Husband has stormed out because I found messages on his phone

[Welshie2]

My husband has been acting strange/secretive with his phone for a couple of weeks now so I took it on myself to look at his phone. Yes I know it’s morally dodgy but we have each others log ins and I looked at it whilst he was feeding DS dinner (it was charging upstairs).

There is a woman who is obviously a co-worker. I only had time to look at messages from the past two days. He was in the office today. He messaged her to say please walk past my desk again so I can look at your arse. She said she’d be back up in an hour and she will walk slowly this time. He then messaged again (after about an hour) to say that was the highlight of his afternoon to which she replied she knew her trousers would get attention today and sent a peach symbol. That was the last message.

I confronted him straight away and he stormed off and hasn’t come home yet. Said how dare I look at his phone. I have tried to call him and he just declined the call. He sent a text to say I’ve betrayed his trust and he can’t believe I did that instead of speaking to him.

Am I wrong to have done this, I think that if you know something is up then it’s within your right to investigate?

The chair thing makes me wonder if he has some kind of humiliation fetish going on. Even sharing the messages with OP could have been somewhat thrilling??

I'd say that the, ahem... 'item of furniture' in question was originally to be a gift to ms massive arse, but he's decided to devote it to @Welshie2 instead.

@Welshie2
Your husband is gross.
He's now bought sex-shop items to use with you, now, claiming it's a gift for you?

Ewwwww.

I honestly hope you know that you deserve better. He objectified and sexually harassed a direct report at work, jeopardizing his career and the financial security of his family by doing so, calls her a bimbo and essentially stupid, and thinks the solution is a bit of kinky sex with his missus?

Please, please take a long hard look at him.
Is this the kind of man you want to be with?
His opinion of women, including you, is very very low. You now know exactly who, and what, he is.

He bought it today apparently

Seriously this can't be true?!!

If it is, well, he has absolutely no respect for you. Am not even sure he loves you because people don't treat people they love this way.

There'll be a membership to a swingers club next (if such a thing exists).

Agree, most people buy chocolates and flowers though!

It was £80 and he said it’s non-returnable. I’ve said what a waste of money.

You know what, some PP's may have it.

His behaviour really is bordering on mania. The recklessness of his spending on ..... frankly weird shit, but also on a holiday he has claimed you can't afford. My BIL was diagnosed by BPD in his forties and it manifested as mad mad spending, especially when he wasnt in control. But when he isnt manic, is the most sensible person you could meet.

🤔

Lets hope it isnt second hand.....

Yes, true on both counts.

Please think about getting some space from him. For a week or two. He has lost the plot. You do not do what he has done and then start buying sex chairs. Ask him to go because this is going to escalate. I'm sure of this

Refuse to accept delivery.

Oh Dear, this sounds very familiar and very worrying !!
My Husband admitted to having a very good connection with OW at work. He acknowledged it was an Emotional Affair (couldn't have been physical as he often struggled with ED) Immediately after admitting EA, he started running at 100mph too!
He suddenly turned into the most amazing husband. Holidays booked, weekends away just the 2 of us, date nights at fancy restaurants, stopped going to work events, started calling me many times from work thru the day, showered me with love and affection, he couldn't do enough for me ….....
It was this sudden wonderful change in behaviour towards me, that kept me awake at nights .... He'd been cold and distant towards me while he was connected to her. It didn’t add up.
I started digging - found out 3 months later, they'd been physical (using Viagra) for 3 years (connected much longer).
He shit himself after admitting to EA, he knew there was much more to come out and was desperate for us to move on quickly, In the hope I would stop questioning.

Sending best wishes 💐

I mean he is trying! In his own weird way.

OP can you and Dc go visit your parents or some friends or even go have a weekend away in a hotel & visit some kind of attraction so you get a bit of space from him.

he isn’t listening to you. Every single update he gets worse. It seems he wants to make things better with you. Its very hard that you have to get your head round this. You have a thread here with everyone telling you to leave him or throw him out but its not that simple esp when you have a child & life together. Those willing for him to lose his job don’t realise that impacts you and DC. Really do what you can to get some physical & mental space from him so you can think.

next weekend, leave him with DC & have some solo time if needs be. Just look after yourself and take your time

Is he panicking because OW has threatened to tell you what's really been going on?

No. The other woman doesn't know that the OP knows. Maybe read the full thread

He should lose his job. I'm not willing it but this is gross misconduct and he's a creep

Im sorry but this cant be real. What man would act like that and react this way and who would actually tolerate this? I cannot believe this is real.

This thread is going to end soon. All I will say OP is that I hope you find the courage to leave him. He's a creep. Anyone who thinks buying sex toys to make up for his behaviour is ok is unhinged. He's a creep and a weirdo

You haven't seen other threads on here

Basically it’s another gaslighting move, to say
“You should be over it already” and to hint that your sex life is inadequate in some way and that’s why he is sniffing around other women.

What a pig.

You do need space. Far away from this prick. Permanently.

You think OP & her DC should be the ones to suffer from his stupidity?

WTF is a queening chair?