To have expected a bit more acknowledgment of the help I gave?

[Delftthunderclap]

Someone I know has a daughter finishing uni. Known her many years but more as the wife of my husband's mate than as a close friend....but friendly over the years. Barely know the daughter at all.

I used to teach the daughter's degree subject and have marked dissertations. Out of the blue the mum texts and asks if I would read and comment on her diss before submission. I said 'yes, of course'. Asked her if daughter wanted SPAG etc or just content; daughter popped up in same conversation and said 'both please'.

So I did my best and took about 1.5 hrs marking it properly, with comments and ideas, and sent it back saying she was welcome to take on board any or all or none of what I'd said. Also sent a couple of learning resources on the bits she hadn't done so far.

And I got an immediate bounce-back with one word: 'thanks'. She couldn't have read it at that point or even opened the file. And then - nothing at all from mum or daughter.

AIBU to have at least expected something a bit more sincere for the time and effort I spent? I was happy to do it but it strikes me as quite rude not to say something like 'thanks for taking the time to do this, the comments were helpful' or 'thanks, I submitted on time' or even 'I couldn't use most of your stuff but thanks for trying'...?

Good grief! I hope you are joking.

YANBU to be annoyed OP. I would find myself ‘very busy’ if they ever asked again. You did a lovely thing.

Follow it up in a fake polite manner. I would. Something like "Hi was everything ok as I haven't heard anything from you?"

people can be very weird with thinking that if you do something professionally you somehow just turn it on and off like a tap. I write book reviews, and someone I vaguely know once asked in a really peremptory fashion if i would write a professional-style review of a book he'd written, because he hadn't had any. I pointed out that it's my paid job, not a thing I just do for people all the time with no effort...! He was really offended - "I seem to have upset you."
It's a shame, people being so blasé about others' time and effort, because it can make us all less willing to do favours where they are deserved/appreciated.

It's very rude but at least you know you'd never do anything like this again. Tbh though am finding more and more people allergic to the word thanks, seems to be the way.

I had very similar with the daughter of a friend. I spent two hours and gave the same type of feedback as you did. I didn’t even get a “thanks”. No reply at all.

I was so peeved I sent a nudge about two weeks later to check she’d seen my message and ask if she had questions or needed more help. Again no reply for weeks… then two days before the deadline (when I am rushed off my feet), she emailed again attaching the new essay. She had included my suggested modifications (but not done any of the further research I had provided links to - too much effort, apparently). She asked if I could give her my final comments. I ignored her. I can no longer look at this girl…

I never raised it with the mum, though I probably should have, as she thinks the sun shines out of her daughter’s proverbial.

Don’t know what I’d do if I got a similar request again. I probably would help, as I can’t really punish the next person for the behaviour of the last one!

I have honestly stopped doing most things to help people out as people are so entitled.

Lecturer here too. I would bet they were hoping for direct edits on the draft rather than general feedback!!!
Which would be cheeky AF obviously... but the entitlement of many of our current UGs (and some of their parents, when we have the misfortune of hearing from them directly) never ceases to amaze me.

They're users. I'd be so annoyed, it's very rude.

I was asked by a friend if her daughter could do a bit of work experience where I work ( a job which she was hoping to qualify in after uni). So I put myself out, asked a manager as a favour, she said yes and I passed on daughter's details to her etc.

Didn't hear anything back and then found out weeks later she'd been and done it with my colleagues who worked on the floor below me. She could've popped up to say thanks, but then I never heard anything about it again! Not even a poxy text. Really pissed me off, because it really valuable experience not open to everyone.

And yes, not getting any acknowledgement for gifts etc. how long does it take to send a text??

Yes do this.

So rude and they’re not your friends.

Very rude.

Im good at writting CV's and did one for my friend as she asked, she then asked me to write a job reference which i did,.i saw her 2 days later for coffee and she didnt even offer to buy me a coffee, people are selfish

But we know the difference between imagination and reality don't we 🤣

Out of the blue the mum texts and asks if I would read and comment on her diss before submission.
They should have at least given you something for your time and trouble. CFs.

My mother was asked by a CF friend to do her daughter's A-level project. Mother declined.

Things like these really infuriates me, I wouldn't do anything but file it in my little book of people not to bother with in the future. If you do happen to see the wife, I would ask how the daughter got on with the dissertation, hope it worked out well.

I bet either they wanted to you rewrite it, or just to confirm you thought it was really excellent and guaranteed a first. Not to suggest anything which would entail more work. Very rude.

Her parents have obviously rested her to be rude and entitled. If they’d thought she should have given fulsome thanks and sent a gift they’d have made sure that happened.

DH is an idiot!

He should be defensive of your time and effort.

send them an invoice!!!!

I'd ask if the DD found the comments useful and how she was getting on.

You've learned an important life lesson, unfortunately, which is to never provide anything related to your paid work for free. You will definitely resent it. It is usually pisstakers who request this sort of thing - decent people feel like it's too big of an ask (which it is).

I've had a few experiences like this in the past (it took me a while to learn). Now if someone requests something work related I ignore it or say I don't have time.

All of this. Crikey, we just gave some nice chocs in a gift bag to the couple who took two mins to move their van from in front of our house so our scaffolders could park 😂 For your time and effort you absolutely should have had more acknowledgment.

Well, you know now and should she ever want work experience or career advice, you know not to bother!

DH was all grumpy when I mentioned it and implied I was being needy and overthinking

Of course he was. He'd rather you be upset than rock the boat with his friend.

That was incredibly rude!! No, yadnbu.

More likely, if she doesn't get a 1st for it it will be OP's fault. Even if she didn't take on board anything the OP said.

Isn't that cheating?

But yes she was rude

Very rude.