never met just for a laugh? No also, but I would think anyone that did was hilarious.

The wedding couple weren’t known to any of us kids. It’s very weird now I think of it. I do wonder if they knew.

The funeral the whole school went to was our deputy head teacher. I do think they should have just closed the school that day and allowed the teachers to go. She was a lovely lady, but it was quite scary seeing all of the teachers and school staff very upset. The other one was the mum of one of the boys in my class. Would be unheard of now to take an entire class of kids to a funeral.

chopped a bit of my answer - that class went to a wedding at that time of year every year so I don’t think any specific connection to the teacher. Just timing

Why the fuck would you gatecrash the ceremony? It’s the worst bit. If you’re going to gatecrash anything, gatecrash the reception, although I accept that’s more difficult. Worth it though, if there’s a buffet.

I "have a life" too, and through that life know lots of people, including people I am very fond of. As such, it is then lovely to be able to share in the big events in their lives, which would include their wedding ceremony.

I don't think there are many (any?) people who just randomly turn up to the wedding of people they don't know. Most of us on here are talking about either people who are part of the Church congregation, or people we have known for much of their lives (eg our dcs' friends, or our friends' dc), or people we see regularly at a hobby or work who we are really pleased for and delighted to be able to see them get married, but obviously wouldn't expect to have been invited to the whole day. If they didn't want people to come, they wouldn't have shared the date / time / venue with people, would they ?

It's not something people are doing weekly. I said earlier, I have been to two in the last 12 months, but before that it's about 8 or 9 years since I've been at a wedding where I wasn't a guest at the Reception.

Firstly, no-one is "gate-crashing" anything.

Secondly, some of us happen to think the ceremony is the most important and most special part of the day. It is indeed the very thing you are celebrating.

Well, if you attend a wedding that you aren’t invited to, by definition that’s gatecrashing, even if the law says you can technically do so. Do you agree?

No, because people are talking about going to weddings where there is a general, open invitation to people to attend the ceremony, which is what people are doing. Nobody is turning up to the meal without being invited.

Its a public event.
The reception is a private party.

Worse bit do you mean boring?

The service is lovely, a bride turning up, seeing her dress 👗 (probably the most expensive dress she'll ever wear)
The proud parents. What are they wearing
Bridesmaids - colours and style
Choice of hymns

The hopes and dreams for their future together.
Such a happy event

Weddings are the public events so anyone can attend- that is not gatecrashing

Also very few couples will fill a church with invited guests, so a few random respectful folk helps to make the place feel a bit busier.

Just noticed the comment about gatecrashing a buffet - now that is rude, and probably classed as theft, taking food you weren't invited to share.

Gatecrashing means going to a private event without invitation or permission. A wedding ceremony isn’t a private event, you can only gatecrash a reception as that’s the bit you need invitation or permission for.

My church is big and when I was engaged I was planning to spread the word that all are welcome to come along. I know lots of kids love to see a bride I was obsessed when I was a little girl, for example, and some of my mums friends locally asked if they could come along to see. I’d have had no issue with that as long as no one minded they weren’t getting fed after. But the wedding didn’t happen!

I’ve been to quite a few country side weddings when the little church was totally full

Just really bizarre because they’d never met this child before in their lives, nor would they ever see her again!

why on earth would you hold a Christening for a child into a church where you never intend to take that child to again? If not directly lying, you would certainly be doing so by implication in your responses during the service. Perhaps that is why they wanted it private - to assuage their guilt and to avoid being held to account for what they said in the service? They didn’t want independent witnesses?

I have and would again. If it is people I care about. I went to dd2s. Best friend wedding dd2 was a bridesmaid. I sat in the back. Wished the happy couple all the best left a card with a small amount in and went back home. I know from dd2 that they loved I took half a day out to come see them get married. I wouldn't do so for strangers but people I care about absolutely.

I would not push in or sit anywhere near where it suggests I am a invited guest. At our wedding (30 years ago I admit) several of my parents friends came to see us get married they had known me as a child and wanted to see me get married. Some of my cousins as well (I have a lot) I thought it was a lovely thing for them to do.

The law is not a technicality. It is a public event if held in a church

Happens here in rural Wales too. It’s a small community and locals, especially people 50+, often sit in the back of church or up in the gallery in chapels. Not weird at all, all part of the day and there’s also usually a crowd outside the church/chapel. You’ll often see older women who have known the bride, groom or both since they were born. Unless it’s a very small chapel, there’s usually plenty of room for the onlookers. They help with the singing too!

So its definitely a thing for members of the church in all parts of the UK to rock up, sit at the back or on the balcony and see a wedding.

Is it also a thing within other religions groups?

In Scotland a christening is normally part of the regular Sunday service. As regards weddings you will find in long established communities that acquaintances of the parents of the bride or groom will give a " minding" - a gift - to a couple. It could be something quite small eg a couple of tea towels. They may go to the Church. There is no expectation of going to the reception. It dates from times of need and hardship.

If I knew the couple and it was a church wedding near me, I might. I doubt I’d crash the reception because that costs them money. The wedding itself? It’s just theatre, isn’t it? If I’m not disruptive, who cares? The attention should be on the bride and groom.

No, that’s just very weird.

I am guessing you or someone you know maybe has not been invited to a wedding and want to turn up anyway?

Of course you don’t gatecrash a reception! No one is suggesting that!

No the wedding itself in church is not just theatre - it is a public declaration before God of your marriage, of your vows. It is a declaration by those present that they will support you. It is a recognition of God in your life and thanks to him. It lays out what you are agreeing to by getting married. Thinking it is just theatre is perhaps why you do not understand why other people attend.