Page 34 | AIBU to consider a third child in hopes of a girl?

Karma1387 · 2026-05-12T12:35:26+00:00

I'm posting here as it tends to get the most responses and I am trying to make a hard decision. I have 2 beautiful little boys (2 and 8 weeks) I love them more than I ever thought I could love anyone. However, I feel a constant feeling of wanting to have a little girl. I have spoken to my partner about having a 3rd in 2 years or so and he has agreed but I can't quite bring myself to commit the thought in my mind. Part of me thinks my partner is agreeing to it as he knows its what I want but he isn't overly invested in the 2 we have currently so I'm not sure. I am also very concious that I could have a 3rd and it would be another boy (I would love him dearly but would I then want a 4th to try for a girl again) Thirdly I am very aware that the world is bloody expensive and I am trying really hard not to work (or not more than very part time at a minimum wage job) during my boys childhood. We could technically afford 3 without me working/part time but it would be a very basic life for their entire childhood with very little outings or trips etc. I know in my heart I want more children but would it be unreasonable given the above?

DrRylandGrace · 15/05/2026 16:12

Karma1387 · 12/05/2026 14:33

I didn't plan for a family of just 2. When me and my partner got pregnant with my first I said I wanted 4. I then decided I couldn't practically or emotionally return to my full time job at the end of my maternity leave so it then became a question of how many could I cope with/afford.

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That still isn’t an answer to the question about what you think would be different about having a girl and why this is important, which you keep deliberately avoiding answering.

Why does this matter? And matter to the extent that you’d be happy to have another child with a man who you state is disinterested in his existing children and in a situation where you would - by your own admission - make your existing children’s childhoods much poorer by having another child?

DrRylandGrace · 15/05/2026 16:29

Karma1387 · 12/05/2026 15:10

He isn't shit! He has improved massively with relaxing and enjoying our eldest. He changes nappies, takes DS1 out on his off (or we all go out together) he will try to help out with other stuff depending on how much sleep etc he has. Just because I do 90% of everything (as I don't work) doesn't mean he is shit.

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Your bar for a good father (apparently after improvements?!) is that he sometimes changes nappies or goes out somewhere with his children. Or “helps out”, as if it’s a favour and not his responsibility to do any parenting?

You really do need to listen to what many posters on the thread have tried to tell you, @Karma1387.

You have no job or income. You’re doing nothing to address that which makes you and your existing children very vulnerable. The longer that situation persists that harder it’ll be for you to find employment and develop your potential to earn a decent amount to support your children. Your partner is clearly barely parenting at all and you stated he is “disinterested” so there is a very high chance that you will end up needing to provide for your children yourself.

You then stated that it’s fine because you plan to get married at some point when there are more assets to divide. What exactly do you think would be your partner’s motivation to agree to that when he would, at that point, stand to lose money by doing so?

Why would you even consider having another child, even at some unspecified point in the future, increasing the likelihood and potential impact of all of these risks you have created, before you even address any of these matters which obviously requires your urgent attention to ensure stability for the children you have already?

Original poster

Karma1387 · 15/05/2026 16:35

DrRylandGrace · 15/05/2026 16:29

Your bar for a good father (apparently after improvements?!) is that he sometimes changes nappies or goes out somewhere with his children. Or “helps out”, as if it’s a favour and not his responsibility to do any parenting?

You really do need to listen to what many posters on the thread have tried to tell you, @Karma1387.

You have no job or income. You’re doing nothing to address that which makes you and your existing children very vulnerable. The longer that situation persists that harder it’ll be for you to find employment and develop your potential to earn a decent amount to support your children. Your partner is clearly barely parenting at all and you stated he is “disinterested” so there is a very high chance that you will end up needing to provide for your children yourself.

You then stated that it’s fine because you plan to get married at some point when there are more assets to divide. What exactly do you think would be your partner’s motivation to agree to that when he would, at that point, stand to lose money by doing so?

Why would you even consider having another child, even at some unspecified point in the future, increasing the likelihood and potential impact of all of these risks you have created, before you even address any of these matters which obviously requires your urgent attention to ensure stability for the children you have already?

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Sorry I'm not sure what else my bar is supposed to be for this (genuinely curious). He spends time with the kids on his day off, helps with baths etc. When I am the one at home all the time what else am I meant to be expecting here?

I have shelved the third baby for a couple of years and will review if the finances go up. We are planning on getting married later this year or next whenever I sort it out so assets will still be very low.

OP posts:

Gossipisgood · 18/05/2026 13:44

I can never understand women who prefer to have a certain gender baby. A child is blessing regardless. What is it that you think will be different having a girl & why would having one of each complete you? Surely having a healthy baby regardless of it's sex should be all you hope for. You have two healthy boys you love & adore, if you want another baby then talk to your DH & agree together but please don't have another because you want a girl. Have it because you have the love & money to care for it as you do your 2 boys. If you do decide to have another baby & it's a boy will you still feel you need a girl to complete you?