AIBU to consider a third child in hopes of a girl?

[Karma1387]

I'm posting here as it tends to get the most responses and I am trying to make a hard decision.

I have 2 beautiful little boys (2 and 8 weeks) I love them more than I ever thought I could love anyone. However, I feel a constant feeling of wanting to have a little girl. I have spoken to my partner about having a 3rd in 2 years or so and he has agreed but I can't quite bring myself to commit the thought in my mind.

Part of me thinks my partner is agreeing to it as he knows its what I want but he isn't overly invested in the 2 we have currently so I'm not sure.

I am also very concious that I could have a 3rd and it would be another boy (I would love him dearly but would I then want a 4th to try for a girl again)

Thirdly I am very aware that the world is bloody expensive and I am trying really hard not to work (or not more than very part time at a minimum wage job) during my boys childhood. We could technically afford 3 without me working/part time but it would be a very basic life for their entire childhood with very little outings or trips etc.

I know in my heart I want more children but would it be unreasonable given the above?

Nope. Habe a child for the child, whatever they are. Having a child for the sole purpose of rolling the dice on a girl isn't a fair reason to bring new life to the world and your family.

I know someone who did this and ended up with 6 boys!

Not really. There are no assets to split besides a tiny pension. So currently very little difference.

Perhaps that is a good idea although I fear it would just get derailed by being told to just 'get a job' even if it isnt financially practical or 'get married'

@karma1387

That literally is advice….very far from a thread being derailed

It is but it isn't advice which is actually helpful.

I am aware I need to sort getting married at some point soon.

And financially with childcare and partners hours getting a job at the moment is unrealistic.

So whilst it is advice it doesn't help my actual situation.

Yeah we have told GP we will revisit the conversation in 2 years as we aren't ready to commit to a definite no as of yet.

How do I hide a thread?

And actually before it got derailed it was a very helpful post.

Unwatch thread

It gets harder especially financially as they get older IMO.

i would stick with and enjoy your 2 DS - unless circumstances drastically changed (like a new partner who is very engaged and much bigger household income).

Also for the ‘right reasons’ - “in the hope of a girl”, “completeness” of both genders isn’t.

OP I have never felt this way, I do have 2 and 1 of each, but the age gap is over 10 years, so I was on the “one and done” train for a while.

But I have heard of people that have had this unexplained desire to keep trying for a certain sex, and they do. They tend to have lots of kids, and then something settles in their heart when they finally get their desired gender.

I’ll be honest, I do not think it’s fair on existing kids and I also don’t think it’s very fair on the partner.

I know someone who wanted a boy so bad, her eldest is 18 and she finally got her boy 7 kids later! She seems happy, posting how being a boy mum is so special and different - but it makes me wonder why she put herself through all of that and why she risked giving her 6 daughters a below mediocre life.

I know it’s not the same. But you could easily end up having a big family. If you can afford it and want that, nobody can stop you. But like you said, children are expensive and these days it feels even more important to invest in each child.

It sounds like you could be alright if you gave an additional. But I would advise to enjoy your baby for now.

It’s a decision between the head and heart. I hope you make a decision that is right for you and family.

There’s also the adoption option OP. When you are settle in and see you can afford it, adopt a baby girl. Better than the 50:50 chance you are setting yourself up for

It can take years to go through the process of adopting. It did for a friend of mine

Maybe just enjoy your tiny baby and see how you feel in a year or two. Two in my opinion is a relationship game changer, you might decide three will tear you apart

FFS!

And there’s not exactly a plentiful supply of perfect baby girls either.

I know someone who did this but the other way around. Basically her DH already had a son when she met him and then they went on to have four girls, she desperately wanted to also give him a son which I found utterly bizarre. I think she was somehow jealous his ex had given him his ‘heir’ (very medieval!) and she wanted to also give him one… She finally succeeded with the fifth child and had her tubes tied. Weird behaviour imo. Her DD’s are also all named after colours and not the usual ones you’d expect like Ruby…

Anyway that’s beside the by. I don’t understand and can’t relate because I had miscarriages I guess and so the gender of my children was completely irrelevant, I just wanted them to be alive.

😅