AIBU to regret settling down young with an older husband?

[Agegapwoes]

Sorry, I’m not even sure what I’m asking.

I met my DH when I was 22 and he was 38. I had a fantastic first job straight out of uni in finance, and DH was much, much, much more senior in the company I worked for. I had not long broken up with my university boyfriend and he’d be very flirty with me at work. There was definitely no ‘grooming’ going on, everything was reciprocated.

He’s a very high earner and took us on some amazing holidays - we went to the Maldives, New York and the Caribbean all within a year of meeting. Lots of weekends away etc. I thought he was perfect and everything you could ever want in a partner. Which I suppose he was when compared to boys my own age!

I got pregnant at 25 and left work to become a stay at home mum.

The children are primary aged now. Our relationship never recovered after the birth of our first baby. It had already started to sour prior to the pregnancy, but the birth of our first was the thing that really made me realise that we are not right for each other. He’s a great Dad, very hands off but is great with them. We have a nice life, a nice house in a nice part of London. We rarely see each other due to his role. I don’t feel attracted to him anymore.

I definitely feel that now I’m older, we have much less in common than we did when I was younger (not sure how that works). We have different values and just very different personalities.

I feel like I’ve completely lost myself. I’m incredibly busy with three children under the age of 6. I’m no longer on the amazing career trajectory that I was on, and I’ll never get back to it now as I can’t possibly work the hours that I would be required to.

My friends are all marrying nice, successful men that are our age and I’m so jealous. They get to grow and achieve together. Where as in my relationship, DH had already ‘grew and achieved’ and I’ve not really achieved anything. DH already owned a house when we met so I’ve never had the experience of saving up and buying a house with a partner. Our salaries were obviously vastly different, so I’ve never felt equal financially. There is a slight power imbalance due to the age gap. I’ve missed out on holidays and experiences with friends and I’ve grew apart from most of my old friends.

So yeah… I have no idea what I’m asking, I’m just ranting. I can’t complain as I do have a nice life. I just wish I’d had my 20s to have fun and then settled down with someone my own age. I have three beautiful children who I wouldn’t change for the world but gosh I wish things were slightly different.

I think you're in a fantastic position for a career change. You can study from home when your children are at school/nursery. You can get starter job in your chosen career whilst they're at school too- wrap around care/after sch nannies exist.

I've had 2 career changes in my time- primary teacher, to HE admin to digi education specialist. In my case, I did a relevant Masters online at the Open University (they have excellent online courses BTW, couldn't recommend enough). I am not earning 6 figures but my pay is decent and I love my job, and feel valued.

You mentioned corporate law. If you're interested in this, genuinely, go for it. But I think, perhaps consider jobs you're actually interested in. If you're going for corporate law just because it will lead to a lucrative career, don't do it. Do something you enjoy. You spend a lot of time at work, if you enjoy that work, you're winning at life.

You can totally do this! Take back the reins of your life :)

No, they really don't, speak for yourself. You THINK about consequences, no matter what age you are, take accountability. Sounds like you're both the same. Would you teach your kids to be like that?