To have expected a bit more acknowledgment of the help I gave?

[Delftthunderclap]

Someone I know has a daughter finishing uni. Known her many years but more as the wife of my husband's mate than as a close friend....but friendly over the years. Barely know the daughter at all.

I used to teach the daughter's degree subject and have marked dissertations. Out of the blue the mum texts and asks if I would read and comment on her diss before submission. I said 'yes, of course'. Asked her if daughter wanted SPAG etc or just content; daughter popped up in same conversation and said 'both please'.

So I did my best and took about 1.5 hrs marking it properly, with comments and ideas, and sent it back saying she was welcome to take on board any or all or none of what I'd said. Also sent a couple of learning resources on the bits she hadn't done so far.

And I got an immediate bounce-back with one word: 'thanks'. She couldn't have read it at that point or even opened the file. And then - nothing at all from mum or daughter.

AIBU to have at least expected something a bit more sincere for the time and effort I spent? I was happy to do it but it strikes me as quite rude not to say something like 'thanks for taking the time to do this, the comments were helpful' or 'thanks, I submitted on time' or even 'I couldn't use most of your stuff but thanks for trying'...?

Very rude if that’s where it ends. Could there be flowers on the way or a nice card/letter?

How long ago was this?

Sure, it's rude. But you already know that.

Around a month ago.
I do feel it's rude but was questioning myself because how could anyone NOT think the right thing to do was send a more substantial thanks....?

Yes. Very inadequate response just to write “thanks” and appallingly rude.

The dd can’t even claim that helped was asked for without her agreement as she had said “both please”.

I’d be making it (subtley) known via my dh that I was unimpressed tbh!

But give it a bit of time first to see if they are just late. One of my DD’s is in her last year and she it’s very full on for her atm with submissions, presentations and forthcoming exams etc.

Edited: oh well if it’s already been a month then that’s even worse!

Very rude.

Yes, I find that rude

How rude!
I didn't think you were going to say a month ago. That's more than enough time for them to have bought a little gift or acknowledged your help in the appropriate manner.
Shame you can't send a bill for your time. £100.

Yes she was rude. Is it usual to give that much help on a dissertation to someone who isn’t your student? I did OU so didn’t write a full dissertation, but I believe final assignments were supposed to be all our own work.

Entitled and rude.

@Delftthunderclap it’s exceptionally rude. However I’ve come to realise that there are many, many people who feel entitled! The rest of us serve their needs.

Yanbu that is rude

Wow, both incredibly rude.

Very rude and it smacks of “entitled” to your help. I’d not offer to help again in any way. Also would fear that you’d be blamed if it didn’t go the way they wanted so prepare for that. No good deed goes unpunished unfortunately 😕 you did a good thing so please keep that in mind however this works out, it’s not on you. They can FAAFO.

So rude

Hopefully there is a card and flowers and wine still to be delivered. It was very kind of you to help.

It seems to be the way of things these days. I've been taken aback at the amount of help that relatives have given to their grandchildren: "Oh, just helped him with structure and spelling...gave him a few ideas too..."

Thinking about it, when I was at uni in the late '70s and early '80s, many middle-class students seemed to pay for someone to proofread and type up their dissertations for them.

Yes incredibly rude. At least you know for next time.

They were rude to not thank you properly! Id be inclined to send a gushing follow up message asking how did it go, when do you get the results, best of luck etc and kill them with kindess/make them squirm hahah

I would definitely be sending a follow up message to ask if the dissertation was submitted and whether she found my comments helpful, but I’m a bit pass agg like that.

With some people (not very kind or intelligent people), when you do something for free, they assume it’s worth nothing, and they treat it that way. Next time, don’t do it unless it is honest to God a child that you know writing their dissertation, in which case 1.5 hours may be a favour you’re willing to do. But for some girl you don’t even know to look at? Charge whatever they can afford and is reasonable. Give them mates’ rates if you feel so inclined.

There are going to be plenty of people in this life that you want to do favours for and genuinely help; save your free time for those people, and not someone you barely know who feels it’s okay to ask you for a “favour” like this and not even thank you.

I see the “thanks” email
as a way of confirming to you that your email had been received.

But not to follow up with a more effusive email plus a nice gift is incredibly rude. That should have happened within a couple of weeks

Some people are just rude and have no idea. I was asked to help a family friend’s wife (who I had never met) with advice about my city as the family were moving here. I took quite a bit of time sending her info related to areas, schools etc. I answered her follow up questions and then. Nothing. Not even a thank you by email and I never heard from them again. They did move to my city and they live not far away but I never heard from them again. 🤷‍♀️

Free loading, give an inch take a mile type of folk. Ten a penny these days

No manners or education at all to even put you in that position!
Entitled and no class !