AIBU to consider a third child in hopes of a girl?

[Karma1387]

I'm posting here as it tends to get the most responses and I am trying to make a hard decision.

I have 2 beautiful little boys (2 and 8 weeks) I love them more than I ever thought I could love anyone. However, I feel a constant feeling of wanting to have a little girl. I have spoken to my partner about having a 3rd in 2 years or so and he has agreed but I can't quite bring myself to commit the thought in my mind.

Part of me thinks my partner is agreeing to it as he knows its what I want but he isn't overly invested in the 2 we have currently so I'm not sure.

I am also very concious that I could have a 3rd and it would be another boy (I would love him dearly but would I then want a 4th to try for a girl again)

Thirdly I am very aware that the world is bloody expensive and I am trying really hard not to work (or not more than very part time at a minimum wage job) during my boys childhood. We could technically afford 3 without me working/part time but it would be a very basic life for their entire childhood with very little outings or trips etc.

I know in my heart I want more children but would it be unreasonable given the above?

He really has improved a lot. Making a lot of effort since I wrote that. I was also very pregnant, hormonal and probably a bit harsh!

The main being that he isn’t financially responsible for the entire family i imagine!

Why is it unhealthy? Genuinely interested not being confrontational!

I don’t think this will come to anything because I would bet a LOT that your DP won’t want a third..,. Both emotionally and financially. He will want you back at work and for the boys not to be homeschooled by you but in school

Its more he would like more money, a nicer house, nice holiday, be able to spend without too much thought. Basically how we were when we both had proper careers.

Your husbands lack of bonding with your eldest child. You not wanting to work and him wanting you to - and you want to bring another child into the mix?

My partner has said yes to a 3rd if I want one as long as the age gap is min 3 years. This is more about if I 100% want another financially and if would be happy regardless of the sex.

They have a bond now. You wouldn't judge me if I had post natal depression and a health condition which affected my ability to bond with my baby. Why is it different for a dad who also doesn't get as much time with a baby?

Yes… and that’s a long way away so he’s going for the easy life in the short term.

Oh he didn’t have post natal depression! He couldn’t be arsed and preferred sleeping or being on his phone!

I know for a fact he wont say no to it. I made it clear to him if he told me 100% he was done and didn't want anymore kids he could have the vasectomy so I didn't have to go on contraception for years and so I could come to terms with our family being complete.

Because you have posted several threads implying that you aren't coping very well.

In short… this is something that might happen in 3 years. By which point your DP will be chomping at the bit for you to get back to work.

just enjoy the beautiful new born in your arms and put this to the back of your mind.

Oh you don’t know anything of the sort… 2-3 years is a long way away. His eldest will be at school and his youngest won’t be far behind. He will be wanting you to start earning

Politely 'do one'! Not that it should be relevant but I had a very traumatic birth with DS1 where he thought for a short time I wasn't going to make it and he would be a single dad. I watched him become a shell of himself and barely function.

Men are very much at risk of postnatal depression. The health visitor and GP noticed it within 6 weeks of DS being born!

I had 2 sons. They are now grown up and both married to lovely girls. I love them all. I never had a daughter of my own, but I feel like I have gained daughters later in life.

I have made it clear unless he took a huge paycut and went to a Monday-Friday job its not even a discussion point and if he took the huge paycut we would then be worse off anyway as we could be paying for childcare/ wrap around care.

He has suffered from anxiety and depression for years

you have suffered from anxiety and depression for years and despite trying therapy and medication - nothing has eased it.

Just focus on your boys and your health.

You should only try for another one if you want another child and it doesn't matter if they are a boy or a girl. With children nothing is guaranteed. You could have a daughter who wants to go shopping with you, get nails done wear dresses but you might get a daughter who hates shopping, dresses etc. You might have a daughter who doesn't want to get married or one of your sons might want you to be very involved with his wedding.

But op - your children will attend school (unless you are still thinking about home schooling?) which will mean you can definitely work

I can work full time 9-3? 3 days a week Id love to find a job like that with good pay! Oh and no working in school holidays?

Otherwise we would still have childcare costs. Also he wont want to take a potential 20k paycut into a job he has no interest in just so I can work.

And yes I am very much still considering homeschooling

So your husband is a shit dad and you want to bring another kid into this? Selfish

Please read the full thread. This has been addressed several times! Not a shit dad by a mile!

🤣

Well not in the last few weeks