To have expected a bit more acknowledgment of the help I gave?

[Delftthunderclap]

Someone I know has a daughter finishing uni. Known her many years but more as the wife of my husband's mate than as a close friend....but friendly over the years. Barely know the daughter at all.

I used to teach the daughter's degree subject and have marked dissertations. Out of the blue the mum texts and asks if I would read and comment on her diss before submission. I said 'yes, of course'. Asked her if daughter wanted SPAG etc or just content; daughter popped up in same conversation and said 'both please'.

So I did my best and took about 1.5 hrs marking it properly, with comments and ideas, and sent it back saying she was welcome to take on board any or all or none of what I'd said. Also sent a couple of learning resources on the bits she hadn't done so far.

And I got an immediate bounce-back with one word: 'thanks'. She couldn't have read it at that point or even opened the file. And then - nothing at all from mum or daughter.

AIBU to have at least expected something a bit more sincere for the time and effort I spent? I was happy to do it but it strikes me as quite rude not to say something like 'thanks for taking the time to do this, the comments were helpful' or 'thanks, I submitted on time' or even 'I couldn't use most of your stuff but thanks for trying'...?

Maybe she couldn't handle any kind of criticism of her work and somehow got offended by the amount of mistakes you noticed or things you thought she could improve? I can't see why else she'd be so rude.

Very much so, with people like that. If she does well it's thanks to her own ability and effort, if she doesn't, it's the fault of the teacher/lecturer/OP.
Fortunately, there are still many appreciative people around.

Really rude. I’d have sent a proper message, followed by a card and bottle of wine!

A month ago? Oh dear. That's rude.

It takes just a minute or two to send a nicely worded email or text message.

I think this is the correct response given the time and effort that went in. Or flowers/chocolates etc but basically a gift to acknowledge and appreciate the favour.

Unbelievably rude of them!

Maybe the dd hadn’t wanted her Mum to ask for help but once it was requested and given, one or both should have thanked you properly

I would have assumed that was the acknowledgment of receipt and that a proper thank you will be coming after graduation.

If not then I expect in 15 years or so when the dd has grown up she will have learnt from people other than her mum how to express gratitude. (As a kid, my friends parents helped me a lot and i just said thanks. Sadly no longer in touch woth said friend but as an adult, if we were still in touch I like to think I'd have gone out of my way to give a generous bunch of flowers and a proper thank you for all the help over the years. She was a fab person and she will never know how grateful I am to her)

It's exasperating.

I would have to send a pass agg message, Hi there was just checking if D was able to open the file ok and found the comments and additional resources helpful?

Very rude.

But there is a proportion of undergrads nowadays whose sense of entitlement is legion. Not all of them, but quite enough to leave one with a sour taste.

If she behaves like that in the workplace, she'll have a sharp lesson!

I’d have thanked you for your time and advice. Then I’d have sent you a message, or card, when I submitted the dissertation thanking you again.

Wait until the graduation photos are posted on Facebook and then comment along the lines of 'I'm glad that my dissertation supervision was of help to you'

I'd have felt the same OP (and have when I've done a similar favour for minimal acknowledgement). I guess the lesson is not to invest that much time on something like that again.

Definitely rude but very common here now. We’re all wrapped up in our self importance and busy lives. We could learn a lot from less developed countries.

This! What OP did is actual work and if was nice of her to take time out to do it. She'd have been justified in charging for something like that, and didn't. Do some people really think a cursory text saying 'thanks' is enough?

@Ryanstartedthefire2 is quite right about people being paid to type up dissertations in the 80's; a friend and I stepped into the breach when another friend was let down over his M.Mus dissertation. I provided the electric typewriter ( I said it was a long time ago!) while friend who was familiar with all the nitpicking detail of how to lay out an academic paper knocked it into shape; the original ideas were his own, but certainly back then there were very specific criteria for layout.
The original typist was not aware that quotations from other European languages were part of the script when they took it on, and baulked at guaranteeing the high standard of accuracy with spelling, accents etc required.
Our friend was extremely grateful, and made sure that we knew it!
I would imagine that there are computer programs these days to do a lot of this, but there was most certainly a fee involved back then, even for simply typing out scripts in plain old English!

YANBU -

Reminds me of the time i made a large pavalova for a party my sister was hosting. One of the guests that attended ( a woman i know vagely) was complementing me on it and said that her husband is celiac and that its a great desert for him. About 2 months later i got a call asking would i make one for her. I did, piled high with cream and fruit. She called to my door to collect it and said thanks....no bottle of wine, no chocolates, just a thanks and out the door.

Still picking my jaw off the floor.

I’ve had this so many times over the years OP. Where a contact gets in touch expecting advice on the spot, never for the “5 minutes” they say and always as a favour 🤦🏼‍♀️

The best one was a friend of my SIL calling me directly (SIL handed her my number!!). I didn’t know this other woman at all. I helped her, then never heard a peep from her again. I asked SIL about it a few weeks later and apparently it all got settled and she got a good outcome. Presumably using the advice and wording I’d given her. Lovely 😂

This happened to me many years ago. The person even had the audacity to hurry me up with 'When do you think you'll be done?' messages. I couldn't believe it and felt like such a mug.

I now only do things like that for pay. I don't care if it makes me sound like an a-hole. My time is precious, I've worked hard for my qualifications and experience, and you can pay me just like everyone else. I might give a family/friends discount but that's it.

Also just wanted to add that I so also have a positive experience with this.

I once helped out a friend of a friend with editing the English in his dissertation (pre-Grammarly and AI days!) and he thanked me by cooking a huge meal for me and DH. He was from Rome, and made the effort to source authentic Roman meats, wine, dessert etc. Candle light, he even had cloth napkins! He hosted it in his tiny apartment, we had to move the table to the wall to all squeeze in.

The food was so delicious, and it was such a wonderful thank you. I still think warmly about it to this day.

I feel like this is a young people thing. Not all of them obviously, but I see it with my own. A short "thanks!" (at least hers would have an exclamation mark 🙄) by text or if in person the thank you would be said before the person who did the favour has even finished talking, thus not even hearing it. I'm appalled and have said so but of course they know best

I have experienced this , some people are just very rude and entitled..

That was incredibly rude and selfish of them both..

Unfortunately, some people in life are just 'takers' and they give no thought whatsoever to those who are helping them. I would have been absolutely delighted if someone did this for me whilst I was at uni.

I think it was such a kind thing for you to do - and of course, should anything like this crop up again in the future, the default answer is 'No'.

If you find yourself in a similar spot again, try this phrase; "I'm rather busy, but the extra cash would be helpful!"
People who recognize the skill you have to offer and appreciate your time and talents will have no trouble with this, and I have been known to give "mate's rates" or even free help to people who value my time and trouble, but it has caused a few shocked looks and embarrassed silences.........

It's so rude I'd have to feed that back - via husband or friend I think.

The young person would benefit from learning manners - they need to learn it before the go out entitled into the world of work

for starters I dont think I'd ask someone that anyway about a young person they barely knew - and if I did I'd be very very polite about it!