Unfair comments about working part time

[Watermelon101]

I’m married and have two school age dc. Dh works full time and I work part time 2.5 days a week.

This works quite well for our family, but it seems to attract a lot of judgement and unwanted opinions from other people.

Dhs job is very well paid but not very flexible. He has to just go where the work is, so this often means very early starts, getting back very late, working away at short notice, loads of travelling. We have zero family help and we both agreed that we didn’t want the dc in wrap around care full time. It’s also expensive besides anything.

There are always loads of things to cover like sickness, school events, school holidays, after school hobbies, so being part time means I can do a lot of these things without us having to use our annual leave.

It suits dh having me working part time because he would have to make massive changes to his work and lose money.

Anyway, I get pissed off because I’ve had various comments from people almost implying that I’m using dh and that he’s doing me a huge favour.

Yes I’m lucky to be able to work part time but surely he’s also lucky to have all childcare covered without having to even think about it, to 9 times out of 10 not have to worry about shopping, meal planning, cleaning and all the rest of it.

Who is making these comments? Frankly, they need to mind their own business.

If I was you, I would be removing the people who make those comments from my life (family or otherwise).

Who do you rub shoulders with that comments on your marriage/employment? I’ve worked part time for years, literally nobody has ever batted an eyelid? What do they say?

Just ignore them OP. I'm back at work full time now, but I did the same as you when my DC were younger, for the same reasons. It worked well for our family and I honestly didn't care what other people thought.

Are people actually saying you are using him? Which is really bold of people to say, especially several people. Or are they saying you are lucky?

Who are you talking to to get these comments? I was a SAHM for several years and never had any comments.

Just point out that actually, your sacrifice of income and pension is enabling DH to have the big job and a nice home, looked after kids, etc to come home to..and it's none of their business.

That would be an insane thing for anyone to say. If I were you I’d respond with exactly what you’ve put in this post - that you’re responsible for a huge amount of XYZ, not that it’s any of their business, and invite them to keep their comments to themselves

“That’s nice dear” or “what on earth has my home life got to do with you” add nosey troll.
Best to ignore stupid mindless communication.

That’s the thing, it’s not like it’s just one person who has said something, it’s quite a few.

Dh dad made loads of comments especially when the youngest dc started school. Just stuff like asking if I’m going to increase my hours and comparing me to my sil. But ignoring the fact that they live near sil and pick her children up most days.

I’ve had remarks from a couple of work colleagues for example I said I was buying something and they said something about dh ‘letting me’ when I work so few hours.

How tiresome of your colleagues to make such comments, as for your Fil, he needs to be reminded that you do not have the help, that fortunately is on hand for your Sil.

Mine are nearly all teenagers and I still only work 4 days - "I know I love it!" would be my response!

Who cares what they say?!

Yeah, they are just jealous, plain and simple. I’ve seen this in offices before, someone goes part time and the daggers come out.

You don't have to justify yourself to these people.

Your colleagues sound jealous - keep details about your private life to a minimum.

These comments are done to make you feel bad. The problem is theirs not yours. Ignore!

I work very part time too, honestly I couldn’t give a shit what anyone thinks about that as it’s none of their business and we do what works best for us as a family. The comments from your FIL
if ongoing need to be addressed by your husband. If your colleagues comment similar again just roll your eyes and say don’t be silly we’re not living in the 1950s, he’s not “letting” me do anything,

The people who make these comments are not friends or the type of people you want in your life.

I would assume it is simply envy and they wish they could work part-time too!

Ignore them.

If colleagues are doing this I would raise it with your manager because people who work part-time should be treated with the same respect in the workplace.

Don't give people your energy who don't pay your bills.

It’s just stuff like asking when I’m going to increase my hours, telling me I’m lucky that dh lets me work part time, telling me I’m spending dhs money, asking what I do all day when I’m not at work, being nosey into our finances. Loads of comments.

I’m not some lazy shopaholic btw.

What works for you works for you and you need to have confidence in your choices.

What I would say is there's loads of posts on here where mums who don't work or work part time and rely mostly on the well paid husbands jobs and how they worry they'd struggle when said husband walks away from the relationship. That would be my only concern personally. Women massively take the hit in these circumstances.

Oh that would make me spikey! I'd have said something like 'I'm an adult, my husband doesn't get to 'let' me do ir not do anything'

same with FIL, I'd have said 'Yeah great you're offering to do as much childcare for us as you do for SIL, it'll be great to not have to worry about the children'

people shouldn't comment anyway, but especially when they June your DH's work/schedule.

But stop being a mouse & just get them told!

“I’m not some lazy shopaholic btw.”

It is perfectly ok if you are? Shopping is good for the economy, and people are perfectly allowed to spend their own money however they want. You don’t need to put anyone else down.

I work part time, and used to get comments- drove me mad. I’m not being paid for time not at work- so who’s missing out!!
Flip it round- you might be making a sacrifice to your career by being part time- so they should think that you are doing him a favour- not the other way round.

I'd speak to your DH about his Dads comments and ask if he's said anything to his parents. If not and he's happy with the status quo then maybe he should ask his Dad to leave it.

I would scare twat FIL by telling him you are ready to increase your hours if he will pick up and drop off your kids to school every day.

Watch him squirm.

I work pt, less hours than you, and I don't really get comments about it. I don't discuss my working hours with anyone else, it's none of their business. Most family and friends have no idea whether I'm ft or pt. Just ignore the comments and don't try to justify your decision. If it's right for your family, that's all that matters.