To have expected a bit more acknowledgment of the help I gave?

[Delftthunderclap]

Someone I know has a daughter finishing uni. Known her many years but more as the wife of my husband's mate than as a close friend....but friendly over the years. Barely know the daughter at all.

I used to teach the daughter's degree subject and have marked dissertations. Out of the blue the mum texts and asks if I would read and comment on her diss before submission. I said 'yes, of course'. Asked her if daughter wanted SPAG etc or just content; daughter popped up in same conversation and said 'both please'.

So I did my best and took about 1.5 hrs marking it properly, with comments and ideas, and sent it back saying she was welcome to take on board any or all or none of what I'd said. Also sent a couple of learning resources on the bits she hadn't done so far.

And I got an immediate bounce-back with one word: 'thanks'. She couldn't have read it at that point or even opened the file. And then - nothing at all from mum or daughter.

AIBU to have at least expected something a bit more sincere for the time and effort I spent? I was happy to do it but it strikes me as quite rude not to say something like 'thanks for taking the time to do this, the comments were helpful' or 'thanks, I submitted on time' or even 'I couldn't use most of your stuff but thanks for trying'...?

But not sufficient for an hour and a half of OP’s time and effort.

OP chose to spend that time on it.
I know from having done work for friends that you get no thanks or recognition, and even if they have agreed to pay, they'll be reluctant to do so.

And this is why you shouldn't offer to help anyone. Because they are entitled, expect it, don't appreciate the time or effort put in and will then say 'OMG I said THANKS, YOU chose to help..' when you're pissed off that they don't appreciate what you did.

Because they're the main character and you're there to serve them and should be grateful they even acknowledged it.

Ands then you'll see all the threads on social media with people saying 'why is everyone so antisocial and not wanting to help out/join in?'

That's why. Because of entitled assholes.

@MiaKulper OP didn’t choose; she was put in an awkward position that she had to accept the request.

It’s very difficult in these situations to say No, although I do appreciate this is a MN complete sentence

Well she did say “thanks” I guess. I think the days of nice gifts and thank you letters are indeed long gone so if you can’t cope without them just say, no.

Not saying that’s right but that’s how it is now.

@italianlondongirl , OP didn’t choose; she was put in an awkward position that she had to accept the request.
She could have said no.
She spent 1.5 hours on it, which depending on several factors, could be a big deal - personally I'd not expect other than 'Thanks'.

Not saying that’s right but that’s how it is now.
I agree.

It doesn't matter what favour is asked of you, your time is unlikely to be valued by the person asking the favour.

And it’s not even a letter… it’s not like she had to find writing paper and a stamp. It’s so quick to write a more fulsome message on one’s phone
There was no recognition of the effort OP had made.

Why so snarky? We don't have to accept that anything is 'how it is now'. Society creates the 'now', and as far as I'm concerned we absolutely should call out rudeness and ingratitude. And not saying a proper thank you for someone's time and effort is both rude and ungrateful. I wouldn't be surprised if the recipient of OP's time and efforts is also one of these people who doesn't bother thanking people for gifts because 'a gift should be freely given with no expectation of anything in return' etc etc. 🙄Depressing.

She's not being snarky.

If I give something, be it my time or a gift, I don't expect gratitude.
I would thank somebody for their gift or time but I'm polite.

You do you, but it's not unreasonable to expect gratitude. And I did think the 'nice gifts and thank you letters' thing sounded snarky.

I’m not being snarky. Beyond verbal thanks what else are you expecting if not some form of gift or card?

Again I’m not saying that’s wrong. It would be a good gesture of gratitude but people don’t tend to do that sort of thing these days.

It's not unreasonable to expect it but you're setting yourself up for disappointment if you expect it every time.

Verbal thanks that actually convey appreciation, rather than the sort of automatic 'thanks' you'd say in a shop as someone's handing you your change, which is roughly equivalent to what little thanks OP got for her trouble. Nothing to do with gifts or cards.

And maybe people in your life 'don’t tend to do that sort of thing', but plenty of us out here still value manners and apppreciation - you've only to look at the voting results on this thread to see that.

@ruethewhirl , given the circumstances, the student could add further thanks and ask for more information about the comments where needed.

The cursory 'Thanks' is the barest minimum. We don't know if the student wanted the comments as it was the mother who asked.